Maybe I'm too distrustful of all the bureaucracy that I'll have to go through when I apply to study for a course at university. It's possible to strategize and think of the ways to ace an interview but sometimes the interviewer asks questions that hit a weak spot/raw nerve spot-on, i.e. questions you really don't know how to answer. And they go AHA and move on to the next person, and forget about your existence from then on.

So I dare not have hopes now, I'm just waiting till the last possible minute to see how good I fare at the end of it all and where I will stand in the sea of university applications.

(I told my brother about this rather disastrous interview I had that day and he advised me to learn from it and not be so...careless next time.)

Come to think of it this is really unhealthy, and it's being really weak-willed. I should just be courageous and probe myself, find out what I really like to study and focus my efforts on working towards it. And ignore all obstacles that I encounter after that. Actually, for now, this just means trying to get 4As for A levels (like Mrs Toh advised); it's a goal everyone is working towards. But I suppose it would motivate me much much more in working hard and doing my tutorials and studying etc., if I had such a purpose in mind. And it will also help me to focus in times when I'm juggling quite a few things already (not a lot, okay, but enough for my multi-tasking capacity and emotional range). I feel like I have the emotional range of a teaspoon. Familiar? :)

Or maybe I just have so many interests I haven't decided where to head.

I suppose it's a mix of both. :/ But I think it's an accurate distillation of what I really felt when Mrs Toh had the talk with me about my future plans.

I think I'm blogging like that and having such abstract thoughts and feelings because my brain has switched to KI mode and I'm thinking of abstract ideas and trying to write logically. I can't bear to word-count my IS because it's so dismally SHORT. And I have ONE WEEK to work on completing the first draft. Writing is really not as simple as I've always thought. Ugh.

I've also learnt to be humble when taking part in a group effort. Learn from others.