Woke up at 1145 today. Slept at 12 plus last night. Just conked out all the way for about 11 hours! COOL.
Okay now I need to clear up my lrw shit
Maybe I'm getting a bit too uptight about grades. :( But at the same time... something is pushing me in the opposite direction. SIGH WHAT IS this crap.
Okay I think the crap is in me thinking too much. I hate getting all suspicious over stupid stuff like this
Okay back to clearing lrw shit
Okay now I need to clear up my lrw shit
Maybe I'm getting a bit too uptight about grades. :( But at the same time... something is pushing me in the opposite direction. SIGH WHAT IS this crap.
Okay I think the crap is in me thinking too much. I hate getting all suspicious over stupid stuff like this
Okay back to clearing lrw shit
I think I know what's happening to me. All this while I've been holding this honest but blinkered belief that I was born with a better brain than other people. It might not show because I honestly also want to be a humble person so I've never been a flashy person. You might wonder why I have such a belief but if you know how I grew up, you will also know that I was taught to believe that I was born with a better brain than others. But there are events that are proving my belief wrong. And I feel this secretly elitist mentality in me dwindling, stripping down to a core. The core contains my fear and bewilderment at this thing called academics.
I feel like I'm going to approach academics in a more human manner right now. Minus the secret-elitist, the self-entitlement.
When I held that belief I didn't know why I was holding it, and the only reason that kept me holding it was my rather decent grades in JC. Don't judge. You probably also had decent grades in JC. Anyway, other than that, I felt like it was really just a hollow belief. I didn't know in what other way my belief was justified, and whenever I questioned this belief, I felt a certain smallness, and I felt that I was very sheltered against the world.
When I started university I learnt that there were so many other things that were bigger than academics. Like the ability to hold a conversation in class, the ability to work in a totally random group of people who come from a place that is not a top-tier JC (AND SERIOUSLY I honestly don't mean any discrimination here since it is because of these groups that I did alright for my modules) and the ability to uh... be an interesting person who is respected in his/her circle. In sem 1 I felt that my secretly-elitist mentality was stripping down and right now I feel like it's almost all gone already.
And right now I'm just feeling very apprehensive. At every competitive person's core is a shitload of apprehension. I'm not going to think of people as smart or not anymore; I'm going to think of people as tenacious vs not tenacious. Tenacity reflects something much more than smartness; it reflects an almost overflowing sincerity for what you really want, and when somebody feels like that despite all the adversities and shit thrown his/her way, that somebody is somebody to be admired.
Guys, there is no such thing as smartness in this world. And when I say smart I mean that academic-smart kind of smart. There's another type of smartness, called working-smart, but I call that tenacity. Am I making sense?
My world just completely fell apart.
But don't worry about me, I'm saying that in a joking way. It has got to be quite a crappy world if it just fell apart so easily. It's not a world worth keeping.
Omg can I go to somewhere else and learn how to be a drummer/keyboardist/guitarist/vocalist and release my own album and film my music video backwards with paint stripping off me? It's alright if I don't earn much because I'll work at someplace else like at a kindergarten and childcare centre and that will be my back-up job while at nights I will go and jam with my band (if it exists).
Answer: yes you can, in your dreams.
Okay really back to lrw shit
I feel like I'm going to approach academics in a more human manner right now. Minus the secret-elitist, the self-entitlement.
When I held that belief I didn't know why I was holding it, and the only reason that kept me holding it was my rather decent grades in JC. Don't judge. You probably also had decent grades in JC. Anyway, other than that, I felt like it was really just a hollow belief. I didn't know in what other way my belief was justified, and whenever I questioned this belief, I felt a certain smallness, and I felt that I was very sheltered against the world.
When I started university I learnt that there were so many other things that were bigger than academics. Like the ability to hold a conversation in class, the ability to work in a totally random group of people who come from a place that is not a top-tier JC (AND SERIOUSLY I honestly don't mean any discrimination here since it is because of these groups that I did alright for my modules) and the ability to uh... be an interesting person who is respected in his/her circle. In sem 1 I felt that my secretly-elitist mentality was stripping down and right now I feel like it's almost all gone already.
And right now I'm just feeling very apprehensive. At every competitive person's core is a shitload of apprehension. I'm not going to think of people as smart or not anymore; I'm going to think of people as tenacious vs not tenacious. Tenacity reflects something much more than smartness; it reflects an almost overflowing sincerity for what you really want, and when somebody feels like that despite all the adversities and shit thrown his/her way, that somebody is somebody to be admired.
Guys, there is no such thing as smartness in this world. And when I say smart I mean that academic-smart kind of smart. There's another type of smartness, called working-smart, but I call that tenacity. Am I making sense?
My world just completely fell apart.
But don't worry about me, I'm saying that in a joking way. It has got to be quite a crappy world if it just fell apart so easily. It's not a world worth keeping.
Omg can I go to somewhere else and learn how to be a drummer/keyboardist/guitarist/vocalist and release my own album and film my music video backwards with paint stripping off me? It's alright if I don't earn much because I'll work at someplace else like at a kindergarten and childcare centre and that will be my back-up job while at nights I will go and jam with my band (if it exists).
Answer: yes you can, in your dreams.
Okay really back to lrw shit
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