Where to start? I can't remember the last time I felt so angry and bottled up. I'd like to give a detailed account of what happened but it will just make me sound incoherent and immature, so I'll just say that after the huge rush tonight, I'm feeling frustrated and angry. I've settled with throwing a mental tantrum, i.e. speaking to myself in my head (emphasis on "in my head", I didn't talk out loud to myself like a madwoman).
Honestly, I love my laidback attitude. "Laidback" does not mean "never gets things done", it just means "will get things done but only just before the deadline", and where exactly is the problem in doing that? As long as I get things done, I don't have to follow everyone's godspeed and dash around doing work. I have take my time to understand things.
Godspeed is how I've been trying to do things for too long, back in school, when tutorials, CCAs, lecture notes-EVERYTHING- had to be done quickly, because we had to revise, revise, revise! Or get more sleep! Slowing down my life after A's only makes it harder for me to revert back to godspeed.
Life in Singapore is really too fast for me sometimes. It sucks having to be around kiasu people who rush, rush, rush all day, who want to be first in everything so they don't lose out. It sucks even more to be around people who impose their kiasu-ism on you and try to make you rush too.
But all this complaining makes me worried about university. I don't know if I could cope --supposing I get into Law-- with the hundred plus students around me who will also rush, rush and rush out their homework, presentations, etc. I suppose I'll just do it my own way-- I'll do all I'm supposed to do, to be a good lawyer, but I'll not kill myself trying to be top in class or anything. Well, if I get into Law.
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Now that I'm feeling calmer, I'd like to talk about the way I handle my family. I don't know when it started, but I realized several years ago that I didn't like to air my views frankly with my family members. I realized it takes too much effort to argue with them, to make them see things my way, because they'd just say, FINE, do it your way, you're big now, so you don't want to listen to me anymore (something along these lines). It leaves a bitter feeling in me because it feels like I've forced somebody to do something and I don't want to "do it my way" anymore.
So I've taken to ranting to myself (in my head, doing mental tantrums) and ranting on my blog. Ranting with friends face-to-face doesn't work well with me either, because I'll feel a little too worked up and start shouting at the friend instead. I know I'll do that. Ranting to friends online doesn't work either, because online is where people get distracted. So, blogging and mental tantrums are the best.
Which brings me to my next point: I'm such an introvert. So I feel like when people share random facts about their life with me I find it amusing and laugh inappropriately. Because it's not my style to throw out random facts of my life like that. And I think I'm going off the track so I'll stop here.
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It's times like this I really look forward to living in the university's hostel, where I can be free of any supervision and I'll really be able to do things my own way. But today when I had this thought, I realized that  I'd have to go and live with other students who would have their own way of doing things too. And in some ways, that could be hard to live with too. So, everything comes with pluses and minuses. But I think I'll still prefer living in a hostel a little bit more.

Here's a song which helped in clearing up my angst: