Here's a song and a voice that I live for! :3


I love his voice. I'd love to hear him perform live one day. One glorious day in the future...

That's all, short post, nothing much to say...

I remember what my brother said about life being a gigantic shit-stirrer. I guess I see the same thing in my workplace to a smaller extent. I dislike what people do because of office politics. They are all trivial things and people haven't been doing mean things to each other, but I dislike the forced laughter and the forced closeness. I think I'm being pessimistic because most of the time people are genuinely sincere about joking and being silly with their colleagues. But a few times, it happens, and I don't like it. I guess this is part of growing up into an adult; you see more of such things happening. It's a little disheartening. Just a little. You must forgive me for thinking silly thoughts like this, because I grew up in a very idyll environment and I've been living in my own happy world for a while.

Back to talking about this shit idea. (haha) Shit is needed to fertilize our lives... Without what we do at work, a lot of people would miss out on what they now enjoy. So, we're doing good to some people out there.

I want my life back... I'm slowly getting it back! :) Since I'm taking so many half days in May. :) Today I actually wavered when my supervisor expressed dismay at my intention to extend until end May only. So I suggested that I could work from 20-30 June when I come back from my holiday. And she said "okay la...". I think she's fine with anything actually, whether I work or not. But when I went home I got scolded for being so soft-hearted! I guess I'll go back tomorrow and tell them I don't want to work after May.

Time to grow up and stand my ground. Hmm.

Other than what I've talked about, working is relaxing and good. It's a great holiday job. (But a little boring, you might want to try a more exciting environment.)

Hi friends, if some words are cut off, adjust text size in your browser to 100%. :)

Sometimes I read little fragments in books that give me deja vu. Here's one of them:

"... the world is at some sort of border; if it is crossed everything will turn to madness: people will walk the street holding forget-me-nots or kill one another on sight. And it will take very little for the glass to overflow, perhaps just one drop: perhaps just one car too many, or one person, or one decibel. There is a certain quantitative border that must not be crossed, yet no one stands guard over it and perhaps no one even realizes that it exists." 

(from "Immortality" by Milan Kundera)

I sometimes feel like I'm teetering on the edge of something, just like that. It usually happens when I'm stressed.

Second day of working at customer service:

I do feel a sense of satisfaction when I successfully answer a person's questions, but how much do I bother to help all these people? I don't care if I miss calls sometimes (I just let it ring), usually because there are other things to do. I'm reminded of a certain Grant Gustin (handsome Glee actor who has a huge Twitter following), who once said that he makes an effort to reply tweets because "it's good to make someone's day". I guess what he said is partly motivated by his desire to become as likeable as he can, but at the same time it's also a phrase to remember and learn from.

In my dreams, I will be a British rock singer with long hair I can swish around while singing, and I will wear tattered clothes and dance with my microphone on stage. British bands are so good! Especially those from the 90s, such as Oasis and Muse. 

Here's a rather unconventional music video (not to the extent which Lady Gaga's videos have reached):

She's not the typical female singer. :) The song is best appreciated together with the music video because I think the tune can be quite forgettable.

I understand that phrase "between who I am and who I want to be" better now. I have this perfect-person image in my mind that I always work towards but always fall short of. At the end of the day, when I think things over, there are always things that I could have done better. They are things that are very trivial but they collectively create a constant niggling in the back of my mind that makes me slightly uneasy. I'm not stressed but is this how stress starts? I read somewhere that people accumulate stress in their heads and keep them there, until the stress affects their health because of all the bitterness that has formed in them. I don't want to be one of those bitter people. I want to put as much distance as possible between myself and all this bitterness. So, I need an outlet! I need to stop wondering about the perfect-person image. Maybe I should go running.

I think working is character-building stuff. I just need to settle myself down more and "anyhow whack" like my colleague advises me to. :D

I think I'm gonna do a reply to a few blogs I've just read. :)

I like my colleagues too. But I haven't totally let them into my life yet, I'm only friendly with them at work. After work... I forget about them mostly. I admire them for their tenacity, their helpfulness, their cheerfulness, etc. because different people impress me with different qualities. The childish me used to look down on customer service jobs or "boring admin jobs" because I thought they didn't require effort. Actually, they require lots of stamina and it's heartwarming to see my colleagues go the extra mile to pay attention to me and my endless questions (e.g. hi this guy called ...and what do I do?) and even joke around with me. It's my first day at the counter, that's why I asked lots of questions.

As for guys, I have almost zero knowledge about them. Today I suddenly felt glad that the world has so many females, because I can't bear the idea of having to be around guys too often. I think I can't relate as well to guys as I can to girls. Says the person who has never met a guy whom she can truly speak to about...my life, my views on life, etc. The closest I've reached is with my brother, but then again I don't speak about those things with him often.

And I'm still an anti-physical contact person. I still feel uncomfortable hugging my friends. Hugs are generally reserved for my mum. And friends, on special occasions or under special circumstances. And my brother, but those hugs are hugs designed to kill and express some warped sort of affection; they aren't actually normal hugs. But friends, it doesn't mean I don't like you. I like people in different ways. And I make an effort to not touch people unless it's by accident.

Now onto the subject of my looks. There are really many things that I would like to change about my physical appearance, of course. Who doesn't want to? For example, I'd like to have Megan Fox's figure and maybe Zhang Ziyi's face, and to get that I'll have to undergo thousands of plastic surgeries. Impossible. But I focus on the nice things about myself and hope other people see the same things as I do. People who judge others based solely on their looks are shallow and not worth bothering about. Unless they are your bosses or colleagues, and in that case, good luck to you, and quit that company as soon as you can. But it's highly unlikely because in a company people focus more on creativity and productivity and so on, so it is very unlikely that they judge you based on looks alone. And who said images are just about facial features and  body shapes? Looks are also about your dressing, the way in which you carry yourself, and the way you speak to others. And these are things you can control. So, I'm past caring about Megan Fox's figure and Zhang Ziyi's face. (Yes, confidence makes you a lot prettier/more handsome.)

Why can't we give love that one more chance
Why can't we give love give love give love give love
give love give love give love give love give love
'Cause love's such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the light
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
Under pressure
Pressure

(Lyrics from "Under Pressure" by Queen)

I just read the article called "the top 5 regrets of the dying".
And then I tried to figure out again what I'd really like to do in my life. But then I realized that the reason why I still can't answer this question is because I haven't lived enough.
I don't think mugging is living, so I haven't really been living life.
Onward with life! Yes. No matter what crap I do at my work I'm just going to do it, because I find that work allows me to be with people, to learn about them, and to learn about myself.

Today my colleague (the more serious one) decided to chat with me and we ended up talking about how I was going to do the counter job soon. Then he said, you'll learn a lot at the counter because you deal with all sorts of people... ... ... I think you're kinda soft.
I was and still am a bit disturbed by this comment that I'm soft. No! I was annoyed when he said that but I tried not to show it. Hm, I'm gonna be tough and prove him (and other people?) wrong! I don't want to come across as a softie!!! >:(
After thinking about it, I realized that I don't exactly know what he meant by soft. Does it mean a) not grown up or b) easily persuaded?

Suddenly I feel like all the whining I did for the past 6 years was a little overblown. It was definitely stressful having to study but from where I am now, it feels like at least some of my angst was unfounded. In the place where I am now, my colleagues work and study at the same time: usual working hours, then evening classes until 10.30 pm. It sounds really tiring! And to think I'm complaining right now about how tired I can get at work!
Anyway, update: I decided to extend my contract till 30 June. It's a really good deal because my supervisors said I can take half days off for driving lessons. :) I think they just want at least a little more help. I'm rather amazed they want me to stay though. I don't feel that helpful around the office!
Also, apparently today my supervisor was hinting to me that I should try to be busier, or at least look busier! I totally didn't get the hint at all until I told my mum about it in passing, and she told me it was a really obvious hint. Oops? Haha. And my mum took this opportunity to say again: You're still a baby you know, you haven't grown up... Right. I guess there's some truth in what she's saying, but at least, I'm learning!
Sigh, I'm growing up. I'm actually learning the art of faking. Nooo... I want to remain a child!
Now that I'm working for longer hours, I better start planning out my time better so I can still have a life outside of work.

Celebrity news update: Lin Geng Xin is coming to Singapore! :D For 红星大奖.

So cute :3 Now why is Wu Qilong not coming? Or Kevin Cheng?
(picture from blogs.xin.sg)
And, here's a lovely song from Glee. Sung by Darren Criss (of course!) and Matt Bomer.


(feeling a little fluffy today)
Maybe ~ I don't really want to know
How your garden grows
Cos I just want to fly
Lately ~ Did you ever feel the pain
In the morning rain
As it soaks you to the bone


Maybe I just want to fly
I want to live I don't want to die
Maybe I just want to breathe
Maybe I just don't believe
Maybe you're the same as me
We see things they'll never see
You and I are gonna live forever.
(Extracted from lyrics of Live Forever for Oasis)

For work, I've been sitting in what used to be the Director's office. :) I think few other temps have as good a working environment as I do. Hahaha! :D
Update-- All my law interviews and tests are over! I've thrown everything behind me and now I'm hoping for the best. But if you think of it in another way, law might not actually be the "best" because I think I'd be a mugger if I studied law. If, let's say, I went to do Business instead, I'd probably be freer in university. So, everything has it's downsides. I'll try not to be upset if I don't get into Law. And as my mum explained, if I don't get into Law, it's not an indication of my abilities but rather it shows that my character doesn't match that of a lawyer's. Because (she added with a snigger) I am just too square-minded sometimes. Something happened during my nus law interview that totally betrayed my "square-mindedness". I shan't put it here, but if you ask me, I'll gladly tell you. Haha. What to do, I was born square!

I read an article in the Sunday Times about responsibility coming with freedom. The journalist wrote that she has postponed her plans to work overseas because her father's health is ailing and she wants to help look after him. I think I fully understand what the writer is talking about, because I made the same choice myself just a few months ago. With the freedom to choose my future path came the responsibility of starting to worry a bit more about my mum. I don't think I'm taking care of her currently like how that journalist is taking care of her dad (my mum is still fit and working), but I think I have a responsibility to see her regularly and let her know she is not alone at home. So I decided to abandon my plans (or wild dreams) of studying overseas. I guess going overseas for a few months to study/work is fine, such as going for exchange programmes, but not staying overseas for 4 years. I might be making myself sound very noble. But I don't think I am because I think another reason why I'm not going overseas to study is because I can't take care of myself that well. Yet! So, these are the real reasons why I'm not going overseas. On top of these reasons is just one more hiccup in my overseas uni applications: I applied for biology courses for all the uk universities and now I think I don't want to study science anymore. Heheh.

Today I realized that it wasn't work that was making me so tired, it was home! Because when I reach home the combined effect of the TV and sofa and bed is too much for me to bear, and it is all I can do to not plonk down on my bed to sleep immediately! Am I making sense? My main point is that I'm just being lazy so I'd like to cancel out all the angsty whining I did the past few days.

Work today was actually not too bad. A lot of sai kang but I decided that my colleagues are nice people, mostly. I also decided to slack more and not work so hard. ^^ 

I realized (again) that day that I have almost no lasting jc friendships. (Emphasis: almost!) And then I wondered if I was being heartless to have so few friends. But after that I concluded that there was no point in wondering about that. Because, well, maybe it takes a special affinity to become lasting friends. :)

One thing I'll have to gripe about is how the alarm clock wakes me up every morning. Here's a great quote from a book I'm reading:

"In this country people don't respect the morning. An alarm clock violently wakes them up, shatters their sleep like the blow of an ax, and they immediately surrender themselves to deadly haste. Can you tell me what kind of day can follow a beginning of such violence? What happens to people whose alarm clock daily gives them a small electric shock? Each day they become more used to violence and less used to pleasure. Believe me, it is the mornings that determine a man's character."

- From Farewell Waltz by Milan Kundera

WISE WORDS! That's why I snooze and wake up at the latest possible time every morning (and that's why I'm a little late for work every morning too). But I'm doing it all for peace. ^^v

What monsters work can transform us into. We get swamped by banal work everyday and we relieve stress by laughing about things that aren't very funny at all and by gossiping. Of course, laughter is the best medicine so there isn't any harm in that. Gossip is harmless chatter-- it can't hold a candle to (for example) school bullying and everyone gossips about everyone. But what work does to us is that it makes us stare with vacant eyes on the train as if we were lost sheep in life.
My main point is, it saps me of my energy and makes me want to become a lump of plasticine rather than whatever I've dreamed of being last time. And 'monsters' largely refers to myself because I get more defensive about issues and more touchy when my mum nags me about them. Usually when she 'nags' I listen and take in her advice, but today I started snapping at her a little more. :(
I wonder how my mum (and not just my mum, but other mums too) does it? How do they work and still manage to take care of their children?

I feel like there's a dirty great worm in me that I'm trying to awaken. Sometimes it raises its head sleepily to take in its surroundings, but it goes back to sleep soon after, uninterested in its environment. I spent the past week yearning sleep, yearning to lie down on my bed like a huge human-sized worm.
I really wonder when this worm came into existence.
ANYWAY I GOTTA GET MY ASS MOVING BYE!