Nowadays I question myself, why not? Following a dogma and having reservations was what I did in the past. But not today! Not anymore! I will defy gravity! (as the song goes)
Tonight, we are young.
Why didn't I realize this earlier? Why did I let all those opportunities pass me by? Why did I not have the courage to fulfill my own dreams in my own way? I'm older now than I have ever been before and time is slipping away.
For a wild moment back then, I wished that there hadn't been such a thing as school. But then I wouldn't have met all these wonderful people I know now.

Today I asked two people how they knew they wanted to study medicine. One of them said, "Must ask how one meh? Just like that..." And the other thought for really long (about 7 or 8 seconds) and finally said "It's not like I went down a list and picked it. I just knew..."
When did you know, I probed.
"Since upper secondary," they both said.
I really wonder how this works. I have never felt like I had an ambition before.
Or have I had a lot of dreams, but suppressed them for fear of failure?
Now it just feels like my whole schooling life has been meaningless.
What's the point of sprinting without a finishing line? It just tires you out while you're at it. And when you finally get the chance to lie down and rest, you feel lost.
I've been living life the wrong way. I'd rather be in an average school and have an ambition than be in a good school and not have any idea what I'm working towards.

Sorry I'm in an emo moment I need to have some me time. If you (anyone at all) feel the same way as I do or have anything to say to me, please do, I'll appreciate it very much, and I will know I'm not having a monologue on this bunch of pixels.