So as I've mentioned, today was the last day of work. It ended on a good note. :)
I've learnt a few things from this job, and they mostly include stuff about how to conduct myself. Hmm, since I'm so bored, I guess I'll list them down here.
a. I've learnt to sound and look confident even though deep down, I'm asking, what is going on. Actually, sometimes the blank look in my eyes give me away, but with practice, I think that's happening less often.
b. Always stand up when people shake your hand.
That's all I can think of right now.
My colleague told me something today that made me really glad to be myself...
Quite a few of my colleagues wished me luck in my future endeavours. I appreciate it even though it's a really cliche phrase, because after all it's the thought that counts. I wished them good luck too.

Read someone's blog about university decisions. I really admire people who enjoy freedom, who enjoy learning for the sake of learning. (By the way, enjoying freedom and enjoying learning for its own sake are two unrelated things.) I hope when all of us go to university, we will not change, but conserve our true selves. I hope we do not turn into competitive, grade-crazy students. Actually, competitive and grade-crazy does sound a little like my old self. :/ Some people learn so they can compete, so they can earn money and prestige, and they become slaves to those things.
Argh I love the song I posted below! <3
I suddenly feel like there's a great void in my brain that's so unused that it's starting to gather dust and cobwebs.

Wow, Cameron Mitchell's voice is so lovely! (As usual) And because of this cover I shall go and explore Aqualung's songs.

Can't wait for next week to come! Cos I'll be really free next week. ;)

Today I probed my thoughts again and asked myself for the nth time why I'm putting the NUS law appeal on hold. Then I realized there must be one main reason that is stopping me from doing so: I don't want to try so hard to get into a school that has a better reputation. It isn't a strong enough reason to make me appeal.
Of course, with regard to law, NUS has a better reputation than SMU with good reason: it has more elective modules and it is more established. But SMU law has its attractions too. Personally, the age of a school doesn't bother me; as for the number of elective modules, I'm not sure myself what aspect of law I like, so SMU will suffice. I don't look forward to drafting an appeal letter only to spend the next few weeks wondering if my appeal is successful.
I feel like cutting my hair short, like it was in secondary school. :)

Work is ending on Thursday, but I realize that I won't miss my workplace and my colleagues very much. Except maybe for one, the Malay lady who works beside me most of the time, and the rest of the counter staff. At work, I'm different from who I am when I'm with family or friends; I'm less comfortable with them. Some of them are nice and likable people whom I can chat with, but come Thursday, I will leave the place, and we'll continue on our own paths. Oh yes, there's also the director who is really smart and always discusses current affairs with us.
Of course, there's always Facebook and What's App to keep in touch with!
My colleague and I have been talking about going for zumba together but nothing has materialised. :( Maybe we'll still meet up, next time...

Here's another lovely song that goes very well with the night. :)


I have less and less things to say here...
Nowadays I just prefer to move along with the flow of life and not delve too deeply into it. Because life now is really much simpler than it was in school. I get to focus on one thing at a time, I get to take naps on the sofa, I get to talk to strangers (e.g. colleagues and driving instructors), basically, I get to do anything I want, which includes nothing as well.
The only place I end up at if I delve deeper is farther into my mind. But unfortunately my mind has stopped being reflective. So there are fewer things to type here. :) I think this un-reflective-ness is temporary!

I love this song. It makes me feel like I'm dancing down the streets and everyone is dancing along with me, in colourful clothes. Yeah! Just imagine that...

Here's something that I found inspiring:
“Don’t only practice your art, but force your way into its secrets, for it and knowledge can raise men to the divine.”
- Ludwig Van Beethoven
Yes, don't just practice what you do to meet other people's expectations, but practice it for its own sake.
I read an article in mypaper today. It was about a cleaner in Columbia University who graduated with a degree: Click here for the link :)

My favourite line:

"The richness is in me, in my heart and in my head, not in my pocket," he told reporters.

I admire people like that so much.
Oh my gosh all I wanna do is sleep these days. Even the thought of driving tomorrow cannot lift my spirits... maybe I'm getting tired of it. Now driving is not a luxury... it's slowly turning into a chore. I guess about 70% of it depends on which instructor you get. Still, a pretty comfy life.

"3. Explore the unknown: Every year, make a list of things that you fear the most. Then, do something everyday that gets you closer to the unknown factor residing in your fear. Gradually, you will overcome all your fears one by one." from here which has a post about fear.
I guess most people are afraid of dying. It finally makes sense why some people love dangerous activities such as tightrope-walking, mountain climbing and parachuting. It probably brings them closer to accepting death. When they're done with their death-defying stunts they'll plant their feet firmly on the ground and say to themselves, whew! I've survived yet again, and how shall I celebrate this gift of life today? And they proceed to do more things that they enjoy.
It takes some effort to start finding out from ourselves how we would truly like to spend our lives. For one, there is this massive inertia holding us back (come on, what are the chances?).

When a lightbulb goes out, you buy a new one and replace it.

When the light leaves somebody's eyes, you mourn the person and eventually life goes on... But no one can replace that person. The pace at which life goes on depends on how well you knew that person. If you didn't know him/her at all, life goes on in a second. If you knew him/her well, then... life could take years or decades to go on.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that although I've never known the senior who passed away during NS training, it taught me again that I have no right to feel the slightest bit of sadness unnecessarily. For example, a few minutes ago I was just feeling down that it was Sunday night (and that the next day is Monday). When somebody leaves like that, his past, present and future vanish, just because of a tragic coincidence: he just happened to be in that jeep and the jeep flipped over in that precise manner. I've realized again that life is fragile and I should spend it wisely.

But of course I cannot actually organize my emotions the way I want them to be, like how I arrange my belongings in their specific compartments to prepare for the next day. I just happen to lack some endorphins in my system now. I guess what I can control is my lifestyle. E.g. set some rules to exercise so that endorphins can be released into my endocrine system. 

Oh well! Here's a sweet song that I heard on the radio today (Class 95!)

And life goes on...with us having better knowledge of how to tread its path wisely. At least I hope so... I seem to have a rather poor memory.

Just had a scary thought. Imagine everyone you knew standing on the edge of a pit, and the slightest shift in coincidences could tip them over into the inaccessible unknown down below.
D:
TOUCH WOOD.
This is a sign that I'm thinking too much. I have too much time on my hands. Goodnight!

Unfit for Social Interaction. Apparently this term has been coined for people who do not feel like talking to others at all. This evening I felt UFSI, inexplicably, and turned on the computer to play some dragon nest. In the end I chatted on msn a little. But I wonder what our ancestors did when they felt UFSI and there was no computer about them. I guess they read, played their instruments or took a walk in the grasslands.
No grasslands near my house!
There's Jurong Lake Park which is right opposite, but I've been warned about dangers lurking in parks at night. Maybe I shall test it out one day. ;) When I pluck up the guts to do so.

When I get rejected, I feel this simmering rage in me. Anyway, it seems like NUS law rejected me, from what I see on the joint acceptance portal. -.- Curse the interview! I could go on about how the world is unfair (and so can anyone I pick off the streets), but it's such a well-worn phrase, so I'll forget about it. And I'll move on with... listening to music and then sleeping.

Anyway, something else I wanted to write down before I got distracted by the joint acceptance portal:
Living with loved ones is both heartwarming and irritating. It's time I stop being selfish and tuning in only when I want to. If I were the one being ignored, I think I'd feel very hurt.

And I felt inspired to be myself as much as possible after reading a book. Sometimes things happen and you try to change yourself to improve the situation. Sometimes you call that "adapting", but other times it is actually "trying too hard to squeeze into another personality". I don't want to lose myself in this crazy maze that is life, so I'll hold on more tightly to myself from now on. Do I sound very egocentric? I mean, I'll hold on to my family and friends too. After all, they are a part of who I am. They make up my memories. And they care for me, which is why I care for them too.

Urgh, I still feel angry. But it's lessening to a feeling that can be likened to having a swarm of flying ants swirling around my living room. i.e. IRRITATING!

But after a while of listening to lots of The Piano Guys, especially their song "All of Me", which consists of lots of dramatic chords and light running notes, I feel normal again, like I was before I checked the portal. I mean, life throws obstacles at you, but you don't let it make you bitter. Similar to what I mentioned about holding onto myself. ^_^
Take that, fate!

This blossoming feeling I feel in my torso when I listen to music must be love. It happens when I listen to music by The Piano Guys. :D
I like this book I'm reading:

It teaches me many things, such as:
1) It is not "I think, therefore I am", but "I feel, therefore I am" and "I suffer, therefore I am". This is why we enjoy "emo-ing". It brings us closer to the individual inside ourselves.
2) Love and our favourite music can do the same thing to us-- filling us up! The author calls it the "hypertrophying" of our soul.
But the author seems to think there's nothing wrong with infidelity, which is frowned upon in our society. I guess that's a cultural difference between Asian societies and Western societies. But it's a difference that is being blurred.

I guess I shall stop discussing the book and leave you all to go find the book if you're interested in it. :)

Here's a passage from the book which I found very relaxing to read:
"Road: a strip of ground over which one walks. A route differs from a road not only because it is solely intended for vehicles, but also because it is merely a line that connects one point with another. A route has no meaning in itself; its meaning derives entirely from the two points that it connects. A road is a tribute to space. Every stretch of road has meaning in itself and invites us to stop. A route is the triumphant devaluation of space, which thanks to it has been reduced to a mere obstacle to human movement and a waste of time.


Before roads and paths disappeared from the landscape, they had disappeared from the human soul: man stopped wanting to walk, to walk on his own feet and to enjoy it. What's more, he no longer saw his own life as a road, but as a route: a line that led from one point to another, from the rank of captain to the rank of general, from the role of wife to the role of widow. Time became a mere obstacle to life, an obstacle that had to be overcome by ever greater speed."

I'm in love!



First thing that comes to my mind when I start blogging: I'm a bit sick of work already, but I guess I've been somewhat lacking in the attitude department, so I'll go back and work on being a model employee. Actually, I'm a rather good employee to everyone except one person. :D
I hope no one at my workplace ever finds my blog...

I shall write about what I've learnt at work.

1) Give people shit and they'll give you shit back.
I decided to be late for a 'meeting' with my supervisor today, just out of spite. (childish? maybe.) 10 minutes into being late, he walked out and said, "It's so late already, why aren't you meeting me yet?!" in a rather loud voice. So I replied that I was on the phone at the counter (which is partly true, just that after that call I decided to sit around for longer). That encounter worsened my impression of him and also spoilt my morning. So, maybe I'll try a different tack: be nicer to him. (emphasis on nice-r)

2) 退一步，海阔天空
After complaining about him, I realized that a) I'm partly at fault too and b) it's not a very serious incident so in conclusion: don't harp on it. There are many pretty things in life out there too.

3) Do not gossip in the office
I actually gossiped in the office today for about less than a minute, more out of frustration at the-above-mentioned than for the fun of it. I used to think gossip was for fun, but I realized that it's more for letting off your steam. Back to the point: My colleague warned me about gossiping right after that, and I guess she's right. It tears down whatever professional image you have. Vanity aside, it also creates more bad blood in the office. Lastly, there is a question that reveals the kiasi tendency lurking in the back of my mind-- what if my supervisor heard me?
But the devil-may-care side of me is suppressing that kiasi tendency.

4) It's almost impossible not to take sides in office politics.
Office politics is purely emotional, so don't expect it to be reasonable. I've tried my best to stay out of this cold war between my colleagues who work at the counter. I've been friendly to both of them, but it seems like being in the company of one person signifies that you've defected over to 'the other side'. So I've spent just a little more time with one of the colleagues, and now the other colleague doesn't seem to like me as much. Even when she smiles at me, it looks like a fake and cold smile. :(

5) Look at your colleagues when they are speaking to you, and vice versa.
This is basic courtesy. I can't believe the-above-mentioned cannot abide by this simple social rule when talking to me.

6) Look and sound confident all the time.
Look confident when reporting what work you've done, so you don't look like a slacker. Sound confident on the phone so people trust you. Lastly, stride into the room confidently when gate-crashing buffet lunches at conferences. :D

7) Blogging is not a good way to rant because it doesn't reduce my frustration. Rather, it increases it because I'm hiding behind a screen and nobody is around to keep my frustration in check. So, this is the end of my post.

WHY am I turning this into a ranting/gossiping session? No, Marsha, GET A LIFE! ^_^

Here's a lovely performance:


Once you get over the shock of how good they are, you can start appreciating what marvelous music they produce.