New Year's Resolutions:

subject to (positive) changes!

1) Treat people as well as I have during the holidays. And more.

2) Be more hardworking, more driven.

3) To get closer to achieving number 2, I must think through all my decisions carefully first.

(but of course be decisive at the same time)

Especially academic decisions. O:

4) Stay fit and do not turn into an inert mush.

That's about it. Oh. Plus number 9 of j's resolutions. :)

Very self-absorbed I feel these days.

And despite my rock-bottom boredness a few days ago, i've started to realize that there are still quite a fair number of things i can occupy myself with for the rest of the holidays. My mum keeps warning me about the hellishness of JC life. So that I can treasure my holidays more. (while she goes back to work. wahahahahah)

Soon I'm leaving the house for an overdue ice cream date with some CCA pple. Can't believe I agreed now that I'm going. It's at bukit timah + I haven't talked to all except one for ages. And ages and eons and blahblah.

Think I agreed purely out of goodwill. Very short-sighted of me. Now I have to take a 50 minute bus all the way there for a cup of icecream. O:

But I'll go there without complaints since I've agreed.

And i've got time on my hands. *

I think I must be one of the rare few people who feel that holidays shouldn't be too long. Oh except for pling.

Yes, holidays are fun.

But I've already started to feel the symptoms of too-much-rest. I'm now reaching the end of the 6th week of the holidays. And there are 3 more weeks to go... :|

Of course these 6 weeks have been enjoyable, with family company and occasional outings to celebrate birthdays/christmas. (Btw, I haven't gone out with any friends except for that outing on elsa's bday. call me anti-social. i think this is what i'm like deep down anyway...)

A few extra weeks of holidays should actually be good. More rest, more play. Not for me though. I think my bro badly needs some of that. I don't really have a plan for January already.

------

Any mention of JC now only gives me jolts of shock. It's the usual. New environment, studies, etc etc. my fingers and brain go numb just typing this out.

Bleh.

It will be comforting to see familiar faces next year. :)

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I just finished reading The Magicians. (browsed through almost half of it actually.) It's not my cup of tea at all. The part which builds up to the climax of the plot (when Q graduates from magic school) is spoilt by monotonous narrations of how Q doesn't know what to do with his life, how he lusts after 'forbidden passions' but feels regret, and how he anxiously awaits his real life to come save him from boring Manhattan.

Also after reading fantasy bestsellers like Harry Potter I can't really appreciate modern fantasy stories anymore. For example, a bored teenage boy stumbles upon a magic world. And so on.

------

Yay Westlife's album is out! :D

Wonderful voices.

Nice piano background music.

Therefore good album.

------

This is a very fragmented post. No more common topic.

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Sometimes I rack my brain for another hobby I could have, but nothing comes to me.

I guess this is just my hobby. Reading too.

I must learn how to knit.

------

Oh no if you find that this post doesn't suit your tastebuds at all, because it's so flat, it's only because I feel so bored now.

So, move on!

Today, when I stepped off the weighing machine, it screamed.

Hahahah, I'm not anorexic...

Holidays are interesting times.

1) They make me more aware of myself, mentally and physically. Because this is when I don't lose myself in schoolwork and exams.

(at least for me, I do feel that there's a huge difference in the way I behave if you compare me in termtime and me on a holiday.)

2) So I've noticed that my speech has changed too. At times. (Times when I react spontaneously). I've been speaking in Singlish and Chinglish and whatever other Asian forms of English there can be, at home, to my mum and my brother.

That is not a bad thing. Singaporeans speak Singlish. Part of their culture. Chinese speak Chinglish. Part of their culture too. I'm a Singaporean Chinese. So.

But when school starts, the business starts, so I restrict my Singlish and Chinglish to almost zero.

Still, it's the holidays, and my mind is too relaxed for any deep thinking/writing/wtv.

Bye bye!

It's the TV that's making me brain dead, by the way...

OH!

Avatar is a really good movie, by the way. There are a few questionable romantic bits though. Just a few. The rest of the movie is... just riveting. :)

I feel narcissistic already.

So... bye bye!

I know I've said it on my MSN personal message, but I have to say it again: I'm trying to make my own meatball marinara! (Subway's, if you've forgotten)

Hahah. I hope it turns out fine. Meatballs without seasoning smell delicious too.

Before the meatballs cool, AFK!

(Not bad. But Subway's has more ketchup.)

Holidays make me feel rather detached from... whatever it is. Makes me realize how uptight I was during term time and how my mind actually works when it is relaxed.

Anyway, I'm losing interest in blogging, because i'm blog-hopping, so bye bye!

I'm sitting in my room, on the verge of feeling bored. Not feeling bored because I'm trying not to waste my holidays feeling bored... :)

First, the trip to Bangkok (4th to 9th december) was a very relaxing one. Retail therapy. It wasn't much of a cultural eye-opener, because Bangkok is almost like Singapore in terms of its landscapes. But it was amusing to observe how shopkeepers tap their goods with your money if you're their first customer. And I also heard korean pop music playing in several stalls in Chatuchak (the huge market). Rejoice! I didn't realize the korean wave had spread to Bangkok too.

And the retail staff in Bangkok are almost all very friendly and easy-going (like with bargaining).

:)

I'm now listening to 紙飛機 by 林憶蓮. Very comforting song. Didn't realize before now that Chinese songs could be so simple but sentimental... now I appreciate Chinese lyricists more.

Plus, this song was written by a local lyricist (Xiaohan I think). :)

Also, I wanted to volunteer at my aunt's hospital (St. Andrew's Community Hospital) around now, but the plan was scrapped. Because my uncle persuaded my aunt that hospitals are not safe enough for volunteer work... since there are germs all around...

But I don't think I am very passionate about this volunteering stint anyway, not now, especially since this hospital is in Simei (and I'm in Jurong).

I think someone's horn spoilt. It's beeping repeatedly >.<

Oh it stopped. Yay!

And I spent Monday and Tuesday helping to paint our main door (it's now peach and white). Still haven't given the grill a final coat of paint... Sigh... painting is tiring work.

Signed up for MUNIP (model united nations introductory programme) at S.'s invitation. I have a few reservations about this programme, but I think it's worth a try and it could be an interesting start to life in JC1. Some doubts about it, because I'm not the type to speak out forcefully in mock debates... D:

I hope there are other thirteeners in this programme too!

(and this doesn't mean i'm regretting joining this programme, if any MUN people or my partner stumble upon this blog)

Finally, plan for today:

Pack my room and hopefully I can throw away about half of its stuff!

Sometimes I shudder to think which of my facebook friends could be ploughing through my profile and trying to get more information about what kind of life I lead now and what I'm like, etc.

Not the point of this post!

I was reading joey's post about perfection... And I admire people like her brother, who has so much drive for his work and compassion for other people.

I think it's all a matter of finding where your interests lie and what you want your life, your legacy to be like. Some people find it early and some people find it really late. I haven't decided on mine yet.

I don't know if I'm just finding excuses, but I guess part of why this is so is 'cos there are many limitations that I have now. Like making sure that I do well in my studies first, choose the right subject combination and university and do well academically, basically.

This is horrible. I just found a flying ant's wing on my thumb. Where did the rest go? O:

I think that was just an excuse. Never mind, take it that I was blabbering out loud.

And it takes time for a long-term goal to form I guess.

That's why it's important to travel widely (as much as your pocket money allows you to) and read widely too... so that we know more about where we stand in this world.

I think that was quite unnecessary because I think many of us have heard that from many people already.

Never mind.

Nightnights.

HAHAH TWITTER AND ODD PICS OF TENNIS GUYS AND THE KOREAN GUY V. SPANISH GUY DEBATE.

This kind of sums up my day :)

(Oh yes and the book that I must finish by tomorrow too.)

Am feeling really unsettled now, not the feeling you get after watching a horror movie, but the kind of feeling you get when you've got a lot of time ahead of you and you don't know if you're going to spend it correctly. I think a better word is insecure!

Then again it's such a waste of time thinking of this during such a happy season so I shall just tell myself to go with my instincts and leave it...

I've spent the past few days volunteering at NParks. Quite fun because I get to be in a different environment-- new people, more nature, more exercise... instead of staying at home and being a couch potato.

:)

And it's fun sitting in the back of a pick-up truck. And it's funnier when you get surprised stares from workers in other pick-up trucks.

Just watched the later part of Adam Lambert's AMA performance. I think it was really spontaneous, full of sincere (erm) entertainment, but since rock isn't really my cup of tea, I don't think I'm in a position to judge it. He looked drunk at the end of his performance ^^ hahah.

I've just been sneaking around Facebook again, looking at old acquaintances' (or, erm, classmates') photos and stuff. And it's very amusing to see how we have all evolved from that quite guai batch into one so varied.
Take me-- I sit at home and can read all day long, or blog, and rarely venture beyond my usual haunts with my family and friends. And rarely venture beyond my social circle(s). (Not a complaint).
And then I see acquaintances going over to the wild side, having parties, lots of shopping, etc etc.

So I think I've left a lot of people behind during these school years. Because after a few years of total non-communication, we've ended up leading very different lives.

And yet I have their life's news right at my fingertips.

Wahahah.

It's such an entertaining idea.

(so next time, even though we end up in different classes and different lectures, I'll still be able to spy on you, because big sister is always watching.)

:)

Uh.

Not in an emo enough mood to post things that can match up to the pre-EOY standards. This is a good thing.

I came up with really bright plans for today last night: First, gallivant around Jurong on foot-- partly for exercise, partly because of boredom. Then go to Jurong East library to find good books.

But I woke up late today (9.30 am) and so I cancelled the first plan. And I'm not so sure about the 2nd one now because I'm stuck on the computer!

Oh well, there's still tomorrow, and the day after and the day after and the other day after...

I need help being a better senior. I don't know how to spell my junior's name! Oops.

Okay, now I do. ><

So I was thinking about my 4 years in Guides so far and what I've learnt from it, while writing notes to June and my juniors and trying to figure out how I miscounted the number of people in my patrol.

I guess it has actually been a rather humbling experience. I remember how I was like in sec 1, quite proud, quite naive, too assuming... And I probably was like that in sec 2 too.

So CCA has helped me to realize this.

And only on the day before farewell...

Because before this day, I haven't actually been able to pinpoint how I felt about my CCA.

Mission: Read all Neil Gaiman books.

Apparently, people are more analytical and pay more attention to details when we're sad. That's why we get sad when we study. So that we can study better.

Sensible short term mission: STUDY CHINESE.

Doing Facebook quizzes still amuses me.

Life is still stuck in the routine and the mundane.

I might feel like blogging, but right now my brain is just a pile of slush.

*sigh* not literally.

Thinking about JC is kind of interesting. But that feeling is very far-off and distant.

The privileged usually lead single-tracked lives.

On the plus side, 500 days of summer's soundtrack is really good! :)

And it's good that people invented blogging and facebook, so that inerts/potatoes like me can snoop around other people's lives and realize that the world doesn't end at Bukit Timah and Jurong...

OMG RARH BOREDOM.

Cheers to Youtube.

Who in the sensibly occupied mind would pay tribute to random websites on her blog...?

Shall get a post in first before I scan my computer for viruses again... I still can't open the messages in my hotmail.

I had a rather apathetic and uncomfortable afternoon today. The two words sort of contradict but that describes quite accurately how I felt. Not going to elaborate...

There was also a photoshoot and I was skulking around the edges of the really tightly-knitted block of people, trying to find a way to get myself within the range of the camera... And a JC girl pulled me in and exclaimed that I should just pick a spot now and "don't be shy!". That kind of startled me. I actually feel like being shy is in our school's blood. Then when we graduate we get out of it. Because...

Exams are now over but there's another smaller wave heading towards us, which is of course Chinese O' Levels. But this one actually feels more deadly than the enormous one we just endured because it's scheduled to be right in the middle of nowhere, and it's so easy to overlook it and think that it is just another test.

Eek.

Must study Chinese!

The biggest challenge now is to persuade my brain that it's not the holidays yet and that it should get cracking on Chinese ASAP.

Meanwhile I'm trying to read as much as possible because I haven't touched a book for the past month or so.

And I'm rediscovering the joys of listening to my iPod, while studying. Is that a good thing?

Yes it is.

...

Oh yes. That day I was listening to We're all in this together and all the lower secondary memories flooded back...

8))

Okay, what do I say.

It's the start of post-eoy freedom and I'm fangirling watching youtube videos of Joseph Gordon-Levitt :) He looked so cute as a teen! (He got himself a beard at some point in time :/ )

What can I say about myself, man.

And Carla Bruni sang that French song in 500 days of summer.

It's odd how I got more kick out of surfing the net during the exam period but not as much now...

Although I can say that I do feel slightly more relaxed/ relieved now.

Not much of a difference, after 4 years of such emotional turmoil...

:D

Enjoy your freedom!

Even though I've been complaining and ranting about how exams are degrading and bad for learning, they'll still come back and try to bite our heads off.

And do I really look emo when I stone...?

Since I'm here, I shall say that I'm currently for the last paper! Probably didn't need to say this already.

And I'm in a second wave of fangirling-- Lifehouse <3> :D

Have come out of the melancholy reverie! Yeah. Hahah.

Nothing much has happened today, of course, except that I decided to come out of the melancholy reverie.

And I ate pizza bread and cake for breakfast and I helped do some housework and I read some papers and mags around the house and I ate Bixie's cereal for lunch and I studied physics and I dozed off and I went for a power shower and I studied physics again.

(I think my blog deserves more worthy content.

But never mind, it can be a rant blog for now. Until I get better... ideas.)

8))

I love reading other people's blogs.

Opens up new perspectives, provides an alternative side to my otherwise extremely protected and narrow life.

Seriously, school doesn't offer anything other than knowledge. That sounds ironic. But when I read (blogs) about social workers and all that, about disasters in other countries (lots of them this month), I feel like I'm very sheltered, pampered, or any other synonym of these words you can think of.

This quote might bring my point across better:

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.--- Albert Einstein.

I can imagine people reading this and laughing at this quote. If you say so, quit school and go sweep the roads, lah!

But I'm not going to explain myself on this note further.

Shall just leave this hanging, because I haven't actually thought much about this. In fact, this post probably won't make a lot of sense to most of you.

:D

I really do admire the people who have ambitions, no matter what they are.

Cause childhood/teenage dreams/ambitions usually turn out to be something which you want to do for the good of other people, right...?

Yeahhh.

Don't think I actually had a childhood dream.

.

.

.

Actually, what I REALLY SHOULD BE DOING NOW IS STUDYING PHYSICS.

Shall overcome garfield-like inertia now and move to physics.

The Girl in the White Uniform

I am the unnoticed, the unnoticeable girl,
The girl who always stands next to you during assembly,
The girl who was the colour of the white-washed wall, the sound of
everyday chatter,

The girl who might have exchanged a few forced words with you.
I am the girl trying to find her place in class,
Too hurried and worried to see and smell and touch:
The girl who is patient too long and obeys too much
And wishes too softly and seldom.

I am the girl they call the nation's future.

I am the easily led, the spoon-fed,
The tool for another person's success,
The safe-and-sound,
Stone-for-a-statue, pebble-round.

There you go, adapted from A.S.J. Tessimond's poem in PDD.

Not trying to be a budding poet or whatever academically-related, I just thought it would be fun putting in 'girl' instead of 'man'.

Deleted a chunk of the poem instead of editing it, because I couldn't think of better replacements.

I hope I didn't just insult the whole of the literary world by mutilating another person's poem...

And I'm ... not... insinuating anything at anyone.

Just for light reading...

And because physics is...

still on its way to my head.

Am wholeheartedly studying biology now, yes!

I think I lead a very... sedentary lifestyle. I don't do anything that doesn't come my way-- I don't take any initiative to make my life anything more than school. I don't go exercising (unless it's PE time), I don't go out unless it's necessary. I don't have other activities besides school. I don't talk to people unless they're within my immediate lifestyle. Once events are over, the people linked with that place and task are over too. Out of sight, out of mind. Zap.

(Although this certainly won't happen with my class. And it's more than just the fact that we're going to the same JC.)

I call it being inert. Others might call it deprived. I don't have a lot of productive time for myself.

Unless you say that blogging and reading is productive. -.o

Well, in another way, maybe.

And while I blog, I'm waiting for MSN to sign me in, and it's been failing for the past few attempts. I bet a hermit leads a more engaging life.

I'm not sure if all this self-deprecation is worth reading. A person needs to wallow in such self-pity sometimes. Cos everyone has un-admirable sides of themselves. And blogger has no 'set to private' function. Maybe using LJ's better.

Speaking of LJ, my account's still up! And I shudder a little when I read my sec 1 and 2 posts... Because they were quite a telling image of myself a few years ago.

What was I doing on LJ? Reading posts about tennis.

Back to wallowing.

I think the most interesting thing that I do everyday is speaking with my friends.

That wasn't meant to be sarcastic, it's more of a gesture of appreciation.

And speaking of friends, I think what zing and chrissy said is true for me too. Up till a (certain) point in time, I've always been very privately critical of my friends, observing them, eliminating them whenever I felt let down.

Rather selfish and insecure of myself, I'll add.

Which is why reading old posts on LJ gave me slight creeps.

Maybe next time I'll read this blogger account of mine and shudder at how narrow my perspective on life was.

Meanwhile, I must take the chance to appreciate what I have, because I still have biology and maths to accompany me on this rather tiring journey of exams. -.-

(On the other hand, the conscience in me says that it would actually be wiser to encourage myself more positively, so that I'll be more motivated to study. Whatever.)

Hello Biology.

Feeling flat, emotionally I mean, because nobody's online...

And because I'm going to do more revision...

Although revision is a must for EOYs, don't think I need to elaborate on this...

Is everyone still sleeping or what... 'what' can probably be replaced by mugging...

Sighs...

Blogging helps to trigger the narcissism in me... (probably spelt that right...) and also boosts my self-pity...

Which is why I'm complaining like a headless chicken here...

Instead of spending my time more productively like a good motivated student...

kaybaibai.

Have mercy, ET!

Shall not bore you with ET and his deviously tricky papers...

The idea of having one of ET's kind as a chemistry teacher is kind of cute. As in, the Extra Terrestrial.

I want to brush up on my piano after the exams! Watching pianists at work on Youtube always makes me feel like that. Jon Schmidt is really good at the piano! :) oh man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap-qC6rY9mk&NR=1 Not Jon Schmidt I think, but still good :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FenE0fc5lg&feature=related this one is nicer, personally, because there's a human voice.

Pling is so sentimental.

But, that's good, because it lets un-sentimental people like me realize that life is sometimes sentimental after all.

Now that that's said, I like my class :)

I wonder, if it's not too late to wonder, if it's better to aim to score a high mark, or to score a decent MSG. High marks (like higher than A1) are for personal satisfaction, and getting a decent MSG is just being practical, or you can call it lazy.

Whatever.

Doesn't make sense to attach too many numbers to your expectations, I shall ignore marks and MSGs. For now. O:

Hello!

So I was a bundle of emo just now. (wanted to type emoness but was thinking that it looked too much like demoness). But felt better after bath. Always do.

It's nice to sit at home and do whatever you want.

Whatever, this post is so wuliao.

Will post more interesting stuff when mugging days are over.

Was thinking how cool it would be if humans evolved so that we would have a built-in fact store, like a thumbdrive. So we can just 'save' lessons and only plug it in when we have to...

zzz.

yay i smell food coming from my neighbour's house (again). yumyum.

I like Lord of the Rings songs :) Because there's such a large variety of them, with such a wonderful chorus. And sometimes when the flute plays the chorus, it actually makes you feel quite sad.

http://www.plistube.com/play.php?query=howard+shore if you want to. :)

I think it will be really nice to get a chance to work in the film industry. As a director, composer, wow... Then you get to make big hits like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and animations like Up! :D

Had a sudden wave of panic today on the bus. About what? Exams and marks, of course -.-

What if I failed Chinese, IH, LA, yadahyadah. Of course I managed to console myself in the end (with the help of a book-- Bachelors' Anonymous hahah)...

I guess exams are good in a way...

But they help to induce high levels of insecurity. D:

Unless you're a really confident person.

Maybe I'm just heaping my worries onto something else by saying this, oh wells.

Exams are not worth a post!

Feeling rather relaxed now. With the help of playing games with Cheryl and listening to LOTR music :) and food and Bachelor's Anonymous lalala.

What a nice feeling :)

I need to relieve my boredom first. I'm in school, and it's amusing that the school's internet filter didn't block blogger and facebook :) Not that there's much on facebook anyway, everyone's off mugging for EOYS.

I shall lower my expectations for LA D: Shall not elaborate...

The library mainly consists of scholars... To be specific I'm on the 3rd floor of the library.

Oh wells. Hmmsssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I'm about to do globalization notes...!

It feels kind of sad to be in school alone... I'm used to having a company of 3 or 4 around me when I study in school. Maybe it's just the aura of the library that's getting to me.
Oh wells, this is kind of pointless.
Bye bye!

Chinese was okay, maybe a little li2ti2, but hopefully an improvement from BT2. Nothing else to say... strange how I wanted to start this post with something else, but decided that it was only natural that I started with an update on how my tests went.

Just read my bro's blog, and I'm kind of surprised/amused (in a more respectful way) at how deep he can get. Hahah, I'm not saying that I always thought how boys in general, or specifically my brother, are shallow beings.

I wonder if he reads my blog, but I seriously doubt older brothers would bother to read their younger sisters' blogs. That's not the point.

I've got some comments I want to tell him, but posting them on a public tagboard seems really weird especially for people who live together. But on the other hand, it will definitely be weird if I tell him what I think face-to-face. Firstly, it's kind of unnecessary, and secondly, it's odd for a younger sister to be talking deep secrets with her elder brother.

Whatever.

Human beings are really secretive. How many of your secrets do you share? I guess people write blogs because they need a place to keep all their secrets, which they bury in between rants about what they just did and how their day was. When there was no Internet I guess they resorted to writing secret letters and tucking them into little nooks in their rooms. Or they wrote letters to their friend/pen pal/family back at home to complain about their hard times, because writing out your troubles is usually easier than telling someone about it face-to-face.

I guess it's correct to say that human beings are naturally lonely creatures, because more often than not, they can't find a fellow human being to spill all their secrets out to.

Now for IH. Hello IH.

Now for a quick blog...!

I finally found out who Yo-Yo Ma is... I always thought he was some Latin American guy who was a cellist and who had a hip-hop edge to his music. Now I know he's a Chinese who plays the cello...lols.

Anyway, I couldn't resist popping by blogger since I was online.

I've been feeling tired in school, even though I think I should have gotten used to my erratic sleeping times by now. I guess much of the tiredness comes from stress, maybe, and I think it would be a good thing for me to calm myself down a bit and think straight.

I'm not sure, every time EOYs come I start to have a major dilemma on how worried I should be and how best to go about studying. Hahah. That's not really the main thing to be worried about, right.

YAAAARGHHH RUNS AWAY FROM BLOGGER.

I don't think there's a correlation as to how much I blog and how well I do for the exams... At least that doesn't make sense. :)) (<-- double chin)

I'm gaining more fats --more adipose?-- from sitting too much and eating (too much?). Hehehs. The only thing I can use to comfort myself is that being thinner will make me look unnatural and unhealthy (o_o...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcOt6mfjxeA <-- Forrest Gump soundtrack, so nice :))

Lifehouse <3

About my ambitions, and subject combinations, I think it would be best if I follow what I think's right and stop asking people because they've got their own views, and so they'll be biased to some extent. I guess the best people to ask would be teachers. Right tigger?

Okay, firstly, is anyone interested in going for any of the following?

1) New York Philharmonic Orchestra Performance (19/20 october)

Physics test I think. But it's new york philharmonic! 8|

2) Singapore Writer's Festival

Although I'm not so enthusiastic about this one, if you're talking about trying to get advice for a writing career, but I'm interested in this for the entertainment :)

I feel like I'm knowing less and less about the people in class... Not that I was very close to a lot of people in class anyway, maybe you could say half or more of the class. After 4 years together, everyone just spaces out and finds her own comfy corner and settles down. But I'm like that too, and I think one of the more extreme loners (not in the whole sense of this word) in class, so no complaints.

Makes me regret not being more sociable in the lower sec years. lalalalah.

Just wasted the whole afternooon:

1) Read newspapers

2) Ate some junk food here and there.

Hang on, Ferero Rocher is not junk food >:(

And mooncake and cheeseballs and some HL milk hahah

3) Slept.

:D

Shall stop wasting time here zgoshz.

I smell something really good wafting my way from my neighbour's house. Smells like pandan leaves. Maybe the Ah Ma is making some nice nyonya kuehs... Or maybe she's making green bean soup. Sniffsniff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSRg8CTc8m0&feature=rec-HM-r2 Nice song! Broken, by Lifehouse.

I was just thinking that all this negativeness that I've been harbouring these past few days probably stemmed from my lack of sleep. Because a lack of sleep leaves me in a semi-conscious mode and I just stump around all day in school without thinking anything much at all. Then I stone at home and give myself mental reminders that I have to start revising. And I do. In a stoned manner.

More sleep will perk me up. Therefore I shall sleep early tonight. Early, meaning 10.30 pm. Yay!

Jay Chou's pronunciation is horrible. People who sing rock are so much better at pronouncing words... But Jay Chou's songs are nice and the words jump out at me at random intervals, so oh well, doesn't matter.

Okay. Why do I check facebook almost everyday even if I know that I'm not going to post anything... or even do anything to it? o:

I recently rediscovered how soothing Jay Chou's and Lin Jun Jie's songs are. :D Was listening to English songs for months and suddenly I switched to Chinese songs... but my fetish with Chinese songs never lasts long... Because I don't have a lot of them! And that's because they are erm hard to *get!

(Twitter) paulo coelho: 22/09 "Reality" is whatever majority deems it to be. Be part of the minority.

Ooh. Okay. Just being random.

If you like photos, visit http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/in_pictures/8268633.stm because they have a collection of a few pictures every day or every few days...

I think I have a very bad habit of straying over to the negative side and wallowing in discontent... Like I always have been doing these past few weeks. But watching TV and flipping through the news always succeeds in reminding me that I'm not the only person on Earth, that there are much more wonderful and horrific things happening to people happening across the world. And that there's life beyond school...

(this is really melodramatic, but I don't want to think of how I can paraphrase that...)

Though that feeling only happens once a day, eh, not like it's easy to see very far from where I usually am, which is in the classroom.

I guess I should think of the bigger picture and set my sights farther than the end of this year, farther than me, myself and I and definitely realize that I'm not the only person sitting in class.

Shall study now, and wait for Elsa to come online so we can finish (off) Confucius.

There are so many books I want to read! But when I think about it, there are a gazillion books in the world anyway, so it makes most sense to just be patient and wait.

There are things to be accomplished, let's go!

:D

Now to blog before EOY guilt sets in.

I've been picking on our education system lately, and I can't say I'm being fair here, because when people are displeased with their surroundings they try to find ways in which they can pick at the system. And then they feel a sense of vindictive pleasure after they succeed in finding weaknesses (or not) in it.

I liked John Holt's essay, and Michael (iforgot)'s essay ("the plural of leaf is tree") and I also liked the most recent compre about the weaknesses of Asian education. Although the last article is apparently biased. I guess the Western education system also places quite a bit of importance on ranking and achievements (if not why would people have the incentive to do well?), just that they don't place as much emphasis on it as we do. Anyway, this is a guess.

I feel like I've just been treating the languages as mere tools ever since I stepped into primary school. No, I think ever since I stepped into upper primary. GEP. Lower primary were the Lalaland days (yeah!). That's a hint at why I don't like the current education system.

That's why some people here do not regard the languages with as much respect as, say the Chinese Chinese or the European English do. Like, boomz, you know.

That's not the point!

I think I want to continue my newfounded love for books, and not leave those books in my room (and my brother's room) unread. (When I say books, I mean English books...oops...)

But then again, blaming the education system now seems like what only a loser would do. I guess the best thing I can do now is to study hard for the exams and

YAHOO I WILL BE FREE YAHAHAHAH.

Hmm, there's been nothing much on my mind recently. I suppose that's a good thing! Because it means that I'm generally, um, more contented...

Had a talk on cosmology today, and I think it was quite fascinating. It wasn't the maths that fascinated. It was more of how those researchers actually figured out the equations (what-- hubble's constant, cosmological constant, some metric), when there wasn't actually anyone else to teach them about cosmology (since they were the pioneers themselves).

I feel like I'm a slave of facebook. Always checking newsfeed. ARGH. Cos I'm bored and the internet doesn't really offer any other cheap and quick alternative to boredom. Except twitter? o_o but there's no difference between facebook and twitter because they are both lousy social netowrking sites for us flighty people. I guess I just insulted half the world, hehs.

Anyway, if you are bored, you can look up 0adrianlee0 on youtube. He plays lots of songs on the piano! Like Linkin' Park's songs (wow, piano rock!) and other pop songs, including some older ones by the Beatles. Really cool! :)

I think I should put a stop to my lust for books, because I have lots of them in my shelf already, unread, and there are more in my brother's room. What's worse is I haven't been reading because my mum and brother both believe that if I read I can just say bye to my exams...

Will 1) Read alot

and 2) Play the piano

after the exams! :)

I look to your coming, O Lovely! :D

"Look to my coming on the dawn of the 5th day." -- Gandalf

Oh tralalah.

Good morning!

Now I think that yesterday's depression was just my other usual irrational side. Has cheered up quite a bit. It's immature getting sad over such stuff.

I shall go to the dentist now.

When I'm bored, I sometimes go to this blog: http://irreligiously.blogspot.com/ . It's a way to exercise my stale mind for a bit. I think that some of the posts might be tinged with some religious preaching, but that doesn't matter a bit.

Actually I wouldn't realize if the local media was censored. That blog claims it is, and I think it is true in a way, but how do you differentiate between the government's (self-defensive) interference with the media and censorship?

And we don't really know much about the limits to which we can express our views in the Internet, right? What exactly is considered offensive?

Being quite interested in journalism myself, I personally think the post's comments on journalism were quite interesting. I admire the lady who argued with her editors in the newsroom. I think it would be interesting if a really objective, somewhat pro-opposition newspaper started circulating about Singapore.

Or is there one already?

Was feeling rather depressed at home today, because I guess that I was both fed-up with staying at home too much and also fed-up with my very immediate future-- studying, studying, studying and EOYs.

Mum noticed my lethargy and decided that we should go out to Jurong Point for a little shopping (I bought a new book called The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman, unlikely that I'll read it soon because of you-know, but I'll read it in the future after the immediate one...).

Had a lunch in Lai Lai's Kitchen, then had a splitting headache on the right of my head. Amazingly, the headache vanished when I started reading random books at Popular! Yay. Stayed till 6 pm.

And then felt rather sad (like feeling one-dimensional) again after reaching home, but kind of cheered up when I started surfing the Net and blogging.

Oh, yeah.

Guess I need to pull myself out of being one-dimensional and start perking up.

-- Afterthought: And it's in times like this when I really appreciate the interaction I have with my family and friends, whoever I talked to, in whatever manner, excluding over-enthusiastic salesmen or people who try to give a free tub of lotion to my mum.

And my social circle is so tiny you could fit it into a spoon, so that makes the interaction all the more precious.

(I said spoon cause I was thinking of Hermione and Ron. "emotional range of a teaspoon"!)

Goo'night.

Watched UP today and it was very funny, very touching. The boy (Russell) is so cute! And Dug too. And Kevin! Oh wells, no spoilers!

I guess flying ants were a remnant of the forests that we, correction-- I mean the guys back in 1960s, cleared away in Jurong. Now they are back here to haunt me. Was reading and suddenly -- PLOP!-- a flying ant landed on the page. I blew it away. I think I blew it off in the vague direction of a spider's web (cleverly built between the corner of my 2 cupboards), because after a while I discovered the web and i saw a flying ant struggling there. Oops.

Then there was another PLOP and another flying ant came, so I blew it again. This time it landed about 5 cm away from the spider's web. Later when I looked, it was motionless. Oops.

I think this post is actually quite cruel.

But they bothered me so much, and they came at a bad time because I was having a blocked nose.

Must be really scary to be a flying ant. Or any other insect as small as that, or smaller than that.

I would be terrified of spiders, and those huge beige blobs that move and swipe at me while I fly about. Or worse still, blow me towards the spider's web.

Eek.

I was wondering-- if people always portray giants as stupid ("big and stupid guy."), or any other large animal, like mammoths of the prehistoric times, as stupid, then doesn't it mean the bigger you are, the more stupid you get? Then aren't flying ants smarter than us? o_o heheh.

Oh wells it's just a myth. On the other hand, smarter-than-human insects would be a scary idea.

Just came back from a trip to my grampa's house, and spent a rather unproductive day there. I mean very. I barely scraped a question in my maths rev booklet.

Heh and tomorrow I'm gonna watch UP! yay! finally.

Watched a show about ladyboys in Thailand. And I still feel it's unthinkable how some people are actually born a boy/girl at heart. I mean, when I was young, I never particularly wanted to behave like a boy or girl. But at the same time I think they are quite a sad/admirable bunch of people.

Facebook just sort of scared me again. I can't think what extent some people would go to to flirt. O:

Horny asses. -.-

Lol, look:

Today, I met my new teachers. My science teacher is James Potter. My name is Harry. I have asked him to adopt me so I can legally be Harry Potter. MLIA

-From mylifeisaverage.com

Okay, me's bored!

I find that I feel the boredest when I'm at home alone. My mum's out at Nanyang Glitters and my bro's off to Marina Barrage. (o_o?)

And I'm also the least productive when I'm home alone. I spent the whole of today reading through IH conflict notes without even doing up any notes for myself. At least I finished. phew?

And I gave Greenaria my pet turtle a clean-up today. Now she's hanging at the window, although there's no sun now (it's 6 pm).

Some people learn because they want to get good grades and go to university.

Some people learn because they love that subject.

Some people learn to look smart.

Number 2's the most ideal one. I guess you can only feel like number 2 when you've gotten a taste of other subjects that you don't like. Then you can truly know what you really love learning about.

I'm on the way there.

Brick walls are there for you to show how much you want something. Then I guess it also comes with a long hard slog before you finally get to the something you've always wanted. But that it probably cannot come before you experience and learn other things first.

I'm glad the holidays are here :)

No point defining what holidays mean, I guess we all know by now. And anyway, we've all learnt to appreciate whatever free time's given to us already.

Enough gabbling, off to make IH notes (finally, at 6.10 pm...)

I've been thinking about education and me (again), and I've arrived at some deductions, but I shan't post anything about it because I don't see any point in doing so.

By the way, La Chata keeps sneaking into my head. And I just played DBSK's mirotic (because I was reading the mis-read lyrics version) so it's sneaking into my head too.

I am going to get all of you! I'll be standing at a corner with a spoon. Watch out.

Today was elections day, and it was amusing to watch sec 3s freak out. Being Nice Senior, I tried to encourage them. Now I think I should just have gone 'hyehyehyeh' at them. :)

Good night!

Actually, I love how our class has stuck together for 4 years, because it's like growing up together. It might be oh-so-boring at times, or it might be so dreary that you feel like stabbing the next person who gets on your nerves, but sometimes you appreciate it. :) Actually, I have been in a very -__- mood the past few weeks. With a few exceptions of lively outbursts.

Okay, good night!

I think my classmates might well just turn out to be a sort of comfort club for next year, where everything gets invaded by more (well) 'school' and we all get split into different classes.

I need to be more aware of others' needs too.

Just as I need a peaceful environment to work and live in, others need it too.

~~~

I'll limit my playing time today!

Doing facebook quizzes is fun.

I really admire people always see the fun side in everything... even when things are dreary/sad/unfulfilling.

I just feel that the atmosphere in school is rather tense, tired.

But I don't want to continue mulling over this statement because I don't want to end up feeling like that also!

I don't feel all that tense or tired. Or maybe I do, sometimes in school. And when I reach home I ease up again, on such days.

Speaking of home, I took a nap this afternoon and woke up feeling extremely guilty. D: Guilt always comes after naps. Is it such a bad thing to sleep!
Obviously not, it gives me energy to do work later on.

Onward myself, and onward all my friends!
jiayou :]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZIIJ0_R_Ok REALLY AWESOME! :)

I think too little exercise is making me think too much. Too much because the thinking's going round in circles, so it's totally redundant!

Shall aim to jump and prance about more.

And try some way to do more exercise.

I think exercise truly helps you focus, funnily enough.

I used to think exercise was for nutters with too much time on their hands...

Turns out that I want to be a nutter now.

Hahah! I'd like to recall one incident before I get away from slackerdom. Slackerness plus boredom. O:

(Almost) Every student in school: BOOM BOOM!

Mr Mac: ... ... ... POW!

Heheh! Forgot about it until I saw a Facebook video of it. Too bad for them and too good for us that the video rule was ignored. :)

I smell good food from my neighbour's house.

Three or four days ago, when my mum and I got out of the lift at our floor, our neighbour's dog Yoyo dashed out and started jumping about us and licking my hands! :D Yay! So cute. It's white and fluffy, but it doesn't have weird curly fur, like poodles. Heheh.

I was humming Prettiest Friend by Jason Mraz and it suddenly became You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. O wells.

I'm happy that I'm in ny! :)

Although happy is definitely not in the present moment, because I'm still feeling horribly bored. When you read this, tell me if you've ever felt so bored before.

Bored with things to do, how about that.

Is that the only thing you all can say to me, study?

This might be less stressful if I were the elder sibling. Seriously. BLAH.

I'm starting to feel that there's something extra there with me whenever I sit down. It's called my tummy. D: I'm putting on weight! It's like how garfield lay down and thought that there was somebody in there with him, who/which turned out to be his tummy. Eek.

Teachers' Day concert today was as usual awesome and really funny! Even though I've seen my teachers dance before I still can't get used to the fact that they do, and I think other people felt that way too, everyone was screaming in shock/excitement! hahah!
And Barbarella was absolutely funny! <3

But right now it's like the feeling after you get a high-- boredom and something like not knowing what to do next. Hmm.

Speaking of CmPS, I think school creates much of the generation gap. Because you spend most of your childhood and adolescence and school, so school actually forms a major part of your character and personality. And your parents don't attend school with you, so they can't experience what you've learnt from both your teachers and (of course) your (crazy) friends. And the schooling systems between one generation and another is also very different; see John Holt's essay and you'll know that your parents probably attended a school which was heavy on discipline, and on memory and technical work. But schools now are not like that.

So children and their parents have different ways of thinking and different approaches to family life. And sometimes it gets so bad that children and their parents speak on totally different wavelengths and that's how you get the extreme cases where parents don't talk much to their children and vice versa.

That's why children stick to their parents more when they are younger but drift apart from their parents as they get older, or as they spend more time with their friends.

Am I making sense or is it just that older children just want more time to be independent and all that? Or maybe it's both.

Of course in most cases, parents and children are reasonably close to each other. But you rarely see a parent and a child who are really close to each other right, like BFFs? o_o
But I just remembered a part in the Last Lecture, where the narrator (Randy Pausch) gets (really accurate) love advice from his parents. I guess a parent-child relationship on the best-friends-level would be quite unthinkable, but a relationship on the advisor-and-student level would be what all of us are going through now. Which is good.

Which is a sensible conclusion!

I'm going to copy parts of that and put it into OneXYGENeration's facebook group. Please join! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=125600147330&mid=1007aa0G23bf2f41G26c8159G6 There you go.

By the way, Jason Mraz is an awesome singer! I'm glad to be a fan of his. :)
And Taylor Swift isn't that odd after all. I thought she was kind of weird singing love songs all day(and I also thought Teardrops on My Guitar's MV was really odd), but now I think that her MVs are actually funny and her voice is good. :) Cheers to all singers out there! I'll always like music with vocals (i mean music with a voice. is that what you call it?) because I know that it's near impossible for me to have a singer's voice. Yay!

I think I'll miss NY more than I miss NYPS when I graduate next year. But that's not the point. I'll miss ny when I graduate next year! Because concerts are always a blast and the teachers are always very sporting! :D And I'll miss the friendly all-girl atmosphere too. Heheh. I don't know how to describe it. I'll probably describe this feeling better next year. Because right now it's this feeling coupled with feelings for work.

Eech. Okay. Bye bye!

I'm gonna listen to Abracadabra D: Please note that I only like the song! D:

I can't blog! The song kills my brain!

(wait.)

ARGH the video is incredibly disturbing!

(Are korean boybands inclined to act gay while girlbands inclined to act lesbian or something? o_o)

If these bands were singaporean bands I think the forum would be flooding with letters arguing whether these videos were bad for children, or would show a negative image of our country. Not a veiled criticism or anything, just a culture thing. Because I can't really see our olders (not elders) appreciating/accepting this kind of pop music. And we, some of us, would probably also find it weird (like me!) .

But I can't imagine how our local music culture will be like. Because a) I don't really listen to local music, oops and b) it's not really mature yet, right? Maybe we are more of the mellow type, like electrico (which is like coldplay! yay!) and dick lee who pens nice-feeling songs. (And weird bubblegum pop people like By2.)

My mood this week was not so good at the beginning and then good at the end! Weird. I can't figure out why. Don't mistake me for an emo kid!

But I guess contentedness/happiness is just an attitude away. Which is quite hard to achieve. Oh wells. Enough of these murky mood moments.

Wahahah. I think my mum and brother have been telling me things like "Why aren't you studying now!" and "Have you started revising?" and "You better study hard eh" everyday! (save for one or two rare days.)

Not complaining, because these jolting comments are good reminders...

THAT I SHOULDN'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME HERE! ARGH.

Do we all lead single-tracked lives filled with school and nothing else much?

D:

Pardon this but I'm relaly feeling rather drained/numb/bored. And I'm trying to study Physics.

I mean, besides school, do we all have something else to stimulate our minds with? For me, well, there's nothing else much but surfing the net for random bits of information and listening to music. And reading books.

I hope I don't sound like a nerd who's stuck either at home or in school all day.

Hai.

Actually, that's what I am.

I should really go out somewhere to find someplace/something else to occupy my mind eh.

Rather than filling out precious seconds writing such a ___ post.

On second thought, all my posts have mostly been about school.

-.-

Speaking of school, is it possible to take both KI and GP in JC? I doubt it. But they are rather different subjects right? So why do they give us an either/or option.

-------------------------------

Minutes later:

Never mind, I think I've got the ansewr to my first question. The answer is to provide for your own entertainment and not wait for it to fall into your lap.

o_o...

Okay @pling's overseas scholarship convo:

that was kind of entertaining and I want to disagree because. Because for some subjects overseas education is definitely better.

And it's nice and weird at the same time to have that kind of conversation. Will we think like that in future? After jc? o_o

Hmm. I think that the blog of a teenager is generally either amusing or weird to stomach.

At least that's what I think of myself. But I think I'm more weird to stomach than amusing. Because I usually cannot place the finger on what exactly I'm feeling or thinking.

Anyway, a blog is not worth a day's recount unelss the day was especially special or exciting. But mine would be just your average school day, except that today was a little happier than yesterday, and tadah!

Comparing my schedule to my brother's, as well as reading both our blogs, I have come to realize that life's actually quite a breeze where I am. I probably should stop feeling bored/resentful/like a victim.

We get to be 16 only once!

Anyway, in hindsight, it is quite fortunate to have abundant resources around me so that I can keep learning.

(no matter how sleep-inducing the topic is.)

(but not all topics are boring, some are actually quite interesting)

Like China studies. (i.e. tier 3 culture lessons). They are actually quite interesting to know, with the minor drawback that the notes are written in extremely summarized form, so learning it is like trying to memorize a long shopping list.

Notes in paragraph form would probably be better. But no time to make notes now, test is tomorrow!

Sometimes I regret not being more fun-loving/ sticking to my guns about having fun more. This has had quite a disastrous result-- school life sometimes seems as dry as cotton. Fluffy, with not much substance.

It probably does not make a difference between a really fulfilling school life, and a life in which you walk through with your eyes closed, but it still makes a difference anyway and that's how you sustain yourself through the dreariness of homework and a 5-days-a-week-life.

Then again I think school definitely does not constitute the whole of our lives. That would be very sad indeed. Each time you get A for your test would be like, erm, having a kid or setting up a new company. Also, feeling bored in a lesson would be like a blank stretch of depressing boredom in your life, like being retrenched.

Never mind with all the weird examples.

But I think that as good as education may become, it can never beat, say, a one-to-one talk with a person you trust enough with your future. That person can be your teacher or a friend or a family member or a whoever you pick up from a chance meeting, just as long as you trust him/her. Because I think that most of the time, school is full of stereotypes. GEP kids are smart and loud and witty. Science stream students are (erm) hardworking to the point of some being overachievers. Arts stream students party all day.

(Pardon me for the stereotypes D: anyway, they are stereotypes)

So people try to tailor the systems to these stereotypes and leave out others in the process. I mean, the differences between students of different streams are not that distinct right?

It's like being at a restaurant where they sort out the good beef and the bad beef. Then from the good beef they pick out the whole-grain-fed ones and the grass-fed-ones and whatever and treat them accordingly.

But I'm not trying to start a revolution or anything. Heheh.

I'm just trying to say that school is not the only avenue of learning (yay, John Holt!) and that we must find other ways to learn and fill ourselves up.

After all, we don't want to graduate only knowing the differences between an AC motor and a DC motor and how our stomachs digest food.

teehee!

I really wonder where my brother got his taste for books from.

Me, I just grab anything that comes along.

(although I'm not that interested in fantasy anymore. And not chick lit.)

Anyone who sat beside Jess today for LA would have wanted to laugh/curse at her. Cos she was covering her eyes and asking me what she got! And of course, after seeing what she got, it gave me enough reason to whack her on the head.

And Jess here's another virtual whack for you! :) WHACKWHACKSPLAT.

I'm glad I've got an older brother who frequently gives me advice and pep talks (the most recent one given to get me to study for EOYs) and a mum who cares for us all in rather unobvious ways. I'm also glad I've got friends whom I can share my stuff with.

Yay!

Was practically grinning from ear to ear with relief today for Chinese. But still it ain't an improvement from last time. It's the exact same mark! o_o.

And I just played patient for my brother. Heheh. Really weird. It's not nice being a patient. (actually, of course) Not nice being a doctor too.

Anyway, I think I want to study humanities in university. But currently this aspiration is rather unstable because

1) My IH marks are not what you call good

2) I'm in triple science stream

But I guess number 2 isn't much of a problem as long as I do well in humanities (projects/extra stuff) in JC. I'm most likely not going to sign up for Humanities Programme, because looking back at my secondary school record, there's not much reason for the Hwa Chong Humanities Dept to accept me as a HP student.

So I'll have to depend on a hybrid subject combination and work hard and do a humanities tertiary education!

But firstly, we'll have to look at what's looming ahead.

And of course, all this thinking I've done above was done with the help of my brother.

I have a lot of books I wanna read.

A LOT!

Am now at Claire's house and slacking!
Finished vectors. :)

Okay!

Although I think that my previous posts have certainly been rather emo, but I still feel a twinge of anger when I think of said thing in previous post, that makes me curse aloud. (teehee!)

But now I think that although people may have tons of flawed ways of thinking that they try to impose on you, what matters most is your own judgment, which you would do well to trust. After all, no one else knows you better than you do.

Still, said thing in previous post cannot be the only thing with which I judge people. People do many other things that define who they are.

Away with this vague rubbish.

I'm currently slacking-- blogging and doing facebook quizzes. And listening to a dbsk song (O:)

After thinking through today's speeches, I think I really do appreciate my teachers, even though I'm not personally close to any of them. But they are nice and quite a joy to see in school. (Well, except maybe for one or two, but that's just the minority, right?)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i'd really love a school where people weren't so obsessed over marks, so worried about their futures and so anxious to compete well.

D:

We all lead a saaaaad, saaaaaaaad life.

If my words just extinguished your spirit, sorry, because this is a bout of depression that I have to blog about.

Brother: Isn't it a bit too early, at 16 years old, to worry about university stuff?

Me: But it's only 3 years away.

Brother: You've got a point. Hmm... (pause) Yah life is very sad lah.

[Person in question is not me. But don't you agree.]

And what I find the most demoralising is when someone constantly reminds you of his/her expectations of you. But at the same time he/she doesn't seem to be able to muster the courage to believe in you.

Imagine that. Sad right?

If you'd really like me to do well, please stop bugging me and please do not say that you picture me crying at the end of the year because I couldn't get to JC. Please.

Voice of optimism:

Well, what's said is said, but what's most important is you believe in yourself and you know what you are doing!

D:

Note to self:

Be as optimistic and driven as I was for Sec 3 EOYs.

Now I will erase the damage that I did in the previous post.

No use for my future if I go on ranting.
Maybe I should keep my rebellion aside for now, and focus on studying.

IF NOT I HAVE AN EXTRA YEAR OF SCHOOLING! D: *horror*

SO, I must STUDY HARD!

START NOW! NEVER TOO EARLY TO START! STUDY A FEW ROUNDS!

Voice of sanity:

Some parts of studying are actually fun. While others are boring, the interesting parts kind of make up for it.

Studying should be my short term goal for now so that I can graduate with an easy heart. (and so my mum can breathe a sigh of relief).

Because I know I'll never sleep in peace if my marks are below (my) expectations.

Like how I haven't truly gotten over the fact that my Chinese marks are so dismal.

(Actually, why? My Chinese was kind of brilliant in Sec 1. Then it plummeted.)

(Maybe it's because I haven't read Chinese books for so long.)

Some things are better left unsaid.

:)

School is bad for children

Cheers to Mr John Holt. :)

I'm going to write some of my thoughts down after reading (half of) the passage, because the moment I read the first sentence, a huge 'yes' went resonating throughout me and it got me interested to continue reading it.

School really stifled learning as it truly should have been. Learning is fun. Learning is meaningful. Learning is interesting. But learning's not learning when I didn't even feel the need for learning it. You don't forcefeed someone milk when he's not hungry. You don't talk to someone who really needs a break.

But I'm not saying I don't want to learn. I do. But I think the way the school system is structured has made it almost impossible for people to raise their objections -- Hey, I don't think I want to learn this now! I felt a desire to learn in primary school because I wondered about many natural laws that govern our everyday lives. For example, why do I lean to the right when the car turns left? Or how does food cook? But now, some of the things we learn in school are things which really don't trigger any interest in us at all. So learning's not fun, meaningful and interesting now, because we don't get a choice.

I just feel that school should be less structured, and more focused on choice. Without free choice, people wouldn't be happy. Right?

(like, well, huimay wouldn't be happy if she had been forced to go up to the maths class upstairs).

Hard to put words into action, but I'll do it!

now.

Am really amused by the Pirate language on Facebook. To change it, go to settings and look for English (Pirate), under the languages tab. Got me staring at ye olde facebook's home port for quite a long while.

Anyway, today was a rather uneventful and depressing day, in the sense that most teenagers identify with.

Because I got back my Chinese marks. D: And I think I'll just blabber my marks here-- I got 58/100, which breaks down into 37/70 for zuowen, 16/20 for shiyongwen and 62.5/110 for compre. Ack. Although I might get a mark raise for zuowen, I'm not sure. 58/100 is a C5! Although looking at the marks alone, 58 and 65 do not make a large difference. But they do when they are a full 2 grades apart! D:

As my mum says, I better pull my socks up to knee length/or even higher if I want to pass my O levels. Are there actually socks that go higher than your knee? Whatever.

So I spent most of the afternoon sulking over my marks, until at about 5 plus after my bath. Because bath times are cheer up times!

That sounds rather weird, but I'm sure you'd agree if I say that bath times help to clear your mind and chase the evils away. It seems lousy to be spending a day brooding over mere marks. (MERE marks?!) Rather the time could be better spent, like posting on one's blog (o_o) or well, doing revision!

I'll be doing revision later. After dinner!

What I shall do:

Exercises from Chinese O level book

Some Sec 3 topic revision (if there's still time. hopefully there is)

Then I'll read.

When you're brooding over something, everything else seems doubly bad, and they all come at you to make you even more depressed. But after that you realize that actually, you were the one who placed all these expectations on yourself, and that you would be better off without them to worry your mind. Better off to do other more constructive things.

Hinthint* to self.

Sometimes school just seems like an endless list of things to do. I think I'm really looking forward to the end of year programmes now. :)

Although school seems like an endless road to hell, but it makes me glad to know there are people along the way who will give me really encouraging feedback, and also less pleasant but constructive advice. It also makes me happier that, in the end, the road doesn't actually lead to hell, but leads to (erm) well, good, solid, fragrant, earth!

Frankly I don't understand what I just wrote, seriously. I just mean that although school life is so blah, it will end in something good.

Majulah marshy.

Okay, I am feeling quite happy.

Firstly I have discussed with a group of friends the possiblity of starting a new project (yay!) and discussing a new project always sounds good, it always makes you feel excited.

I've also looked at other sabbatical outlines, and journalism sounds good, although I want to gather more information on that. (Hopefully I've got a reliable source) Work experience sounds good too, there's work at a hotel and at other interesting sounding organisations. :D

On a more serious note I think I need to get my head back on my shoulders and get down to work. D: EOYs sure sound (erm.) challenging. If I really have gotten my head back on my shoulders then I wouldn't be blogging about this actually.

Never mind.

I'd really like to do something useful for end of this year. Because after it's quite a landmark year, and I want to end it well! And also it's a holiday where we won't get a shred of homework so I'll be really free and I don't think I'd like to spend it lazing around. So will choose something meaningful! :)

Okay, back to screw my mind on more tightly.

I want to read these books!

This is an extension of my Goodreads account. Because the to-read list there is too long to really give significance to these books:

1) Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry (or another book by him would be okay too.)

In fact I think I've got a newfound interest in utopia/dystopia/"weird world" kind of books.

Actually it's a series. 1st book: The Giver; 2nd book: Gathering Blue and 3rd book: Messenger

So a note to myself: Go here!

http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/47.Best_utopia_dystopia_and_other_world_fiction

Yay I like Goodreads. It's a good place for people who don't know what kind of books they'd like to read.

2) Lord of the Flies by William Golding

I heard this book was really scary. (?)

3) And on a side note, The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien!

I wanna go to the library nowwww! Shall visit library tomorrow. :D

Okay.

Another post coming up later!

I'm going to watch Singapore Idol now!

I have a feeling now that I had quite a bit of things to say but now I can't remember them. Probably because I'm watching TV and juggling my homework at the same time :D

Oh wells.

Shall not go into wallowing mode.

Look sharp, look bright, appreciate being! :D

o_O.

Hmm. I've been really free these days and it's a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I have more control of my time and I can spend time slacking/doing other stuff that I like. Bad because sometimes I don't really know what to do. I guess I'll just follow my instincts and do whatever comes to mind.

Like reading. I always feel this obligation to read books that are, you know, academically enriching. But that's hard to judge when you come across books which you don't know. Or it will be really boring reading old classics with olde english. I'd like to read Wuthering Heights in modern english though. Doubt our library has that. I couldn't get past the first few pages of wuthering heights last time.

Okay a distraction arrived in the form of pam, and I'm watching nigahiga videos now.

Okay ended with me watching a rather stupid video halfway. not funny!

Anyway I do not feel inclinded to stress myself over anything right now.

Man, I feel a sense of unfulfilment somewhere inside.

So, I have not revived piano.
I think my relationship with piano requires some sort of burst of inspiration. The type of feeling where I feel like I really want to play a song, like last time when I decided I would play some of LOTR songs on the piano. :D
So, that inspiration has not come. After all, piano is a creative hobby, and all creativity requires inspiration. :)

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE! :D

I hate it when people do not trust my instincts and doubt whether I can keep my promises. Then again I don't always keep them, because I didn't regard them as promises. I hate it when I'm treated like a child who doesn't know what's good for herself.
OH PLEASE.

Never mind. Whiny issues aside.

I feel that school (yes, school, not life) is still very boring, but I must find ways by myself to make it interesting for me.
For example, reading! But I can't keep reading or my brain will automatically go into dreamy mode. For example, blogging! For example, I don't know, but inspirational slacking! (slacking which came purely out of inspiration)

I must learn to not treat my friends as just another part of dull school, but as a part of my life I should appreciate. :)
After all, it is they who spiced up my school years.


I enjoy spending time with extended relatives (including aunts and uncles), because they remind me that my life isn't all that mono-tracked and awfully boring. Although most of the relatives (whom I actually talk to/exchange a few words with) are older than I am, it is not boring. In fact some relatives of my generation are actually spoilt to the point of being a complete sore in the eye, and some are silent geeks who tap on the playstation the whole evening, and the rest are, well, complete strangers who are too shy/don't bother to talk to anyone. So I mainly talk to my elders. :) and pick up some gossip in hokkien :) (okay, it is quite mindless to call it gossip when it was actually a heartfelt confidence. oops sorry)

Okay, gtg, to try to fulfil my promise. promise? promise.

And it's getting quite late, I promised my mum I'd sleep early, but I must say this :D

I took this online quiz thingy that day, and it says I share the same personality results as:

Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes
Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson
Lord of the Rings writer J.R.R. Tolkien
(and also William Shakespeare, apparently)

YAY! :D

Goodnight.

Okay, after more than an hour at this html thing, I've finally overcome blogger! :D
And this has made me feel so accomplished that I kind of forgot what made me so upset/contemplative. zzz.

But the main gist is that, well, school really doesn't hold anymore motivation for me. I actually felt a desire to go to school in about secondary 1 and 2, and 3. But not now, exactly. What got me so miserable was how all I could see in my life right now was just homework, revision, more tests, more exams. Very depressing thought. So much so that it just quashed the sense of accomplishment in me.
I thought that since I was so bored, why not take up something interesting? Interesting, not as in going for outings after school, because those are just one-off things. But maybe something more consistent like learning a musical instrument. Like playing the guitar. That would actually be quite cool.
That's just one part of me.
The other part wonders if this is just another spark of interest that might die off soon.
Then again I don't get many sparks.

I've read a few biographies, famous ones, like Tuesdays with Morrie (more of a personal recount) and I'm currently reading The Last Lecture. And all these people seem to have lead very fulfilling lives, that do not get stuck at a certain place.
Maybe it's just because I'm still a student. That's all. And I have to wait until I graduate (from this one), before I make more exciting changes to this routine.
Read Pling's post on how she doesn't like a routine life, and how she'd prefer one where there's lots of things going on and she can rush from place to place.
I think one of the reasons why I think like that now is because I chose the wrong subject combination back in Secondary 2. (?) Triple science is engaging at times, but it gets really boring after a while, so much so that it dulls my senses and numbs my brains. I think A Lit would have been a much better choice. At least I'd have got to learn about Macbeth and A Midsummer Night's Dream. I really think learning literature is much more practical and useful than learning about propanoic acid and split-ring commutators.

Maybe I'll request for a guitar for my next birthday :D And of course buy a self-help guitar book. :)
I really like this quote from The Last Lecture: "Brick walls are there to let you show how much you want something".
And I think Imagineering is very cool. And also how Mr Randy Pausch got to fulfill most of his childhood dreams.

Speaking of childhood dreams, I seriously can't think of any of my own. I know I watched a lot of drama serials when I was a kid (and that's where I got all my vocab from), so I visualized myself as some sort of power-career-woman when I grow up.
However this is definitely NOT the case now. Lol.
And I get all my career inspirations from external sources, like my brother and (sounds funny but) online quizzes. They say I'm creatively and musically inclined. I hope that's true.
(cos I can't really tell now, can I, not when I'm taking a pure science combination)(and also because i stopped piano... 8|)

Shall revive piano.

Hello, my new blog.
I've been changing blogs for many times already, and this was either because I got tired of the blog url, or because I wanted a fresh new start on a blog.
Probably not enough time for me to post now, because a lot of things are running through my mind.
I usually start a new blog when I'm --let's see-- upset and contemplative. Fine mixture of both.