For these 2 days I've been feeling a sense of unease at the back of my mind, and I know it exists because I haven't been able to sleep 9 hours straight at night as I always do! I've been waking up only after about 7 or 8 hours, feeling this sense of urgency to do something, although I wasn't sure what. Then after a while I would have the sense to check the clock and realize that it's only 7 am or 8 am, and so I'd go back to sleep, but still with a niggling unease at the back of my mind.
It's the back to school syndrome!
Last night after cca I suddenly appreciated that school was really starting soon and what it really meant. Looking back on semester 1 I think it felt like crashing through a mega-wave-- I just went through something quite shocking but while it happened I didn't realize the full magnitude of what I was doing. And now looking at semester 2 I'm suddenly aware of a huger wave looming over me, and I'm about to crash headlong into it.
O:
Went to sleep with a greater sense of unease last night. Then woke up at 8 am feeling that mysterious sense of urgency. Went back to sleep with a stupid smile on my face when I realized it was only 8. Had intermittent sleep till 10.30am. (I only slept at 1.30 am okay!)
Woke up feeling refreshed but the sense of unease descended on me after a while.
But after thinking about it for a while I think the way around this phantom unease is to deal with it like I did in semester 1-- blissful ignorance. Stop thinking about larger things like, school in the context of GPA, and just give it my all everyday. In semester 1 I surfed into the unknown without knowing the size of the wave that was going to hit me, and I think the unknown can be scarier than even the hugest wave. So... nothing to be scared about, it's just business as usual, marsha.
(Actually in semester 1 I surfed into the unknown expecting tiny waves and ripples only. But that also proves another thing-- worrying about huge waves does no good at all, the only thing that matters is that I surf through the wave, i.e. worrying about my studies in sem2 doesn't matter at all, what matters is only that I work hard in sem 2)