Heard this on the radio a while back and thought it was not bad.
Then I realized it features Ryan Tedder! So now this is one of my favourite songs. Hahahah.



 Just a right mix of rap and his tenor voice. :D Lyrics are bit gloomy though (give me scars, give me pain?), but they could be inspiring too I guess (there goes a fighter~).

Acknowledge your dark side, and if there's a dark side, there is a bright side as well, so treasure that part of yourself. Once you do that you can acknowledge that everyone around you has a dark side and a bright side too and perhaps you'll appreciate life more. And remember to pay more attention to your bright side than your dark side.
Quoted from yours truly. I think it's a side effect of revision. I said that because we usually beat ourselves up over things we did that we, on hindsight, don't approve of. But this dark side makes us human, so we shouldn't wrap it up and stuff it in our closet. We should wear it on our sleeves, to remind ourselves, and remind others who we really are.
Gosh I'm thinking of what a certain Lord Atkin said:
Personally, I do not understand the difference between a thing dangerous in itself, as poison, and a thing not dangerous as a class, but by negligent construction dangerous as a particular thing. The latter, if anything, seems the more dangerous of the two; it is a wolf in sheep's clothing rather than an obvious wolf." 
Yup, let's not be dangerous by negligent construction of our own characters, let's be obvious wolves.
o________o
There, a song to go with what I said.


I have about 4 youtube tabs open when I'm studying....

Some relationships are like soda.
Their flavour explodes in your mouth
But fizzle out after a second or two.
Others are like wine.
They get more pungent
(and more valuable) with age.
It doesn't matter what sort of drink you take
As long as you like drinking.
But we all have a preference for wine, don't we?

Enjoying the simple joys in life in my room after a contract law exam:
1) searching for covers of pop music done in cello
2) reading my brother's blog
3) mum playing ipad games on the sofa

the cello is such a lovely instrument
can i marry a cello

My 2nd paper is over. Strangely but nicely I've felt quite at peace with myself after both of the papers I've had so far, with only minor grouses. I really hope they turn out to be minor things. But that's how it is with essay papers-- you always feel like you wrote okay stuff, but whether they are okay or not will just be up to the prof. It's not like math or science with only 1 answer. And another thing-- I've stopped discussing papers with friends. But there's nothing much to discuss anyway because they are essays.

After my exam I went to print the Penal Code which is really thick. Spent 12 bucks on it, and then realized that I'll be chucking it aside once my criminal law exam is over next week. -.- 

Went for lunch with a group of friends, which was quite a nice break amid all the mugging. 

Staying in school now with a chewy (hahaaa) because I feel like I've been home too much-- need to get some exposure to some sunlight. But there is not much sunlight here! 

Urgh.

Been playing onerepublic songs on youtube all the time. :) Looking forward to their next album in early 2013.

Have you ever felt a bit odd about yourself after you've said something? E.g. after saying something without giving any thought to it, you realize something about yourself, subconsciously. Anyway today I said that I won't get to know all the people in law school even after 4 years because I'll just bid for modules with friends. (if we can manage the time and the e-dollars, and if there are friends who want to do that.)

Hmm anyway what I realized is, I'm quite an anti-social person. 

Sigh why am I judging myself. 

I realize I judge myself the most when I've been doing revision for a long time. A friend of mine calls it an existential crisis (on her facebook) -- and no, I didn't speak to her about this. We seem to be having existential crises at the same time.
If I get an existential crisis every time I have my exams, I'll be having 2 of them a year until I graduate from law school.
-ahhhhhputsheadontableandwondersaboutlife-

It feels a bit like something is being let loose in me. I'm getting distracted by YouTube because I'm playing all my favourite songs and singing along to them. Mini-karaoke session all by myself. :)
It must be the exams. :(

Don't ask me to sing, I only sing when I'm alone. Hahah. Or at a karaoke session in a karaoke place.

I learnt a new word today. Timorous.

SO MUCH AWESOMENESS, ONEREPUBLIC.



SO. MUCH. AWESOMENESS.
cello, keyboard, drums, voice (the lead and the bg vocals). the things that caught my eye the most. and the xylophone was interesting too.

Why am I doing this to myself... Why am I not studying contract...

I have a new idol, Ryan Tedder of Onerepublic! He writes so many songs and he can play the piano so well :D I can't think of a more graceful way to put this but I guess it's very hard for a fangirl to sound graceful.

Feeling kinda bored now, which is odd because my exam starts tomorrow-- I should be burying my head in papers instead! And I woke at 11 today. It's like I'm on holiday. Or maybe this is the calm before the storm, because I foresee that next week will be a whirlwind of revision for the subjects that I haven't really been revising...

The usual people online who I usually talk to aren't online... Either they are still sleeping or they've gone into intense-revision-mode. I suspect it's the latter. Now I'm left hobo-ing online alone...

Time

to

start

revising

.....

hours later: i have reached near max capacity and i cant studyy anymoarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i need to go do a few somersaults (as if i can) and dance on the roof! RARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

5 days of revision and I'm itching to get back to my life! What's in my life anyway? I expect after exams I'll start going for samba and going out with friends and slacking at home and reading storybooks that I never knew existed but want to read. 

And watching The Hobbit!

I was reading Robert Pattinson's interview in the Life paper today and found myself agreeing fully with him. (of all people!) He says that he spent 4 years working so hard on the movie that he feels like he's stuck at 22. (I suppose he's 26 now? Old.) In some ways, I feel like that too. I must have mentioned this somewhere in my blog before, but I'll say it again, that I feel that I was so focused on doing homework and studying that I wasn't really living life.I kind of regret it but there's no point regretting such things. I could have been friendlier and probably forged closer bonds with my classmates. In JC. Then again I was being very fixated with A levels as everyone seemed to be telling me to be.
Oh well, I'm glad I realized this the moment I stepped out of JC. Another thing in JC which was hovering about me everyday was the consciousness that there were boys in my immediate surroundings. Yes, I'll admit it now. Haha. It's takes a lot of time to get used to that fact, for someone who comes out of a girls' school. I think I only got used to that fact in year 2.
So, exam pressure + being awkward around guys = awkward silent me.
Right now I still don't feel 19. At 19 you read about some people setting up their own business and whatnot. For me I still don't know what I want to do in life. Probably be a lawyer. And then? Am I going to stay a lawyer or am I going to pursue something else? I'm not focusing very much on what's beyond law school now. I remember a friend of mine asking me if I was excited at the thought of becoming a lawyer, and this is the reply I gave, 'I don't know, I'll focus on law school first'. Anyway, I think my mental age is about 16 or 17 right now. I guess this is what my aunt means when she insists that I have childish eyes, and you know what they say, that eyes are the windows to one's soul.
On the other hand though, my uncle says I have fierce eyes that I can use to stare down my opponent in a debate.
*shrugs* back to studying. For my exams. Which start in 5 days.

Interesting read ; my brother read this too. I doubt I'll ever come to a conclusion about myself regarding this issue. At least not in the near future.
To make you interested in clicking the link, here's a quote from the article:

Take dinner parties. There comes a moment, and that question: "Why don't you have a partner?"

It is usually asked by one of a couple, with always a swivel of the eye to his or her other half, so really two people are asking this question.

And I struggle to answer: "I have never found the right person... I am a sad and sorry manchild... I am incapable of love... I am a deviant, and prefer giraffes."

Now read the rest HERE (click)

Anyway I get the feeling I'm to young to be bothering about this. Maybe I'll start thinking about this 5 years later. For now, this article can be a looking glass to a possible future.

I need to write things down or else I'll never be able to concentrate on my work. I keep thinking about life when I should be thinking about my work!

Anyway today was relatively one of the better school days because I finally felt that I had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people in my class (finally, after 13 weeks). And it's actually only about half the class.

But it's also quite sad because this is the last week of school and after this we are probably not going to see each other until next year, and even in next year's classes we will not see each other because we have all been shuffled into different classes. And the profs. I won't see the profs next term. Sigh, such is life.

But it's okay because I read this somewhere (it was actually somebody's status and I found it very apt for today):

To see the world in a grain of sand

And a heaven in a wildflower

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand

And eternity in an hour.

It's the last line I want to highlight-- even though we might have known each other for such a short time, these memories will stay with me for a long time :) (not eternity but at least for a substantial time).

The same goes to all my friends from before university :3 Even though we might be doing different things in different places now, I'm sure we all look back and reflect during random moments in our current lives, about each other and what we did to each other, good or bad. 

Yayy. This is one of the moments of my existence when I feel happy and fortunate and whatnot.

Mega screwed cos I took a look at my exam timetable and realized that my first exam is about 2 weeks later. Omg. I don't clearly know what I've been learning in that module. Cos... of the nature of subject itself, which is very broad. :(
MEGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I was listening to kiss92 (as usual) and I heard this song -- Every Breath You Take. At first I thought the melody was really soothing and I thought it was a nice song about love. But lo and behold something caught my ear and I realized the lyrics are quite disturbing. It sounds like it can be sung by someone suffering from morbid jealousy. D:
Today I learnt that I should be less harsh in judging people. People-- or at least reasonable people-- always try their reasonably best and don't screw up unless they have to, and reasonable people always want to be nice unless they can't due to some external reason. Some concession should be given to everyone, including me to myself, because if I'm less harsh with myself, I'll probably be less harsh with others too.
By concession I don't mean compromising on my beliefs, but rather controlling what I say.
A few years ago, I had this belief that I could be 100% nice and that I was probably the nicest of the whole of humanity, but now I don't think so anymore. Everyone is different and it is impossible to reconcile such differences sometimes, so the concept of 'nice' was severely overrated, by me.
I think the tone of my post is a bit off-key today, but it's probably because these few days I'm feeling a bit jaded.
(jaded is a cheem word for sian)
But I feel happy talking to friends :) E.g. today I had lunch with some friends (actually I was more of a crasher but I didn't really feel that way) and talking helped to lift the grey fog swirling about my head. :)

Super bored while doing my assignment so...
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/perseverance?auto_login_attempted=true
I went to browse through this. :)
And now I'm glad to say I'm done with the assignment that cost me so much time (and is only a 0.5 unit module when usually other modules are 1 unit). Yay!
I think my bgs prof is really good though. pokes classmate who has him as prof next term. He shares interesting articles with us which are sometimes more interesting to read than my other law stuff. Not being rebellious, but we all need a break from academics sometimes.
Feeling stressed and kinda guilty at rejecting so many outings from friends. Sorry. :( But finals are 2 weeks away and I'm standing neck-high in revision. Not saying that you all are freer than I am, but I just can't focus if I go out with a pile of work left behind me.

Can't help being judged, can't help being rated. All I can do is maintain this bubble of composure in me, that reminds me that I have done what I would always have done and I've tried my best.
People definitely judge others when communicating; it's only through judging that people exchange ideas, start admiring other people, and start making friends (and enemies, but that's not my point).
So, don't take it too personally.

I'm typing this because sometimes I feel horrible when I think about grades and bell curves. The thought of myself competing with my friends and being jealous or critical of them really scares me. I've gone through such experiences before and I don't want to go through them again. I want to be myself.

That's why I really disliked it when this dude in my cca looked so agitated when our section didn't play together (i.e. rhythm not together, a bit scattered. Emphasis: a bit scattered only). Relax, we are there to enjoy ourselves, really. Standards will only go up with more practice so there's no point getting agitated. Of course he redeemed himself after that by becoming slightly more normal. But, damage done. And damage was worse because cca is definitely a place to relax, not a place to pick out bad points and get agitated over them. Conversely, if somebody gets agitated during class I'd understand better.

Sigh I'm feeling irritable today.

“Angst is not the human condition, it’s the purgatory between what we have and what we want but can’t get.” 
― Miguel Syjuco, Ilustrado

Honestly, being in samba teaches me more than new rhythms and how to hit a dhol (an Indian drum). It teaches me how to relax and I realize that I play the best when I'm relaxed. :)
I started today's samba session feeling sian which is my usual mood these days, what with thoughts of silly ct assignments and a mountain-load of revision to do... then after a while I felt more relaxed, and by the time we ended the session I was feeling cheerful.
Sadly, today is the last samba session because we're supposed to study for our exams.
But I'll remember what I've learnt from samba which is to relax, even when it comes to revision and exams. Relax but still do my work!
- Level of well-being increased-

I:
Need to stop feeling bored so easily
Need to be more efficient
Need to stop being distracted
Need more time
Need to stay back in school tomorrow night for some meeting but that's okay if it turns out productive, which  should be the case because my group is kinda efficient
Need to study
Need to study
Need to study
Need to study
Need to chill a bit because there's 3 weeks left and...3 weeks should be enough. Even if it's not enough I will do the best I can do within these 3 weeks
Need to do silly assignments for ct
Need to have more patience doing ct
Need to go bathe now
Need the study break to start from today so I don't have to go to school next week

Need more nice songs like this, that I can't get enough of. :D


Need to watch a movie
Need to buy more clothes

Sigh okay I'm in quite a foul mood now. Not very foul, just 50% foul.
But on a bright note I found out that I have a passion for gossip. :D
I told my mum about my passion and she said that I'm immature and innocent, but she was very amused by it. All is well because I had a lot of fun relating to her my passions as well. :D
Just speaking about my passion lifts my mood. I can't believe myself. -_-
Though I kinda agree with my mum that I'm immature. Sometimes I sense that my energy level is way up there but other people's energy levels are about half of mine and I get this floaty surreal sensation, i.e. is there something wrong? :( Maybe I'm not growing up fast enough. :(
This is the time when I start to miss my lower secondary school days when we were all hyper together. Upper secondary was a bit like the start of the dark moody teenage years for me so I don't recall that period with a lot of fondness. JC was the end of my dark moody teenage years so I don't really treasure that period either. Now I feel like I'm back to my childhood but everyone else is so adult-like. Oh well. Maybe I'm doing a Benjamin Button.
DO YOUR WORK, MARSHA, STOP CHATTERING. #sigh. Okay, conscience.

Here's the time of the term when I say
OH NO I CAN'T FINISH MY WORK AND IT'S STILL PILING UP

Sigh. Backlog's been living with me for about a week and it's not getting smaller. I'm kinda used to its presence now but I'm not enjoying its company because it's like a little stone on my mind that I carry around all day and all night.
Note of encouragement to self: just start clearing the backlog and it should get smaller soon.

Nice song to listen to in the morning

In the process of clearing backlog... 

One thing I find quote-worthy is somebody's status which says 'I don't quit when I'm tired, I quit when I'm done'. Yes! That's the spirit. I'll only go to sleep tonight when I find that I've finished a substantial bit of my readings. Which is really quite a lot.

Sometimes I say something to my mum knowing full well that it has quite a loaded meaning. Then the next time I say something related to that subject, she gives me a loaded look. I don't know if we're thinking of the same thing actually, but this feeling is quite cool. :)

Another quote I find really quite beautiful (also someone's status)--

"When I say I love you, it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love who you are, what you do, and how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what and who you are." 

And this is apparently quoted from a Joss Whedon who is apparently an American who produces films.

I keep thinking of the Sir Bennie at the Basement Cafe at school. Sir Bennie is poached eggs on ham/salmon on some bread. It's good.

I need to go back to reading my casebook.

Super excited yesterday while checking my timetable and comparing it with friends. Alternating between playing the drum and checking my phone for the last half hour. Hahaha.
But now I'm kinda sad cos so few of my friends are in my classes. :( On the bright side I do know 2 people with the same timetable as me. Or more. Because I remember chatting with sbd and she said I have the same timetable as her and a bunch of other people she listed. Okay, not bad, time to make new friends!
Now I'm looking forward to year 2 when we can bid for our own modules!!
Sigh pie.
Nothing I can do about this so... I'll START STUDYING.

teheh. today was a fun day. we spent our time gossiping in the gsr (group study room) after studying for a while. needless to say, when we started gossiping we forgot all about our textbooks and casebooks. then after that we went for a talk about psychiatry and its role in criminal law... interesting right! the speaker said some overseas unis have this course in criminology for lawyers but we don't have it. :( yet.
but i was quite distracted during the talk too haha.
now that all my presentations are over (except for 1), i should really start looking at clearing my backlog. yes... backlog...
a song to lighten the mood: