I understand that phrase "between who I am and who I want to be" better now. I have this perfect-person image in my mind that I always work towards but always fall short of. At the end of the day, when I think things over, there are always things that I could have done better. They are things that are very trivial but they collectively create a constant niggling in the back of my mind that makes me slightly uneasy. I'm not stressed but is this how stress starts? I read somewhere that people accumulate stress in their heads and keep them there, until the stress affects their health because of all the bitterness that has formed in them. I don't want to be one of those bitter people. I want to put as much distance as possible between myself and all this bitterness. So, I need an outlet! I need to stop wondering about the perfect-person image. Maybe I should go running.

I think working is character-building stuff. I just need to settle myself down more and "anyhow whack" like my colleague advises me to. :D

I think I'm gonna do a reply to a few blogs I've just read. :)

I like my colleagues too. But I haven't totally let them into my life yet, I'm only friendly with them at work. After work... I forget about them mostly. I admire them for their tenacity, their helpfulness, their cheerfulness, etc. because different people impress me with different qualities. The childish me used to look down on customer service jobs or "boring admin jobs" because I thought they didn't require effort. Actually, they require lots of stamina and it's heartwarming to see my colleagues go the extra mile to pay attention to me and my endless questions (e.g. hi this guy called ...and what do I do?) and even joke around with me. It's my first day at the counter, that's why I asked lots of questions.

As for guys, I have almost zero knowledge about them. Today I suddenly felt glad that the world has so many females, because I can't bear the idea of having to be around guys too often. I think I can't relate as well to guys as I can to girls. Says the person who has never met a guy whom she can truly speak to about...my life, my views on life, etc. The closest I've reached is with my brother, but then again I don't speak about those things with him often.

And I'm still an anti-physical contact person. I still feel uncomfortable hugging my friends. Hugs are generally reserved for my mum. And friends, on special occasions or under special circumstances. And my brother, but those hugs are hugs designed to kill and express some warped sort of affection; they aren't actually normal hugs. But friends, it doesn't mean I don't like you. I like people in different ways. And I make an effort to not touch people unless it's by accident.

Now onto the subject of my looks. There are really many things that I would like to change about my physical appearance, of course. Who doesn't want to? For example, I'd like to have Megan Fox's figure and maybe Zhang Ziyi's face, and to get that I'll have to undergo thousands of plastic surgeries. Impossible. But I focus on the nice things about myself and hope other people see the same things as I do. People who judge others based solely on their looks are shallow and not worth bothering about. Unless they are your bosses or colleagues, and in that case, good luck to you, and quit that company as soon as you can. But it's highly unlikely because in a company people focus more on creativity and productivity and so on, so it is very unlikely that they judge you based on looks alone. And who said images are just about facial features and  body shapes? Looks are also about your dressing, the way in which you carry yourself, and the way you speak to others. And these are things you can control. So, I'm past caring about Megan Fox's figure and Zhang Ziyi's face. (Yes, confidence makes you a lot prettier/more handsome.)

Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the light
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

(Lyrics from "Under Pressure" by Queen)