Boy, I really feel weird right now. Cos right now, inside my head, I'm seeing the many different sides of me and I'm just thinking, wow, I'm actually such an inconsistent personality. Who am I really? There's so many possibilities. I try not to let my personality waver too much when I'm around each group of people, because that would probably unsettle people. But sometimes, just a few times, it gets boring being the same person.
At the same time I don't think I'm unhinged, I think this is just a rare occasion when I'm truly appreciating the different sides of myself.
This kind of thinking was probably just triggered by sitting down and surfing music from YouTube. Hope you don't think I'm losing my marbles. You'll probably do some weird thinking too if you just sat down and listened to music, like I'm doing right now. It's just that I like to write my daydreams down.
I just had a strange dream (daydream) in which I'm attending a party which only insane people can attend (people who are certified insane by doctors). Two outcomes: One, everyone is happy and being themselves, their true, monstrous selves, maybe, but having a good time; Two, everyone is being their true, monstrous selves and at the end of it somebody is badly hurt by it all. The 2nd outcome creeps me out a bit, and it is quite likely to happen.
Where's the line between sanity and insanity? Aren't the sane people merely people who are keeping away their true, monstrous selves from society, which means they are essentially no different from those certified insane?
Or is it the other way around-- people who are certified insane are actually people gone off the edge; people with actual damage done to them?
In other words, what I'm really wondering in the above paragraphs is 1) are we insane by nature or 2) are we sane by nature?
Why do some people look so happy and smiley all the time, like they're just happy puppets carved out of living matter? But I suppose I just don't see them being pensive, like how I'm feeling now. No one can really see me now, so it makes sense that I don't see people when they're in their most pensive moods.
There are just so many people I could possibly be.
Or maybe I already am.

I'm so locking my blog when I start interning or working (proper work). Right now I feel quite safe-- I think no one can google my name and find this blog, because I tried it, but in the future this isn't going to be enough.



One thing I realized is I don't do well in large groups, especially when 99% of this large group are nearly total strangers.
During break that day I was feeling super uncomfortable sitting with a group of people, because all these people were from the same section and I was the odd one out. I was only sitting there cos the person I feel most comfortable with is in that section. Anyway this dude from this section gave me a weird stare and drew a line between me and the rest of the group with his finger. I was like "Ehhh...ehhh", and I was unsure what tone of 'ehh' I should assume. My friend kind of waffled at us about it and flapped her hands. I know, no hard feelings, because in large groups people usually have strange humour and treat all of their actions as a joke. I'm sure you've all seen lots of strange humour at play. But this memory still remains at the back of my mind, anyway, at least for now.

I'm starting to feel like I'm wasting my time blogging, so I'll end here~