My office is like a fish tank because there's a huge window through which everyone can see me. Anyway, I was doing nothing in my office today except for the odd bit of work that arrived in my inbox and the odd person that walked into my room and is still sitting here -_____-.

There's no point chasing after brand-name stuff. That's what people do when they shop, and they carry that branded bag just because it carries the print of a well-known name. That's what some of us do when we choose our university courses and our career paths, and we do that because the career sounds prestigious and pays well. When we get old, we realize that our aspirations have been so empty and meaningless and we've been working our days away for a job title. So don't chase brands, chase your dreams.
(Actually I have nothing against branded goods, because they do look good. It's just an analogy that's not very good.)

I wish my birthday wasn't tomorrow. It's on a Thursday, which is in the middle of the week and in the middle of nowhere in the calendar. It's on That Thursday before That Friday too. In conclusion, my birthday doesn't fall on a very nice day this year. If I could choose my birthday, it would be on a Monday, because Monday is the beginning of the week, and my birthday is the beginning of another year of my life on Earth. :) Maybe you guys can wish me happy birthday next Monday.
Juuuuust joking.

This is a good cover of a good song. ^_^

And you can check out their cover of Fast Car too. :)

I like my colleagues. :)

Despite what I've been telling people-- what will be, will be/ worrying won't change anything-- I suddenly felt a great burst of excitement and nervousness today.
I guess all this tension will build up and explode while I'm in the hall on Friday listening to the teacher talk about A level stuff for 1 hour before we get our results. I think the adrenaline in me would then be enough to make me do 50 guy-style push-ups, run around the school, and sing a note 1 octave higher than my usual range. My hands would be so sweaty that I'll be able use them to wipe the window.
:(
What will come will come, and we'll face it when it does. (something like what Hagrid said in Harry Potter). :3
I can't think properly now...I feel so impatient.
I have decided that it's not good to retreat into my very small comfort zone (in terms of social circles). Have I always been guilty of doing that?

I saw this article on facebook (poey would have seen it too!): ARTICLE

Then I thought of how I come from GEP and wondered if that has caused me to regress somehow. I've definitely ever chosen an easy way out just so I wouldn't make a mistake and disgrace myself in front of my very smart class. I have ever been afraid of making mistakes.
And the next question: Is GEP really a good programme?
I guess the teaching methods are good, but putting a label on the students is not. In conclusion: I'm not proud to have this label. I don't think I was ever proud of it. Take note that I'm not blasting the good intent behind this programme: I did enjoy the lessons I had in primary school. All the games and enrichment worksheets were fun. In secondary school all this fun disappeared, because we had a common syllabus. But the teachers were still fun and sought to challenge us in every possible way. So, it was good teaching. Yet, the conclusion stays: I'm not proud to have this label.

This reminds me of other good school programmes that are only open for the better students. If there's good education to offer, why offer it only to one small group of students? Is it reliable to select this group of privileged students based on your entrance tests and interviews alone? By doing so, you risk leaving out other talented students, and you might risk decreasing the diversity of your classroom, depending on your selection criteria. I read an article regarding this issue a few months ago, and the authors (who were university students) proposed that this characteristic of Singaporean education (this tendency to only open good programmes to the "better" students) makes it pale in comparison to education in for example the US or UK. I think we should open up.

You can tell that I'm writing this from the perspective of a student who is worried she might not qualify for this good school programme. But still, what I said makes sense, right? ^^

I just watched a few videos from The Sing-Off, and I discovered this singer who is part of a group called Kinfolk 9. He's called Moi and I think his voice is good! And so is his hair! :)

What does it mean when you realize you never had to think about how much learning driving costs, and your mum readily agreed to let you learn it?
Besides the fact that I'm a bit out of tune with financial issues...
I'm only thinking of this because I heard from a colleague that the driving test is expensive.

I'm feeling very free. I just started getting used to my work today. Getting used-- No more blindly walking into the office and feeling lost, but going to work because it has already become part of my lifestyle. My slack office job means that I have plenty of time now to think of plenty of things...
Which don't exist!

What's happening in my life now...
I'm going for dance class later. (maybe my last?)
I'm having my BTT tomorrow.
And then I can start driving lessons.
University.
Fangirling bbjx and bbjx-cast-related stuff. (I've toned down a lot on the fangirling actually.)
Saturday tutoring sessions.
Nothing else!!!

I'm in one of those moods in which I can't stop listening to bbjx songs.

Now that I'm working, I understand what it means when my mum buys me shoes and gives me pocket money. It doesn't feel very good to know you have to go back to the same office everyday regardless of whether you have work to do there or not. And my job is very slack compared to my mum's. How does it feel to be like her? I'd have to wake at 5.30 am and work till 4 or 5 everyday, and when I come home I'd have to prepare dinner for my (rather old) children and do the housework, and finally I'll collapse sleepily on the bed at 9 pm, and welcome another day of work hours later.
It's not easy being a working mum...

I harbour a secret ambition to be an actress or a singer, so that I can probably get to meet all the actors and actresses (mainly actors :X) that I've admired.

I'm starting think of what jobs out there could be more interesting and stimulating than the one I have. But it's hard to find, and I'm too busy enjoying my creature comforts to hunt for another one. -.-
I guess I could start uni applications. (?)

Today I started to review the life I've spent since December, and I felt like there was something missing. And I didn't like some of the ways I had spent my life. But in the end I decided to let go of all this aimless grappling of How to Live Life, and told myself to enjoy every day as it comes...

And I'm starting to like old Chinese songs.

I'm bored at work and my colleague is trying to sleep on two chairs. Seems like any job I get is quite slack. (NUH, and now this!) Heheheh. Hope I don't get fired for slacking. There's really nothing to do! I bet I'll be busy another day. I'm so bored I'm having a monologue here.

This is SuJu's equivalent from the 1970s/80s. HAHAHA. Their lyrics are so cheesy but I still love it. :)

I'm feeling a little zombied, a little bit like how I felt when I was still at school. Sometimes school was a torture because I'd wake at 5.35 am everyday, and do tutorials/stone until 12 midnight. But I'll still say that life is treating me well now because my job is comfy, and I get paid. :D And random treats from nice colleagues. (Hope they continue treating? :))
I can see how it's easy to retreat into a work-home-work-home lifestyle. It's very easy to handle. You don't think a lot, but you still get to enjoy comforts such as a decent pay, 3 meals a day and some entertainment from the TV and the books. This lifestyle suits me, or at least a part of me.
The other part of me says that a life like that is meaningless. (Actually it would depend on what job you have... If you love your job very much then by all means lead a life like that.)

Recently there was a debate and a lot of heated responses to the government's decision to build elderly-friendly facilities in parts of Singapore. I agree that it shows a lack of kindness in Singaporeans. But I also understand why people reacted that way. In land-scarce Singapore, we are often forced to share space with all sorts of people. There's not an empty space in Singapore anywhere (except patches of greenery in... Lim Chu Kang??). All everyone wants is some breathing space and some neighbourhood to call your own. So when the government says they are going to build elderly facilities in your posh, predominantly young and well-to-do neighbourhood, the most natural thing to do is to refuse.

You see that, in some countries, the little towns have distinct characteristics of their own? In terms of architecture. Not in Singapore, where land use is strictly regulated and where every bit of land is maximized. So it's no wonder some people are unhappy with the way their neighbourhoods are turning out. I guess people tend to be a bit selfish when it comes to their homes.

Dilemmas. :/

2nd day of work: What I've learnt is that it's an easy job and I'll just relax the rest of the way. The only downside is that I have to wake up early. :)

Sigh I love them. They were (are?) so carefree and the lyrics remind me of a child's imagination. I doubt I had a childhood like what this video portrays (running around neighbourhoods and fields, playing with friends.) My childhood mostly revolved around school and home. I didn't play with my neighbours. But I did have my fun times in school. (And at home on the computer.) I guess all of us have had different childhoods, and it is strange how all of us remember our own so fondly.

I like this song very much. Very, very much. If you feel old, listen to this and you'll feel like you're young again. :) I never thought I'd listen to songs by a band from the 1970s (or was it 1980s?).

There's a rather sad part in the song though:
当烦恼越来越多 玻璃弹珠越来越少
ｕ 我知道我已慢慢地长大了
ｉ 红色的蜻蜓曾几何时
· 也在我岁月慢慢不见了
But the rest of the song tells me that you can be young forever, as long as you remember the dreams you had when you were a child. <3

Anyway, I watched a cast interview of bbjx that day, and one of the actors said females like to watch bbjx because bbjx fulfills a woman's fantasy, which is about having so many men who like you to choose from. Exactly what my brother said when he first saw bbjx. I agree. :D

Started my job today. Very relaxing, just check forms. Hopefully it stays this way, and nothing goes wrong! :)

I finished watching bbjx yesterday! It was heartbreaking, but I guess this lessens the heartache.

You can hear the back-up voice, which means the performance wasn't very professionally done. But they really look very sweet together here! :)

I guess watching this is quite unhealthy psychologically, because they're just acting like a couple on stage, after all...

But it's still sweet, that's why I posted it here.

We are a generation who can express ourselves freely (with tact of course) and with few restrictions. And I'm glad we have all kinds of dance, music and sports through which we can channel our emotions.

LET OUT ALL THE NEGATIVES!

After listening to a few of Nirvana's songs I felt a little high, and that's why I have this post here.

Because I watch bbjx, I believe that romantic love is most touching when it is expressed through concern for the other. :3
OKAY LET ME GET BACK TO EARTH.
-----
I take back what I said about school being a waste of time. -_- If not for school, I wouldn't have learnt so much. I guess I just said it in a fit of...annoyance.
I watched We Not Naughty today with poeyz. :) I think it's a very good movie. It wasn't realistic at some points but it did drive some points home very strongly. It was very touching at several points, and laugh-out-loud funny at many others. Good directors like Jack Neo have my support, even though they might have had extramarital affairs. 不管白猫、黑猫，逮住老鼠就是好猫. (as Deng Xiaoping said) Heheh.

Firstly, I don't understand why I'm blogging so much. But heck.

I'm inspired by the actors in bbjx, especially the older ones (specifically two of them). They seem to have struggled for a long time in the entertainment industry before establishing their reputations and their fanbases. Wu Qilong managed to attend university and film movies at the same time to pay off his family debt, and Kevin Cheng only got his first breakthrough after about 9 years of acting in minor roles. 9 years! That's half of my life.

What I've learnt from them is to pick something I'd really love to do in my life, and focus all my efforts on it so I can succeed in that area. As I've told myself a few days ago, I shouldn't be looking for instant results in my life or career. Anyway, if I dedicate my life to something I like, it probably doesn't matter if I succeed in it or not, because I'd be contented with what I do everyday. And what is success anyway? Becoming famous? Being the head of a company? Success comes in many forms, and what society calls "success" is not the only thing that can bring me happiness.

*inspired* :3

But what do I really love to do? I'm asking myself this question for the nth time now, and I find myself thinking of the social sciences more often than I have. But I still can't say for certain if I would like to do science or social science in future. Meh. Dreams take time to form.

If only I could begin my life after I've decided. That means I'll decide first, and then I'll go back to being a child of 11 or 12 years old. Then I wouldn't waste time on attending more school, I'd just dive straight into learning what I love. (Why do I keep thinking that school was a waste of time? It's not the first time I've thought this way.)

Still, I must comfort myself with the fact that I AM STILL VERY YOUNG, at 19 years old. And there's plenty of time for me to find what I love. I'm too young to panic about my age.

WE ARE YOUNG, WE ARE GOLDEN!!!
(We are not what you think we are!)
inspired by lyrics from Mika's We Are Golden

Here's something I read in the papers a few days ago. I agree with it. The truth hurts...
http://news.insing.com/tabloid/young-s-poreans-lack-the-drive-to-succeed/id-862c3f00
So I hope to be the opposite. A debatable issue (that was highlighted in the papers too): what is drive anyway?
And I'll listen to more old Chinese and Cantonese songs from now on. :)



:D

Before I fangirl brainlessly, I need to say this: I am trying to get a job! But the job agency hasn't found one for me yet. The only thing I can do now is to be a faithful fangirl. :) It's great because I haven't enjoyed such luxury of time in... 2 years. I have no clue how I'm going to occupy myself tomorrow besides waiting for the agency to call.

Bubujingxin is probably the first drama that has occupied my mind for so long. It's probably because I'm so free now, so I can devote myself to analysing the plot and the characters. The cast is good looking, the plot is heart-breaking, the characters are charming, and the songs are touching...

At first I really couldn't understand why she rejected No.8. But now I think I do... I shan't elaborate here because... As much as I would like to sound philosophical about love here, I don't think I can pull it off, and I know I will only sound immature. Please, a teenager discussing love?

I think dramas are good because they puzzle me. Singaporean dramas always end in the happiest possible way, and after growing up on our dramas I think I have developed an opinion on romantic love that is too optimistic to be relevant. It's not true that no matter how many twists and turns there are in the middle, a multitude of coincidences will occur to unite the couple in the end. It's not true that people get together purely because of true love. And it's not true that romantic love has to be expressed through physical contact, which is what some books I've read seem to suggest. (Please don't ask me what I've been reading! You can ask me in private and I'll try to recall.) The unfortunate circumstances in bbjx tear to shreds any idyllic worldview I might have. *awakening*

I've been wanting to read about Chinese history ever since I started watching bbjx, but I haven't. What I have done, actually, is reading up on some of the cast members. ;) I think acting (on television/in theatre) is a really interesting job, because it immerses you in stories. But the fame that sometimes comes with it can restrict one's life. :/
Goodbye, I'm off to do more research on the actors. And Chinese history.

I spent my whole day catching up on bu bu jing xin :) I can't say I'm proud of what I'm doing, but there's one thing I know for sure-- I like this drama!
I just took the personality test again and it says I'm an ENTP.

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
(Lyrics of Defying Gravity)


The holidays have changed me, have they? I guess I swap personalities all the time, depending on what I'm doing.

I have something new to fangirl about: Bu bu jing xin! I think what got me fangirling was the scene with the couple :3 And knowing that they won't be together in the end made me quite sad.
Okay the best way to get teens to fangirl your drama is to throw in a sad romance.

I was bumming around at home, and all of a sudden I recalled something that I talked about last time. It was about religion and I realized that what I said was borderline offensive (damage reduced since I was talking about my own religion, so no one could really point the finger at me and accuse me of slander).
And since it could have been rude, I felt a bit scared. For just that moment, I sort of felt like I was in the panopticon (you can click on that)-- I thought there could be a heavenly being checking on what I say everyday.
I'm sure you've had this feeling before, when your mum scolded you for being naughty and ended her lecture by saying that Santa would not visit you ever again.
After pondering over that memory, I came to the conclusion that I must have been so bored that my brain had to throw out a random memory to occupy my thoughts.

My brother just asked me if I've ever wanted to do anything in life but just kept putting it off. It's a tough question and my first reaction was to gape at him but I did have some answers in the end.
1. Learn how to play the guitar
2. Travel ("Where?" "China... And Turkey.")
Uni exchange trips are great too!
3. Volunteer (regular CIP plus OCIP)
4. Be more immersed in the arts and social sciences (I guess this will be during uni)
Now that I'm at it, I have one more!
5. Exercise more (play badminton, go for Hip Hop, etc.)

The grass on the other side is always greener. My mum and brother seem very envious of the lifestyle I have now, which is slacking every day.