Yay! All my presentations are over (except for the creative thinking presentation but I don't really count that).
Surprisingly for contract law presentation people said we did a good job. :))) I thought the process (meeting up, discussing) seemed too smooth-sailing to be true actually. I shall take their word for it and consider it a good job.
Anyway by my standards I think my group did quite well.
:D
We did get asked some tough questions but... we could answer some of them at least.
And then today for samba the instructor said our section was the best :D guess we remembered all the rhythms and played well together. Yay!
Yup anyway this post is a narcissistic one for me to flaunt my cheerfulness.
Note to self: tomorrow I'll start to work on clearing my reading backlog. D: D:
So tired that I'm stoning subconsciously.

Another thing I learnt today: why be stressed when you can be relaxed?
Stress never helps.
Thinking in calm state of mind will help.

I get this feeling that I'm entering a system and being subject to its rules and its norms, yet again. I've never had this feeling this clearly... although I did have an inkling of it in JC when I did nothing but study for A's and go for CCA (which was actually fun). Now I feel like I'm more aware of the school's systems and how much of my life it is taking over. In fact right now my life is my school! Except for the very rare meetings with friends from outside SMU (who else but my sec sch friends?).
For example, today was a public holiday but I spent the whole day in school! Or does this point to a despicable sense of self-entitlement in myself? i.e. I feel like I'm entitled to holidays. I shouldn't even be complaining about this because I'm a student and students are supposed to be dedicated to their studies. Hmm.
And I wonder what people would be like if I knew them outside of this system. Certainly outside the system everyone would behave differently and be much more of themselves, maybe. But it is never possible to be outside of a system no matter where one goes so there's no point having this hypothetical situation anyway. In fact we can't be who we are without the systems that control and influence our behaviour.
Thinking of the Hunger Games plot now. \casts significant look\
But I wouldn't like to view all this work in a negative way even though I am feeling rather tired right now. After all it doesn't help to get stressed/depressed/emotional.
Yeah.
Something that has hit home time and time again over the past few weeks is that I must always remember to be myself; to never forget who I am, what I like, and how I like to do things. It's very easy to get lost in a whirlwind of deadlines and expectations and try to conform to standards and norms, and that's when I start to get emotional and depressed. And it always feels better when I realize that, hey, I have control over what I can do and cannot do.
It is sometimes quite a lonely feeling to know that I'm the only one who knows who I really am, what I really like, and how I really like to do things. But no choice about that. I'm quite sure anyone out there has this little impenetrable bubble of self that only he can look into, that no one else can have access to. And it is this very bubble of self that preserves my sanity, my sense of purpose and my basic level of happiness.
This is all rather angsty talk but I'm not speaking of the day's events, but rather school life as a whole.
Today was just a tiring day. I almost fell asleep in my 2nd project meeting (when we were having our presentation dry run) and my group members were giving me strange looks. Luckily they started discussing stuff after that and I returned to Earth.

I read through my previous post and now I realize how much my mood fluctuates. Right now I'm feeling a little burnt out... there's 3 project presentations to prepare for and some readings to catch up with but I can't really bring myself to start for some reason.

:((

Oh well, no point stoning and feeling sian. Better start on something at least.

And then next tuesday I will look back and feel glad that I at least did my best to prepare for stuffs.
I think I need to get rid of the very burdensome impression that because I'm a law student I have a lot of work to do. I think a lot of other people are very busy too (as facebook reports). 

Googled motivational pictures for studying and so I'll share some relevant ones with you:

Okay, action.

Feeling unbelievably optimistic about school life now. There's a lot of work awaiting but I'm not very bothered by it. I wonder if this is a good thing? And later I'm still going out to celebrate my brother's birthday (in advance).
I know why I'm feeling so optimistic now. Cos I'm listening to kiss92 with all it's lovely songs! :D I feel like meeting up with friends and talking now. Oh well, time to start work and stop day-dreaming~

Am currently spending a rather fruitless time thinking of ideas for my creative thinking assignment.
-_-

I really don't regret joining samba. On monday I was feeling like a zombie and feeling quite desperate about my workload and moody because I was sleepy. On tuesday I was vaguely moody too but things just got better as the day went by. (Contract law) Lesson was interesting because the prof was jovial (what a lovely lady), then creative thinking class was not bad either (albeit a bit tense in my group), and then the highlight was samba prac!
Samba prac really made me feel human again. Now I think of my workload (which has kind of grown since Monday) and think it's really possible to finish it. (and all I have to sacrifice is some sleep).
Granted, there's an irritating guy in my section, but all that matters is me and my drum and the rest of the band. :D :D

Shouldn't be blogging cos I'm chionging my readings (oops! but the seniors apparently say it's impossible to finish readings. this is not to be heeded though cos i'll have to finish them anyway before the exams). But I need to express something which I actually wanted to say in a chat with a friend last night/wee hours of this morning but was too sleepy to be bothered to.
Everyone in uni is so grown up! Expressions of stress and sleepiness-- e.g. whining, purposeful blurness, etc (whatever you might do when you're stressed and sleepy) seem to be non-existent and I seem to be the only one doing it at times. I can't help worrying what some of my groupmates think of me. Do they think I'm childish? I hope not :(
Purposeful blurness-- this is something quite unique to me I suppose. I really act blur at times. Not being really blur. ;)
*Needs to grow up more.
---
Crap. In this whirlwind of chionging readings for a lesson about 2 hours later, I feel really anxious. I can actually feel my BP rising.
But there's a voice of reason telling me (no I'm not schizo) that I should have learnt a lesson from my schooling years by now-- never learn because of fear. Fear that I will not keep up, fear that maybe the prof will call my name and ask me a question about a case (actually my prof never did that. Except for once, but maybe that was cos I was looking a bit sleepy). I should learn because I really want to find out things by myself. Given the limited amount of time, well... I should still stick to this principle to preserve my sanity, my sense of self. I will catch up by end of this week. Forget about being well-prepared for 2 hours later.
By rushing I can't remember all the questions I asked myself and the answers I wanted to find out for myself, which defeats the point of reading anyway.

I have this half-wish that I was young again (primary school) so that I could make all the mistakes I never made.

It's always like that... you reach a certain point, look back and wonder why you were ever so cautious!

Ohh my first ever presentation this coming wednesday! Donno why I'm so nervous/excited about it -___- I hope I appear sane in front of the class on wednesday. I'll be glad when it's over. Then I'll think about the triple whammy in week 11 (2 presentations on monday, 1 on tuesday). On week 11 tuesday I will CELEBRATE.

Sigh. All the work's piling up and it doesn't seem like the workload's going to go away; conversely it looks like it's going to continue piling up until... week 12 (now it's week 9) and then my final exams will be week 14/15. And what's horrible is that in week 11 I'm gonna have 3 presentations! 2 on Monday, 1 on Tuesday. Unless I manage to get a swap. I think I'm going to enjoy week 11, in a rather sadistic manner.
Wow...
This is madness!
I seriously need 48 hours in a day. Especially today when I'm trying to finish my work.
Argh...
I feel so immobilized today. Don't feel like doing anything.
On the bright side though, I remember a senior saying that stress never helps. So right now I should be working on being zen. Which is why I'm listening to Kiss 92 FM and blogging.
Seriously whoever said university life was the most fun period in their lives never studied here. It gave me the impression that university life was going to be all fun and freedom.
But to be fair, I really am having fun here. Together with a hell lot of work.
What's fun in university are the people I hang around with, and the CCA I'm in. Granted, I don't know a lot of people in my CCA and I stick with my section mostly. Because otherwise I don't really have anything to say to other people except, hi. But in a CCA you don't primarily enjoy the company of the people, you enjoy the activity!
BURNNNNNNNNNNNNN

This is recess week but there seems to be more work than usual. Added together with my 2 days of camp for samba masala and it seems like an impossible task to finish the revision and homework I aimed to finish initially. It is impossible actually. Gosh. Just this morning I overslept and awoke muttering a swear word. -_- Arrived at a project meeting about 55 mins late. (55 mins looks better than 1 hour) Thankfully my group was nice about it and brushed my boo-boo off.

At the 2nd project meeting for today we started joking and asking each other what we were doing at law school since there were easier options out there to earn money. But jokes aside there isn't much point in asking this question and the only thing we can do is to make the best out of what we have here.

My group member decided to be evil and rattled off a list of work left to finish for this recess week. At the end of the list he looked at me and said I looked quite like a wild deer getting chased by a hunter. -.- Lost and desperate. Argh. Then he gave an evil laugh. -.-

Step by step... I will finish a substantial amount of work by this Sunday night. 

Actually the work we get is really manageable... the only problem is that it comes in cargo-ship-loads.
---
Finished a rather substantial bit of my lslma ppt. Now for a bedtime song and some self-congratulation.
Congratulations to myself for staying awake ^_^
Finally by Fergie. No idea what the lyrics are saying (not listening) but the tune is lovely.

YAY here comes recess week. I've been wanting a break ever since... 2 weeks ago.
Or rather, study break. Everyone around me says they are gonna spend everyday revising. Hardcore... But that's what I'm gonna do too. With the exception of Monday and Tuesday which will be totally spent on samba camp -___- It's a 2d2n camp. Kinda unwilling to go knowing that so many of my peers will be diligently revising but... it's a compulsory camp and I suppose it is possible for me to create time for myself.
Argh. Right now I'm feeling kinda sleepy and not inclined to do work. Poofs.

A lot of things to do but I still feel like writing something! I think it's something to do with expectations...I'm half expecting myself to not finish, and half expecting myself to finish but sleep very late. So here I am.

I guess in these past few weeks I've felt the most 'myself', if myself can be used as an adjective. If I compare my current self to maybe JC, I think the JC self was not very self-aware. But now something feels different, I really know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing when I talk to my friends, I know what I'm doing when I decide to join a CCA, I know what I'm doing when I decide to ignore my alarm clock and sleep in. Little things like that. And I know what I'm doing when I decide to slack off for a few minutes like now. Haha. And I realize how clearly my emotions show on my face, and how clearly I can read my friends' expressions. Never used to take much notice of faces. But social cues seem much more obvious now.

Okay, back to work. I really want a time bank. I want to use all the time I wasted in my 8 month holiday right now!