I was humming Prettiest Friend by Jason Mraz and it suddenly became You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift. O wells.

I'm happy that I'm in ny! :)

Although happy is definitely not in the present moment, because I'm still feeling horribly bored. When you read this, tell me if you've ever felt so bored before.

Bored with things to do, how about that.

Is that the only thing you all can say to me, study?

This might be less stressful if I were the elder sibling. Seriously. BLAH.

I'm starting to feel that there's something extra there with me whenever I sit down. It's called my tummy. D: I'm putting on weight! It's like how garfield lay down and thought that there was somebody in there with him, who/which turned out to be his tummy. Eek.

Teachers' Day concert today was as usual awesome and really funny! Even though I've seen my teachers dance before I still can't get used to the fact that they do, and I think other people felt that way too, everyone was screaming in shock/excitement! hahah!
And Barbarella was absolutely funny! <3

But right now it's like the feeling after you get a high-- boredom and something like not knowing what to do next. Hmm.

Speaking of CmPS, I think school creates much of the generation gap. Because you spend most of your childhood and adolescence and school, so school actually forms a major part of your character and personality. And your parents don't attend school with you, so they can't experience what you've learnt from both your teachers and (of course) your (crazy) friends. And the schooling systems between one generation and another is also very different; see John Holt's essay and you'll know that your parents probably attended a school which was heavy on discipline, and on memory and technical work. But schools now are not like that.

So children and their parents have different ways of thinking and different approaches to family life. And sometimes it gets so bad that children and their parents speak on totally different wavelengths and that's how you get the extreme cases where parents don't talk much to their children and vice versa.

That's why children stick to their parents more when they are younger but drift apart from their parents as they get older, or as they spend more time with their friends.

Am I making sense or is it just that older children just want more time to be independent and all that? Or maybe it's both.

Of course in most cases, parents and children are reasonably close to each other. But you rarely see a parent and a child who are really close to each other right, like BFFs? o_o
But I just remembered a part in the Last Lecture, where the narrator (Randy Pausch) gets (really accurate) love advice from his parents. I guess a parent-child relationship on the best-friends-level would be quite unthinkable, but a relationship on the advisor-and-student level would be what all of us are going through now. Which is good.

Which is a sensible conclusion!

I'm going to copy parts of that and put it into OneXYGENeration's facebook group. Please join! http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=125600147330&mid=1007aa0G23bf2f41G26c8159G6 There you go.

By the way, Jason Mraz is an awesome singer! I'm glad to be a fan of his. :)
And Taylor Swift isn't that odd after all. I thought she was kind of weird singing love songs all day(and I also thought Teardrops on My Guitar's MV was really odd), but now I think that her MVs are actually funny and her voice is good. :) Cheers to all singers out there! I'll always like music with vocals (i mean music with a voice. is that what you call it?) because I know that it's near impossible for me to have a singer's voice. Yay!

I think I'll miss NY more than I miss NYPS when I graduate next year. But that's not the point. I'll miss ny when I graduate next year! Because concerts are always a blast and the teachers are always very sporting! :D And I'll miss the friendly all-girl atmosphere too. Heheh. I don't know how to describe it. I'll probably describe this feeling better next year. Because right now it's this feeling coupled with feelings for work.

Eech. Okay. Bye bye!

I'm gonna listen to Abracadabra D: Please note that I only like the song! D:

I can't blog! The song kills my brain!

(wait.)

ARGH the video is incredibly disturbing!

(Are korean boybands inclined to act gay while girlbands inclined to act lesbian or something? o_o)

If these bands were singaporean bands I think the forum would be flooding with letters arguing whether these videos were bad for children, or would show a negative image of our country. Not a veiled criticism or anything, just a culture thing. Because I can't really see our olders (not elders) appreciating/accepting this kind of pop music. And we, some of us, would probably also find it weird (like me!) .

But I can't imagine how our local music culture will be like. Because a) I don't really listen to local music, oops and b) it's not really mature yet, right? Maybe we are more of the mellow type, like electrico (which is like coldplay! yay!) and dick lee who pens nice-feeling songs. (And weird bubblegum pop people like By2.)

My mood this week was not so good at the beginning and then good at the end! Weird. I can't figure out why. Don't mistake me for an emo kid!

But I guess contentedness/happiness is just an attitude away. Which is quite hard to achieve. Oh wells. Enough of these murky mood moments.

Wahahah. I think my mum and brother have been telling me things like "Why aren't you studying now!" and "Have you started revising?" and "You better study hard eh" everyday! (save for one or two rare days.)

Not complaining, because these jolting comments are good reminders...

THAT I SHOULDN'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME HERE! ARGH.

Do we all lead single-tracked lives filled with school and nothing else much?

D:

Pardon this but I'm relaly feeling rather drained/numb/bored. And I'm trying to study Physics.

I mean, besides school, do we all have something else to stimulate our minds with? For me, well, there's nothing else much but surfing the net for random bits of information and listening to music. And reading books.

I hope I don't sound like a nerd who's stuck either at home or in school all day.

Hai.

Actually, that's what I am.

I should really go out somewhere to find someplace/something else to occupy my mind eh.

Rather than filling out precious seconds writing such a ___ post.

On second thought, all my posts have mostly been about school.

-.-

Speaking of school, is it possible to take both KI and GP in JC? I doubt it. But they are rather different subjects right? So why do they give us an either/or option.

-------------------------------

Minutes later:

Never mind, I think I've got the ansewr to my first question. The answer is to provide for your own entertainment and not wait for it to fall into your lap.

o_o...

Okay @pling's overseas scholarship convo:

that was kind of entertaining and I want to disagree because. Because for some subjects overseas education is definitely better.

And it's nice and weird at the same time to have that kind of conversation. Will we think like that in future? After jc? o_o

Hmm. I think that the blog of a teenager is generally either amusing or weird to stomach.

At least that's what I think of myself. But I think I'm more weird to stomach than amusing. Because I usually cannot place the finger on what exactly I'm feeling or thinking.

Anyway, a blog is not worth a day's recount unelss the day was especially special or exciting. But mine would be just your average school day, except that today was a little happier than yesterday, and tadah!

Comparing my schedule to my brother's, as well as reading both our blogs, I have come to realize that life's actually quite a breeze where I am. I probably should stop feeling bored/resentful/like a victim.

We get to be 16 only once!

Anyway, in hindsight, it is quite fortunate to have abundant resources around me so that I can keep learning.

(no matter how sleep-inducing the topic is.)

(but not all topics are boring, some are actually quite interesting)

Like China studies. (i.e. tier 3 culture lessons). They are actually quite interesting to know, with the minor drawback that the notes are written in extremely summarized form, so learning it is like trying to memorize a long shopping list.

Notes in paragraph form would probably be better. But no time to make notes now, test is tomorrow!

Sometimes I regret not being more fun-loving/ sticking to my guns about having fun more. This has had quite a disastrous result-- school life sometimes seems as dry as cotton. Fluffy, with not much substance.

It probably does not make a difference between a really fulfilling school life, and a life in which you walk through with your eyes closed, but it still makes a difference anyway and that's how you sustain yourself through the dreariness of homework and a 5-days-a-week-life.

Then again I think school definitely does not constitute the whole of our lives. That would be very sad indeed. Each time you get A for your test would be like, erm, having a kid or setting up a new company. Also, feeling bored in a lesson would be like a blank stretch of depressing boredom in your life, like being retrenched.

Never mind with all the weird examples.

But I think that as good as education may become, it can never beat, say, a one-to-one talk with a person you trust enough with your future. That person can be your teacher or a friend or a family member or a whoever you pick up from a chance meeting, just as long as you trust him/her. Because I think that most of the time, school is full of stereotypes. GEP kids are smart and loud and witty. Science stream students are (erm) hardworking to the point of some being overachievers. Arts stream students party all day.

(Pardon me for the stereotypes D: anyway, they are stereotypes)

So people try to tailor the systems to these stereotypes and leave out others in the process. I mean, the differences between students of different streams are not that distinct right?

It's like being at a restaurant where they sort out the good beef and the bad beef. Then from the good beef they pick out the whole-grain-fed ones and the grass-fed-ones and whatever and treat them accordingly.

But I'm not trying to start a revolution or anything. Heheh.

I'm just trying to say that school is not the only avenue of learning (yay, John Holt!) and that we must find other ways to learn and fill ourselves up.

After all, we don't want to graduate only knowing the differences between an AC motor and a DC motor and how our stomachs digest food.

teehee!

I really wonder where my brother got his taste for books from.

Me, I just grab anything that comes along.

(although I'm not that interested in fantasy anymore. And not chick lit.)

Anyone who sat beside Jess today for LA would have wanted to laugh/curse at her. Cos she was covering her eyes and asking me what she got! And of course, after seeing what she got, it gave me enough reason to whack her on the head.

And Jess here's another virtual whack for you! :) WHACKWHACKSPLAT.

I'm glad I've got an older brother who frequently gives me advice and pep talks (the most recent one given to get me to study for EOYs) and a mum who cares for us all in rather unobvious ways. I'm also glad I've got friends whom I can share my stuff with.

Yay!

Was practically grinning from ear to ear with relief today for Chinese. But still it ain't an improvement from last time. It's the exact same mark! o_o.

And I just played patient for my brother. Heheh. Really weird. It's not nice being a patient. (actually, of course) Not nice being a doctor too.

Anyway, I think I want to study humanities in university. But currently this aspiration is rather unstable because

1) My IH marks are not what you call good

2) I'm in triple science stream

But I guess number 2 isn't much of a problem as long as I do well in humanities (projects/extra stuff) in JC. I'm most likely not going to sign up for Humanities Programme, because looking back at my secondary school record, there's not much reason for the Hwa Chong Humanities Dept to accept me as a HP student.

So I'll have to depend on a hybrid subject combination and work hard and do a humanities tertiary education!

But firstly, we'll have to look at what's looming ahead.

And of course, all this thinking I've done above was done with the help of my brother.

I have a lot of books I wanna read.

A LOT!

Am now at Claire's house and slacking!
Finished vectors. :)

Okay!

Although I think that my previous posts have certainly been rather emo, but I still feel a twinge of anger when I think of said thing in previous post, that makes me curse aloud. (teehee!)

But now I think that although people may have tons of flawed ways of thinking that they try to impose on you, what matters most is your own judgment, which you would do well to trust. After all, no one else knows you better than you do.

Still, said thing in previous post cannot be the only thing with which I judge people. People do many other things that define who they are.

Away with this vague rubbish.

I'm currently slacking-- blogging and doing facebook quizzes. And listening to a dbsk song (O:)

After thinking through today's speeches, I think I really do appreciate my teachers, even though I'm not personally close to any of them. But they are nice and quite a joy to see in school. (Well, except maybe for one or two, but that's just the minority, right?)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

i'd really love a school where people weren't so obsessed over marks, so worried about their futures and so anxious to compete well.

D:

We all lead a saaaaad, saaaaaaaad life.

If my words just extinguished your spirit, sorry, because this is a bout of depression that I have to blog about.

Brother: Isn't it a bit too early, at 16 years old, to worry about university stuff?

Me: But it's only 3 years away.

Brother: You've got a point. Hmm... (pause) Yah life is very sad lah.

[Person in question is not me. But don't you agree.]

And what I find the most demoralising is when someone constantly reminds you of his/her expectations of you. But at the same time he/she doesn't seem to be able to muster the courage to believe in you.

Imagine that. Sad right?

If you'd really like me to do well, please stop bugging me and please do not say that you picture me crying at the end of the year because I couldn't get to JC. Please.

Voice of optimism:

Well, what's said is said, but what's most important is you believe in yourself and you know what you are doing!

D:

Note to self:

Be as optimistic and driven as I was for Sec 3 EOYs.

Now I will erase the damage that I did in the previous post.

No use for my future if I go on ranting.
Maybe I should keep my rebellion aside for now, and focus on studying.

IF NOT I HAVE AN EXTRA YEAR OF SCHOOLING! D: *horror*

SO, I must STUDY HARD!

START NOW! NEVER TOO EARLY TO START! STUDY A FEW ROUNDS!

Voice of sanity:

Some parts of studying are actually fun. While others are boring, the interesting parts kind of make up for it.

Studying should be my short term goal for now so that I can graduate with an easy heart. (and so my mum can breathe a sigh of relief).

Because I know I'll never sleep in peace if my marks are below (my) expectations.

Like how I haven't truly gotten over the fact that my Chinese marks are so dismal.

(Actually, why? My Chinese was kind of brilliant in Sec 1. Then it plummeted.)

(Maybe it's because I haven't read Chinese books for so long.)

Some things are better left unsaid.

:)

School is bad for children

Cheers to Mr John Holt. :)

I'm going to write some of my thoughts down after reading (half of) the passage, because the moment I read the first sentence, a huge 'yes' went resonating throughout me and it got me interested to continue reading it.

School really stifled learning as it truly should have been. Learning is fun. Learning is meaningful. Learning is interesting. But learning's not learning when I didn't even feel the need for learning it. You don't forcefeed someone milk when he's not hungry. You don't talk to someone who really needs a break.

But I'm not saying I don't want to learn. I do. But I think the way the school system is structured has made it almost impossible for people to raise their objections -- Hey, I don't think I want to learn this now! I felt a desire to learn in primary school because I wondered about many natural laws that govern our everyday lives. For example, why do I lean to the right when the car turns left? Or how does food cook? But now, some of the things we learn in school are things which really don't trigger any interest in us at all. So learning's not fun, meaningful and interesting now, because we don't get a choice.

I just feel that school should be less structured, and more focused on choice. Without free choice, people wouldn't be happy. Right?

(like, well, huimay wouldn't be happy if she had been forced to go up to the maths class upstairs).

Hard to put words into action, but I'll do it!

now.

Am really amused by the Pirate language on Facebook. To change it, go to settings and look for English (Pirate), under the languages tab. Got me staring at ye olde facebook's home port for quite a long while.

Anyway, today was a rather uneventful and depressing day, in the sense that most teenagers identify with.

Because I got back my Chinese marks. D: And I think I'll just blabber my marks here-- I got 58/100, which breaks down into 37/70 for zuowen, 16/20 for shiyongwen and 62.5/110 for compre. Ack. Although I might get a mark raise for zuowen, I'm not sure. 58/100 is a C5! Although looking at the marks alone, 58 and 65 do not make a large difference. But they do when they are a full 2 grades apart! D:

As my mum says, I better pull my socks up to knee length/or even higher if I want to pass my O levels. Are there actually socks that go higher than your knee? Whatever.

So I spent most of the afternoon sulking over my marks, until at about 5 plus after my bath. Because bath times are cheer up times!

That sounds rather weird, but I'm sure you'd agree if I say that bath times help to clear your mind and chase the evils away. It seems lousy to be spending a day brooding over mere marks. (MERE marks?!) Rather the time could be better spent, like posting on one's blog (o_o) or well, doing revision!

I'll be doing revision later. After dinner!

What I shall do:

Exercises from Chinese O level book

Some Sec 3 topic revision (if there's still time. hopefully there is)

Then I'll read.

When you're brooding over something, everything else seems doubly bad, and they all come at you to make you even more depressed. But after that you realize that actually, you were the one who placed all these expectations on yourself, and that you would be better off without them to worry your mind. Better off to do other more constructive things.

Hinthint* to self.

Sometimes school just seems like an endless list of things to do. I think I'm really looking forward to the end of year programmes now. :)

Although school seems like an endless road to hell, but it makes me glad to know there are people along the way who will give me really encouraging feedback, and also less pleasant but constructive advice. It also makes me happier that, in the end, the road doesn't actually lead to hell, but leads to (erm) well, good, solid, fragrant, earth!

Frankly I don't understand what I just wrote, seriously. I just mean that although school life is so blah, it will end in something good.

Majulah marshy.

Okay, I am feeling quite happy.

Firstly I have discussed with a group of friends the possiblity of starting a new project (yay!) and discussing a new project always sounds good, it always makes you feel excited.

I've also looked at other sabbatical outlines, and journalism sounds good, although I want to gather more information on that. (Hopefully I've got a reliable source) Work experience sounds good too, there's work at a hotel and at other interesting sounding organisations. :D

On a more serious note I think I need to get my head back on my shoulders and get down to work. D: EOYs sure sound (erm.) challenging. If I really have gotten my head back on my shoulders then I wouldn't be blogging about this actually.

Never mind.

I'd really like to do something useful for end of this year. Because after it's quite a landmark year, and I want to end it well! And also it's a holiday where we won't get a shred of homework so I'll be really free and I don't think I'd like to spend it lazing around. So will choose something meaningful! :)

Okay, back to screw my mind on more tightly.

I want to read these books!

This is an extension of my Goodreads account. Because the to-read list there is too long to really give significance to these books:

1) Gathering Blue by Lois Lowry (or another book by him would be okay too.)

In fact I think I've got a newfound interest in utopia/dystopia/"weird world" kind of books.

Actually it's a series. 1st book: The Giver; 2nd book: Gathering Blue and 3rd book: Messenger

So a note to myself: Go here!

http://www.goodreads.com/list/show/47.Best_utopia_dystopia_and_other_world_fiction

Yay I like Goodreads. It's a good place for people who don't know what kind of books they'd like to read.

2) Lord of the Flies by William Golding

I heard this book was really scary. (?)

3) And on a side note, The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkien!

I wanna go to the library nowwww! Shall visit library tomorrow. :D

Okay.

Another post coming up later!

I'm going to watch Singapore Idol now!

I have a feeling now that I had quite a bit of things to say but now I can't remember them. Probably because I'm watching TV and juggling my homework at the same time :D

Oh wells.

Shall not go into wallowing mode.

Look sharp, look bright, appreciate being! :D

o_O.

Hmm. I've been really free these days and it's a good thing and a bad thing. Good because I have more control of my time and I can spend time slacking/doing other stuff that I like. Bad because sometimes I don't really know what to do. I guess I'll just follow my instincts and do whatever comes to mind.

Like reading. I always feel this obligation to read books that are, you know, academically enriching. But that's hard to judge when you come across books which you don't know. Or it will be really boring reading old classics with olde english. I'd like to read Wuthering Heights in modern english though. Doubt our library has that. I couldn't get past the first few pages of wuthering heights last time.

Okay a distraction arrived in the form of pam, and I'm watching nigahiga videos now.

Okay ended with me watching a rather stupid video halfway. not funny!

Anyway I do not feel inclinded to stress myself over anything right now.

Man, I feel a sense of unfulfilment somewhere inside.

So, I have not revived piano.
I think my relationship with piano requires some sort of burst of inspiration. The type of feeling where I feel like I really want to play a song, like last time when I decided I would play some of LOTR songs on the piano. :D
So, that inspiration has not come. After all, piano is a creative hobby, and all creativity requires inspiration. :)

By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE! :D

I hate it when people do not trust my instincts and doubt whether I can keep my promises. Then again I don't always keep them, because I didn't regard them as promises. I hate it when I'm treated like a child who doesn't know what's good for herself.
OH PLEASE.

Never mind. Whiny issues aside.

I feel that school (yes, school, not life) is still very boring, but I must find ways by myself to make it interesting for me.
For example, reading! But I can't keep reading or my brain will automatically go into dreamy mode. For example, blogging! For example, I don't know, but inspirational slacking! (slacking which came purely out of inspiration)

I must learn to not treat my friends as just another part of dull school, but as a part of my life I should appreciate. :)
After all, it is they who spiced up my school years.


I enjoy spending time with extended relatives (including aunts and uncles), because they remind me that my life isn't all that mono-tracked and awfully boring. Although most of the relatives (whom I actually talk to/exchange a few words with) are older than I am, it is not boring. In fact some relatives of my generation are actually spoilt to the point of being a complete sore in the eye, and some are silent geeks who tap on the playstation the whole evening, and the rest are, well, complete strangers who are too shy/don't bother to talk to anyone. So I mainly talk to my elders. :) and pick up some gossip in hokkien :) (okay, it is quite mindless to call it gossip when it was actually a heartfelt confidence. oops sorry)

Okay, gtg, to try to fulfil my promise. promise? promise.

And it's getting quite late, I promised my mum I'd sleep early, but I must say this :D

I took this online quiz thingy that day, and it says I share the same personality results as:

Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes
Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson
Lord of the Rings writer J.R.R. Tolkien
(and also William Shakespeare, apparently)

YAY! :D

Goodnight.

Okay, after more than an hour at this html thing, I've finally overcome blogger! :D
And this has made me feel so accomplished that I kind of forgot what made me so upset/contemplative. zzz.

But the main gist is that, well, school really doesn't hold anymore motivation for me. I actually felt a desire to go to school in about secondary 1 and 2, and 3. But not now, exactly. What got me so miserable was how all I could see in my life right now was just homework, revision, more tests, more exams. Very depressing thought. So much so that it just quashed the sense of accomplishment in me.
I thought that since I was so bored, why not take up something interesting? Interesting, not as in going for outings after school, because those are just one-off things. But maybe something more consistent like learning a musical instrument. Like playing the guitar. That would actually be quite cool.
That's just one part of me.
The other part wonders if this is just another spark of interest that might die off soon.
Then again I don't get many sparks.

I've read a few biographies, famous ones, like Tuesdays with Morrie (more of a personal recount) and I'm currently reading The Last Lecture. And all these people seem to have lead very fulfilling lives, that do not get stuck at a certain place.
Maybe it's just because I'm still a student. That's all. And I have to wait until I graduate (from this one), before I make more exciting changes to this routine.
Read Pling's post on how she doesn't like a routine life, and how she'd prefer one where there's lots of things going on and she can rush from place to place.
I think one of the reasons why I think like that now is because I chose the wrong subject combination back in Secondary 2. (?) Triple science is engaging at times, but it gets really boring after a while, so much so that it dulls my senses and numbs my brains. I think A Lit would have been a much better choice. At least I'd have got to learn about Macbeth and A Midsummer Night's Dream. I really think learning literature is much more practical and useful than learning about propanoic acid and split-ring commutators.

Maybe I'll request for a guitar for my next birthday :D And of course buy a self-help guitar book. :)
I really like this quote from The Last Lecture: "Brick walls are there to let you show how much you want something".
And I think Imagineering is very cool. And also how Mr Randy Pausch got to fulfill most of his childhood dreams.

Speaking of childhood dreams, I seriously can't think of any of my own. I know I watched a lot of drama serials when I was a kid (and that's where I got all my vocab from), so I visualized myself as some sort of power-career-woman when I grow up.
However this is definitely NOT the case now. Lol.
And I get all my career inspirations from external sources, like my brother and (sounds funny but) online quizzes. They say I'm creatively and musically inclined. I hope that's true.
(cos I can't really tell now, can I, not when I'm taking a pure science combination)(and also because i stopped piano... 8|)

Shall revive piano.

Hello, my new blog.
I've been changing blogs for many times already, and this was either because I got tired of the blog url, or because I wanted a fresh new start on a blog.
Probably not enough time for me to post now, because a lot of things are running through my mind.
I usually start a new blog when I'm --let's see-- upset and contemplative. Fine mixture of both.