Today my friends who were more acquainted with physics told me that the bridge-shaking phenomenon we experienced during Sambatida is called 'resonant vibration'. And it is said that there was once an army which marched across a bridge, and it collapsed, because the soldiers were marching to the same beat and the bridge shook so much that it collapsed.
So it is common for armies to stagger their marching so that resonant vibration doesn't occur and the bridge doesn't collapse.
:O So if our band had been bigger, and if we had STOMPED our way through the song...
:OOOOO
Slightly creeped out.
But it's a damn cool thing to say imo. Haha.

Watched Hell's Kitchen that day with my bro. It's not very entertaining though... the only entertainment is Gordon Ramsay throwing fits of rage and swearing. There was once he called a guy 'dickface!' and the guy retorted 'okay sir, but I'm not dickface!' Ramsay immediately gave him a scolding right to his face (yes, like 1 cm away from his face) and shouted 'Don't get all sensitive with me!'
Hmm. Decided that I have really been very sensitive. So I'll reduce those purposeless, senseless tirades. Realized that the best thing to do is to just move forward with no hesitation at all.
And it's strange how I've learnt something from a vulgar chef.

So Sambatida III was really really fun! Happiest I've been in a while. Other times I'm just relaxed/bored/meh. Foolishly fantasized about having another samba tour, preferably the following weekend, to cure the nostalgia that set in while I was on the way home. But I guess having it only once a year makes it all the more special and worth remembering. :)

It's really nice to perform. It's like I'm transported to this special zone where there's just the rhythms and a whole bunch of people in my cca with me side-stepping and smiling and making faces at the crowd, and cheering. And the occasional glimpse of someone in the crowd smiling or nodding with the beat. 

Performance and post-performance feelings: It's comparable to how I feel when the inner kid in me looks up and realizes that she is surrounded by adults. (Or kids pretending to be adults?) Because kids are really absorbed in their own world, right? They don't notice their surroundings. But adults are painfully aware of their surroundings. 

So yes, after the performance I regained my sight of my surroundings. Painfully. And realized that I just had a really kick-ass time at Sambatida III, and nothing else can ever compare to it. 

whee!

Hold up, hold on. Don't be scared; you'll never change what's been and gone. (Oasis' Stop Crying Your Heart Out)

Felt a huge emotional tiredness in me today, so huge that I considered what it would be like to just sleep in school tonight. Turns out that when I reached home, I wasn't tired at all, and I'm not tired now either. The strain has lifted. I guess I really missed home, and my mummy, and home. Yes. :3

Today I realized that I have acquired a rather tactless tongue and that actually people are as sensitive as I am, or maybe even more. 

Just spotted a few more averted glances, slumped shoulders and sulky mouths today. 

I'm not really tactless, honestly, just teasing. And none of them were my doing, except the averted glance, but I think the person's just more sensitive than usual.

Some dude was sitting slumped on the floor hugging his drum and somebody decided to ruffle his hair to ... encourage him. And then some girl was sitting alone looking rather forlorn when my friend decided to sit next to her and chat with her. Naww. The whole loud-mouthed, constantly-on-a-high image that I thought we had-- not 100% representative. This loud side of us probably only manifests during performances and bursts of happiness during rehearsals.

I guess a few others are really empathetic. I don't think I have much empathy. I did, I guess, when I was younger, but it's lost now. 

It's a bit scary, when you think about how there are 50+ people drumming together and all of us have different moods and thoughts. But we all move together and play the same song. And then we go back home to our own thoughts and lives. I guess it's what my friend meant by one big cca but not really feeling close. Don't get me wrong, we do have close friends/cliques in there. And so do others. But we just aren't the sort that masses gravitate towards.

Kinda nervous about Sunday. :O Supposed to be acting cool, so maybe I'll wear shades, and the shades can give me some anonymity and I can try shaking my ass more. :D

Honestly I wish this summer wouldn't pass and I could just go for cca. Only. And then I'll graduate with a drumming degree. Whee. 

Haunting lyrics... 

'Cos all of the stars have faded away

Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday

Take what you need, and be on your way 

And stop crying your heart out.

Alright now I'm in the mood for some supper and chatting with friends/acquaintances but... where have the people gone? My mood really does fluctuate. Okay time to sleep.

Some very golden advice. http://m.wikihow.com/Wake-Up-On-Time 
Late for something today and had to cab. D:

Playing with my phone now after bathing and it feels warm... I HOPE IT'S SAFE.
Anyway.
人本性是贱的。 要生气才知道什么是快乐，要有可恶的人才懂得珍惜朋友家人，要累才知道什么是精神。
'Cos I felt pissed today at... A few things and people. They need more tact. Felt under-appreciated. Concluded that I am getting pissed off by almost everyone these days. It was this hard knot inside my chest. And probably a cold look in my eyes.
Then went for cake with friends. At first the knot stayed. But after about 1 hour of chatting we started reminiscing about things and I felt the knot dissolve...
And felt much lighter. Realized that my favourite class is still my sec sch class no matter how emo i was then.
Then went for samba slightly reluctantly COS so many practices this week. But it was fun, as it usually turns out to be. Felt like I was floating by the end.
:D
And so I shall sleep.

Sighs... Just watched Before Sunrise and its sequel, Before Sunset. They are movies, by the way. Sounds cheesy? Yeah, kinda, but I like them very much. My heart's sort of dissolving into molecules now. It's not the typical happily-ever-after plot. It's more bittersweet. Both movies are basically just documenting a conversation between a couple, but it's amazing how it can make me think so much. I also went to read the plot outline for Before Midnight.
:3
My thoughts summarized:
1. Love is sweet; love is selfish, even though many people think love is unselfish. (as opined by the male lead)
2. Divorce is even more selfish, but after watching the movies I understand why so many people are getting divorced nowadays
(so hmm, are people getting more selfish? Are we more selfish than our grandparents were? 'Cos we live more for ourselves than for our kids?)
3. The kid suffers, naturally
And the kid grows up with a wrecked mind because he knows his parents don't love each other. :(

Okay I think I should look at fluffier things.

Seems like an apt song for the moment:


And it seems like when people have more freedom, they feel more insecure about the decisions they make. Here in a more developed society, many people have the choice to take up a comfortable white-collar job with a comfortable paycheck. They have the freedom to choose. It takes courage and the ability to go through lots of insecurity to take a step out of this job circle and venture into a less 'reliable' one like music or art.

In less developed countries, where people are dirt-poor or fall below the middle-class range, they don't have the freedom to choose. They just use whatever skills they have and try to make money out of it. And it's a make or break thing cos they can only rely on that specific skill to survive.

Suddenly remembered what my instructor said: 'When you go full time, you have no choice but to be great'. When you have a choice not to go full-time with your artsy job, you might not give it your all, because you can always scuttle back to your comfy job in the air-conditioned office. Or you might choose to straddle both jobs, in which case you probably can't give it your all as well. You'll probably give it your all, though... if you discover you really hate that office job.

Same thing with relationships. We have more freedom now to choose which spouse we want, because we are not bound by religion or the pressure of social stigma to stay together. Hence we feel so insecure about marriage and people keep divorcing.

I guess people grow older but they can't seem to grow up.

Beep. Just bored. That's why all the yakking.

Hmm came here with a vague topic in mind but got distracted, and I realize that I actually don't have anything to blog about. Which is a good thing! No emo-ness. :D

Invited all my fb friends to the performance on sunday in a rush of excitement. A friend made me realize that, hey, I actually invited my sec school teachers and long-lost classmates and vague acquaintances as well. Cringed at the thought of meeting them. Hey, I don't mean to offend, but it would be like crossing some kind of time-honoured geographical boundary we've had for a while. If I do see them I'll put my game face on anyway and greet them. Hahaha. But common sense tells me they'll continue to keep to that geographical boundary and I won't see them. It's only human nature to keep to some boundaries.

Realized that I'm not the only one with commitment issues for cca. My friends and I admitted to each other that we thought of quitting at some point, and that it really has an intensive schedule. But something has kept us here... and I think it's the hope of maybe going to brazil. And the stress-relief.

Can't really explain some choices I make, and when I can't, I think it's good to say 'Aiyah, YOLO.' Picked it up from some person in my cip who kept saying YOLOOOO~~ (stands for 'you only live once'). I wonder what my uni life would be like if I hadn't joined samba. Maybe I'd have signed up for more law subcomm stuff (e.g. grad night, camp, etc) out of sheer boredom.

Oh yes, I had a 2-day camp over the weekend. I think I'm not 100% faci material. Maybe 80%. This 80% is enthusiastic enough to encourage freshies to cheer and make some noise myself, and helpful enough to take care of their welfare (drinks, holding doors open, holding barang-barang). The other 20% just flips and gets impatient when they don't cheer and just look sian... Was slightly depressed at how quiet/slow they were. But on the bright side, 'htht' (heart to heart talk) was quite entertaining. Caught sight of eye candy. Heheh. BUT before you ask me for more details, stop and ask yourself what eye candy really means. It just means somebody who looks good. Doesn't go any further. So no point bringing it up during discussions.

'Cos it's scary when you think what could go wrong in relationships. I've come across many divorces, and most of the time it's the lady who is seeking aid in clearing up all the divorce/alimony/maintenance/child-custody shit. The guy is usually the one who disappears. On the surface these ladies are calmly settling all the crap, but beneath that surface... I can only try to imagine what sort of wreckage has happened there. Quite a one-sided view though; I know there are wounded guys out there too. But I'm a girl, so I speak for myself. So, the point is, looks and first/second/third impressions don't matter... The only thing that matters is how much you know about the other person's character. And how do you get to truly know somebody? You need lots of time. So... doesn't look like any time soon.

Also I'm getting worried that I'm not spending enough time with family. Ideally it would be every evening... but this week I will be out for 6 out of 7 evenings. :O Oh well, as time passes, I will. spend. more. time. at home. with. family. :/ See what I mean by commitment issues with cca? (Although it's really fun to groove to the rhythms we play.)

And tadah apparently I'm not alone in my thoughts. There Is More To Life | Thought Catalog
"There is more to life than this very moment that we are experiencing. Though we are in it and though we relish in it, it does not define our lives. It does not define our capabilities, our hopes, our dreams, and our future. We can dare to look at out lives in a bigger way – a way that we see all of our accomplishments and failures."

Borrowed 2 books from library. One is The Reluctant Fundamentalist and the other is Keeper of Dreams (by Orson Card). Borrowed them 'cos they were featured in the newspaper under a section for 'books adapted into movies'. Reluctant Fundamentalist is good, so far.

Hmm well... Conclusion: Summer's satisfying.

Cos dreams come slow and they go so fast
Maybe the best thing to do for now is to have a firmer grasp on reality.

cip camp tomorrow, and all I can think of is... I feel like a prisoner. 'Cos there doesn't seem to be enough time for me to do what I want (i.e. nua-ing at home and having family time, which is going to be really scarce when school starts).
And the next thing I think of is the Les Miserables song, sung by the prisoners:
Look down! Look down! 
Don't look 'em in the eye!
Look down! Look down!
You're here until you die!

Shit I feel kinda trapped now. Metaphorically.

Still, on the bright side, there's the song at the finale:
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
:
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!
It just... gives me an idea to cling onto... the idea that I make my own choices. We follow rules, but some rules can be broken, while for others it's better to follow them first. There is nobody we should follow mindlessly. There is no set of rules that we must adhere to fully. Life's a game of chess... and there are countless combinations we can form.

Felt so distant from my cca people today. Idk why. Just my mood I suppose.

Okay I'll stop all this rambling and get down to packing for my camp.

There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!

A few of my school mates are taking part in some prestigious debate competition. Here I am forking out time for my cca, and there they are, doing piles of legal research over a random moot question the judges threw out. During summer hols. Felt quite unsettled... like, am I doing enough law stuff? Or am I... actually disliking it? Not really... there were some modules that I liked.

Anyway I guess... to each his/her own. I survive my own way. Who's to say which way is the better way.

Also... realized that much of my energies can be spent opening my mouth and giving suggestions to whoever's-in-charge, instead of sitting and whining in a corner.

Poof.

Honestly uni life has broadened my range of emotions quite significantly.
And I feel like... 身在福中不知福. 'Cos I really live in an amazing world. At least it is amazing where I am. How many can say the same? Look at this girl. She's younger than I am and already such an inspiration.

What up... another angsty post

I keep remembering what the instructor said about Singaporeans... He said, Singaporeans love to have things all laid out correctly for them. For example: Taking bus? Okay, go to that bus stop, take bus numbers x, y, z, don't forget to tap your card, okay, then get off x stops later, don't forget to tap your card again!

There's truth in what he said. I just wish that sometimes we weren't so uptight about everything. It makes people clam up, it makes people nervous. It traps people in a narrow alley that stinks of your shit. You can only walk from here to there. You can only do this. If you stray out, oh you'll get hell from me. Wait for it. Why? 'Cos there are rules. 'Cos you're stupid if you don't do it accordingly. 

Life could be so much more if you just... tiptoed and looked past the wall that you're getting encircled by. This is one side of some people that I simply detest. I don't really care if you encircle yourself. But don't extend the wall to other people's own space. Don't impose your rules on others. 

I know I'm learning to be less of a whining bitch... But this one, I hope it's a little less narrow-minded than my previous bitching posts. Previously... I think I really could do with a bit more generosity and magnanimity. 

And the more I bitch, the more detached I feel from people/the rest of the world. I don't want that. But it's okay if there are people I can identify with. 

Okay so. Went for CIP today. People were warning us about rebellious kids, but hey, I think they were very well-behaved. I think it was just them exaggerating. They need to relax a bit. I liked the kids.

Then went for dinner with girl-section-mates. It was nice; ate at soup spoon which had good soup. But felt a bit detached cos we were rushing a bit to make it in time for prac. Omnomnomnom.

Prac was woahhh... cathartic. Shiok. Didn't want it to end. Except that they switched off the air-con in our room so it was getting really stuffy. Just give me a shower and hey, I don't mind if you ask me to play till dawn. 

Another CIP session tomorrow. I'm giving myself 1h 45 mins to travel. Oh. My. Gosh. Siao. I don't really wanna go there next time.

Hey that angst-pouring felt good. Goodnight.

Shall try to stop being a whining bitch. People who whine less seem to enjoy life more.
Watched Despicable Me 2 that day and I laughed till I cried towards the end. :D
Started reading The Catcher in the Rye, but I find the plot quite mundane... So I'm not sure if I'll still feel like reading it tomorrow.

做人难，做好人更难。有时只想躺在床上不起来，可能是想逃避这个事实。
我看我从今以后只须顾着做人，不要再要求自己每天做好人。

There are too many people to love and spend time with. But I need to decide who needs me most, who I need the most, and who I need to get to know more. When I think of all these at once it gets mind-boggling sometimes.
I really wanted to go for a supper with samba today cos... I start to feel vaguely at home with a few of them? And... new friends. But decided that my hormones wanted me home, and also my mum deserves to see more of me at home.
I know I sound quite emo but right now I'm really just waiting for my hair to dry. So my mind is like... Boomz.

Insomnia
When the body decides for you that it has had enough sleep.
Screw.
Feeling quite exhausted though.
@@

Recent events and recent words have made me question-- why do people see guys as the stronger gender?
I don't see why.
I'm not saying that girls are more superior. I just observe that girls generally display more maturity and restraint. If I were to give an analogy, I'd say guys are like dogs, dashing madly about everywhere without a care for the consequences of their dashing about; girls are more like ... cats and songbirds. More refined. (My knowledge of the animal kingdom is kinda confined to these 3 right now. It's too early in the morning).
I guess the world doesn't feel that being mature and showing restraint equates to strength... The complexity of the world probably makes us value mindless-dashing-about more than being refined. Mindless-dashing-about takes centre stage. Those in the backstage can be refined and mature and show restraint for all they like.
Hmm I can think of instances when restraint gets in the way though. But maturity? We need more of that where it matters. Meaning, it's great to show your childish side 'cos people like me love it, but when it comes to greater decisions, maturity matters.
That said, I need to add that not all girls are mature, and not all guys are immature. There definitely are quite a few exceptions. Just a general idea.

Words of wisdom from our samba instructor that I remember every now and then. "When you go full-time you have no choice but to be great."
He said that with reference to the music industry.
I guess it applies everywhere else. It isn't easy.
But that drive. I love it. That's why I still remember these words.

I'm gonna pop some tags... Only got 20 dollars in mah pocket!!!
Current earworm.

I'm here 'cos I'm bored to tears. I could: read a book, or iron some clothes. Don't feel like doing either. Suits  season 3 is airing on July 16; 6.5 more days. It's not an awesome show but... it's a smart show that I find quite interesting and relevant.

Helped out for camp yesterday. Found out that one of my classes for next sem has like the whole law school's most talkative/competitive people together --> freaked out. Why? 'cos class part is gonna be a crazy/possibly-entertaining debate. Which I need to be a part of so that I can have my marks. Felt slightly depressed for a while until I scouted around and amassed a few familiar (and possibly less competitive) names who are going to be in that class with me. Great. Felt better after that. In my excitement/panic I spoke to 3 people who are going to be in that class with me--
One of them was next to me and she was freaking out too. And she was considering changing her class. >( Hope she doesn't.
One of the guys in that class was there, so I asked him, and he was like, they class part then class part luh! Neh mind! Donno if male pride at work or he's really chill. Oh well. I could do with some male pride too, to calm my senses.
And the last guy who was there started zoning out when I told him the news and didn't really react. Just 'oh okay' and a vague/bored smile. This one still in holiday mood.
Texted 2 other girls who are gonna be in that class too; one of them freaked out and considered changing class too, but decided against it later; the other said 'haha let's chill at the back together!' Hmm. She's in holiday mood too.

Went for samba after that. Entertaining, because they were thinking of choreography to do for our gig. Some guy suggested doing the dance in Thrift Shop, and he started gyrating and singing 'I've got 20 dollars in my pocket!' LOLOL. But of course no one heeded his advice, we just laughed. Some other guy started gyrating with him. LOL. Anyway speaking of our gig you can come down if you're free...hurhurh... it's free-of-charge!

When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is how it is and you've got to grow up with it. Once you realize that the world around you has been built by people no smarter than you are, you become a different person. 
(Steve Jobs)

Inspiration for tonight is Steve Jobs 'cos yesterday I watched a video with him making a ~20 second guest appearance saying what I typed above. And then SJ went on to say that we should want to make positive changes around us.
I feel quite bored with my life. Everything seems a bit too stagnant... I'm going to start breeding Aedes mosquitoes soon.
I've been sleeping a lot. About 10-11 hours a day. While I really like to sleep, it feels like each day, a bit of my brain is losing its function. :/
I kind of miss work. (Strange, I didn't really enjoy the extremely slow business when I was actually doing it.) At least it kept my brain slightly more active? Quite annoyed at my CIP 'cos they told us to sign up for slots on different days. So I signed up for all, which left me no space for work, so I told the boss I can't work in July (which pissed him off). And now the CIP tells us that 'hey, there are too many people, we'll try to make sure you go for at least one slot. We'll tell you one week before whether you're going or not.' What? Responsible planning much.
Anyway if I were to re-evaluate my life I don't think CIP or work would feature very high on my to-do list. So, meh.
I'm glad I'm still in my CCA. So, CCA features in the #1 category in my to-do list. Sometimes I look back on the times I had some sian thoughts about it, and I see that I've changed a bit. A bit. Other things in my #1 category would be studying. Of course.
I don't know what I'm doing these days that is meaningful. Besides CCA. And family time. What could I do?
And over here my brain finds that it can't respond.
I guess reading would be good.
The Voice UK has ended its 2nd season, Suits hasn't started, and I'm not as obsessed with Pentatonix as I was last week (I still really like them though).
Okay I still have my books.
Also I re-discovered that I have iTunes U on my phone so I downloaded some stuff to read. SJ's quote came from something I downloaded from there.

A lot of people think that they'll study hard, get a decent job, and then save some money and start a family. That's a really constrained life. Life could be so much more. 
- SJ (again)
Yeah I'm gonna have fun after I graduate from university (and during university too).
I need to ... do some research about how to have fun. It's time to poke my head out of the bubble.

Get real

Get real luh. Anger makes you blind to everything else. Makes you a short-sighted frog in a well.
Anyway listening to Passenger's songs right now; really makes me feel more at peace with... everything.
:3 ^_^ :)
It's really crystal clear now who my friends are. Now I know better... not to treat any random person as a friend.

Not worth it

Awesome band!

Coming from almost musically barren Singapore, this is quite an achievement.
Okay maybe our music scene isn't that barren. I just haven't been searching.

And I have stopped being angry and angsty cos............
It just isn't worth it.

But my memory is still as cavernous as ever. It stores things.

I think most people think I don't get angry easily. But now I think I do. I am certainly quite petty if you compare me to other people. I just don't show it. Instead I complain to the people closest to me.

The script

Once again I find myself liking The Script... Because they inspire. I never really took notice of Hall of Fame lyrics till today, and it hit me quite hard.

You could go the distance

You could run the mile

You could walk straight through hell with a smile
...

You could be the hero

You could get the gold

Breaking all the records they thought never could be broke

Do it for your people

Do it for your pride

Never gonna know if you never even try

Basically what I think of these lyrics is... I work hard only for myself and any other cause I deem worthy. I don't work hard for anybody. For anybody, if I can't get out of work, I do only what's required. 

Of course to work hard only for myself is really... Selfish and douchey.

I feel like I've been full of angst these few days... And I don't like it. I don't like angsty people because the line between angst and self-pity/self-entitlement is really thin. I don't want to be a disgusting self-pitying person who thinks the whole world owes her.
So I'll break out of it. 

Maybe there is no point spilling out all my angst here because, let's face it, if I really loved to complain, there's lots to complain about.
Instead why don't I focus on the lovely stuff and just move on and stop puffing up with self-importance like a pufferfish. With all my thorns sticking out and making me look sulky and fierce. And with all my thorns possibly hurting others. Count your blessings.
Life's too short to lay out complaints one by one. If complaints were paper they could probably blanket the whole sky.
Learn how to sort out friends from pseudo-friends.
Family and friends are worth spending time and money on. In fact what you give them and what they give you can never be counted. It just keeps going on.
Pseudo-friends? I've learnt not to expect anything from them. But you can still act like everything is fine with them. You don't sulk at them because it reflects badly on you (people think: 'hey, why so petty?'). Also, you only sulk at people when you expect them to apologize or comfort you. But as I've said I've learnt to expect nothing from pseudo-friends.
Hmm of course some people are born nice and even if they aren't friends they treat others really well, just because they want to. These people are an exception. Or maybe I shall say that these people have higher EQ. But low EQ is not an excuse.
We don't forget. But we could close an eye, or we could ignore it. Forgive? I don't know. Forgiveness sounds too self-righteous. I'll reserve it for the more significant issues.
Most importantly we don't forget. And we also focus on what really matters.
Because how much of what we complain about is really, really important?
Don't forget what you have because of what you don't have.

I like Macklemore's songs/raps. Not too shouty. Has swag.
"Make the money don't let the money make you...Stay true~ stay true~ stay true~"

Stay real. No rose-tinted glasses.
Stay true to yourself.

^ Pissed-off ramblings. Don't judge thanks.

I've contracted Pentatonix-itis. I'm addicted to listening to them. I need to listen to them once a day.

Also I'm feeling kinda disillusioned. But with that I feel more certain about what I'm going to do in future, and I feel it with more conviction.
And there's nothing wrong with being self-righteous and sticking to one's own beliefs. There's nothing wrong with trying to impose them on other people too, if you think they should not be doing what they are doing.
But it's not easy getting through some people's thick, self-important skulls.
Have I tried enough?
Or actually the question is, why should I even try?
I don't feel like trying. All my life I've been taking care of myself, not taking care of other people.
Although I feel like even that is starting to change. It's no longer enough for me just to take care of myself.
I think I need to multiply my willpower by 10.

Angst moment... Please don't ask me what's wrong because I won't say. Because it's nothing much really. It's just part of adulthood, maybe.