Since I'm going to be 18 (give a few hours more cos I wasn't born at midnight) in half an hour's time, I shall award myself the luxury of blogging. :)
I was feeling quite kingly today, because my mum bought me a cake from Prima Deli and I got my first (early) present from poey. :D So I was reminiscing about the day and about being 18 and feeling quite kingly.
After all, 18 means that I can learn how to drive, drink alcohol, and watch M18 movies. I think I'm only interested in the last privilege. I can watch No Strings Attached. Although it's probably off the cinemas by now and I also don't have much time.
I was also thinking about my brother's friend who celebrated her birthday a while ago. When I asked my brother why he didn't bring any present to her birthday party, he said all she wanted the guests at her party to do was donate to her mission trip. No need for presents.
Inspiring? I think doing what she did takes a lot of selflessness. She's in medicine school, so she's probably really busy with her revision and attachments. But she still has the mental and emotional capacity to plan for a mission trip and sacrifice her birthday presents for it as well. (Of course, looking forward to birthday presents sounds really childish. But you won't deny that they mean something to you.) I cannot imagine myself doing what she did, without any reservations, without thinking wistfully of the new presents I could have gotten, no matter how useless the presents are.
On a side note my brother says she won the most outstanding youth award a while ago. Good choice.
Also I think I got the flu that's going around band now. Wtp. Or maybe I got it from my brother. Gege if you're reading this now FEEL EXTREMELY GUILTY. (Although I still hope you are enjoying yourself and have recovered from your flu.)
I was also thinking about how gullible I really am. Just today I got taken in by xx, at least for a few moments. Then when I stepped out I realized, so what is the point of all that I agreed to do? My mum almost snorted with disdain when I told her and she said she wasn't taken in at all, right from when xx started to talk.
This makes me think of KI and how it teaches us that people lie (at least for this topic, i.e. Society and its Abuses of Science) through a professional means called Public Relations. Reading notes about PR made me feel quite smart and worldly. But I realized today that being smart is no use; you've got to put the smartness into action too.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Aha! A week since I've blogged! This is an achievement.
It's really hard to get started on my KI and I'm trying to start now by warming up my fingers on the keyboard.
Main events of the week...
1. Sent my brother off at the airport (he's going to India for 5 weeks)
Although he is irritating and boring at times (as I've told him, earning myself a rather firm head grip given by him or whatever-you-call-that), his absence will not go unnoticed. I'm sure he will miss me. :D Not now, not later, but eventually. :)
2. Screwed up Econs test really really really badly.
Even though I studied harder than I usually do for Econs. 8( Maybe it doesn't help to study for Econs...
Nothing else. Either I have really poor memory or nothing really happened. And because events 1 and 2 both happened on Friday, I am quite convinced that I have short-term memory.
I just watched all the fac dances. But none of them beats Ares fac dance '10. Woot! I think Athena was really coordinated that's why they won.
This is such a mundane post. Goodbye.
By the way, I am very convinced now that one of my major faults is procrastination. (but is it always a fault? :) )
On a side note, I also think that another one of my faults is the tendency to regret my choices. But since I'm already aware of this other fault, I think I can minimize it by reminding myself not to regret.
C'mon and live life baby, KI is going to bite your behind!
See, I wanted to end the post, but I ended up typing for what, 2 more paragraphs? Procrastination much.
It's really hard to get started on my KI and I'm trying to start now by warming up my fingers on the keyboard.
Main events of the week...
1. Sent my brother off at the airport (he's going to India for 5 weeks)
Although he is irritating and boring at times (as I've told him, earning myself a rather firm head grip given by him or whatever-you-call-that), his absence will not go unnoticed. I'm sure he will miss me. :D Not now, not later, but eventually. :)
2. Screwed up Econs test really really really badly.
Even though I studied harder than I usually do for Econs. 8( Maybe it doesn't help to study for Econs...
Nothing else. Either I have really poor memory or nothing really happened. And because events 1 and 2 both happened on Friday, I am quite convinced that I have short-term memory.
I just watched all the fac dances. But none of them beats Ares fac dance '10. Woot! I think Athena was really coordinated that's why they won.
This is such a mundane post. Goodbye.
By the way, I am very convinced now that one of my major faults is procrastination. (but is it always a fault? :) )
On a side note, I also think that another one of my faults is the tendency to regret my choices. But since I'm already aware of this other fault, I think I can minimize it by reminding myself not to regret.
C'mon and live life baby, KI is going to bite your behind!
See, I wanted to end the post, but I ended up typing for what, 2 more paragraphs? Procrastination much.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
I see things in people that I don't like. I cannot appreciate the things I see.
And then I think to myself: I'm actually like that too. I have issues as well. So there isn't much reason to complain.
So I'll be more accepting of my surroundings. If I choose not to take action to change the situation, so be it. It's a choice I'll stay with. If I do act on it, well congratulations because I have tried.
I'm a deer in the headlights. You know what I mean? I see a really daunting task ahead of me and my mind stalls. It's happening this very second. I think the nerve impulses that direct the diligent part of my brain have gotten blocked somewhere.
A sea of indifference, teetering waves of hesitation, whirlpools of disappointment. Still, there are twinkling specks of sunlight bouncing off the face of the sea. There is hope for the fishes.
ASDF shall put aside emotions and let the rational and intellectual side take over bye.
And then I think to myself: I'm actually like that too. I have issues as well. So there isn't much reason to complain.
So I'll be more accepting of my surroundings. If I choose not to take action to change the situation, so be it. It's a choice I'll stay with. If I do act on it, well congratulations because I have tried.
I'm a deer in the headlights. You know what I mean? I see a really daunting task ahead of me and my mind stalls. It's happening this very second. I think the nerve impulses that direct the diligent part of my brain have gotten blocked somewhere.
A sea of indifference, teetering waves of hesitation, whirlpools of disappointment. Still, there are twinkling specks of sunlight bouncing off the face of the sea. There is hope for the fishes.
ASDF shall put aside emotions and let the rational and intellectual side take over bye.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
It's feels good when I talk to someone instead of blogging.
Especially when she agrees with you. :)
So I just purged all my worries and frustrations out to my mum. It wasn't an emo-ing session, it was more of a matter-of-fact delivery of my opinions of stuff happening.
I feel so worried about my brain and all the deadlines I have to meet. Yes ironically I'm here. And fittingly, my brother just came in and told me that he has allocated me a maximum of 15 minutes of recreational computer time everyday.
Anyway so here's a quick chop up of my own takeaways from agonizing with my mum.
Rely on yourself.
And when all seems like it has become stagnant and dead, and you feel like you're just going through the motions, you wake your brain up. And try to find the beauty in things. Even complex numbers can be beautiful.
Yes, frankly, I feel like I haven't used my brain since the start of this year. It's a far cry from times long passed.
So when you feel demoralised, there will be things along the way that can infinitely cheer you up. Simple things. A smile, a wave, teasing people, a hug, your favourite drink, looking at people with good fashion sense or cute faces. Weird, I know. But everyone is.
And my point to myself is all this fantasizing is very good but I hope something fruitful comes out of it. Like GOING TO DO MY HOMEWORK AFTER 654323456 MINUTES OF SLACKING.
Sometimes I feel so tired. Physically.
I shall go and fulfil my promise to myself now!
Especially when she agrees with you. :)
So I just purged all my worries and frustrations out to my mum. It wasn't an emo-ing session, it was more of a matter-of-fact delivery of my opinions of stuff happening.
I feel so worried about my brain and all the deadlines I have to meet. Yes ironically I'm here. And fittingly, my brother just came in and told me that he has allocated me a maximum of 15 minutes of recreational computer time everyday.
Anyway so here's a quick chop up of my own takeaways from agonizing with my mum.
Rely on yourself.
And when all seems like it has become stagnant and dead, and you feel like you're just going through the motions, you wake your brain up. And try to find the beauty in things. Even complex numbers can be beautiful.
Yes, frankly, I feel like I haven't used my brain since the start of this year. It's a far cry from times long passed.
So when you feel demoralised, there will be things along the way that can infinitely cheer you up. Simple things. A smile, a wave, teasing people, a hug, your favourite drink, looking at people with good fashion sense or cute faces. Weird, I know. But everyone is.
And my point to myself is all this fantasizing is very good but I hope something fruitful comes out of it. Like GOING TO DO MY HOMEWORK AFTER 654323456 MINUTES OF SLACKING.
Sometimes I feel so tired. Physically.
I shall go and fulfil my promise to myself now!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Kay since I allotted myself some break time (unwisely or not, I shall not bother to judge) I shall come here despite having blogged a lot these few days! I hope I can reduce my blogging time during weekdays. :E
Hokkien might sound coarse and beng. But it has its sentimental side. Just watch Ai and you'll know. The songs are really nice, and they speak volumes.
So. Don't be too quick to judge working adults and housewives who make it a point to watch Ai everyday. People like my mum, me, my bro, and my aunts! Hahah. We're all putting our literature skills into practice.
I shall prove my point. Listen to this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15hb8iICbeg&feature=related Okay it's not Hokkien but...! Okay I think I'm really praising the old Chinese songs. And old-fashioned dramas too.
And here's a bit of the song:
把悲伤留给自己by 陈升
能不能让我陪着你走
既然你说留不住你
回去的路有些黑暗
担心让你一个人走
我想是因为我不够温柔
不能分担你的忧愁
如果这样说不出口
就把遗憾放在心中
把我的悲伤留给自己你的美丽让你带走
从此以后我再没有快乐起来的理由
我想我可以忍住悲伤可不可以你也会想起我
Band was quite satisfying today. It's easier and also better for your morale to follow someone when playing. (duh)
And the one of the main things I learnt after joining band. Instruments are really hard to get in tune. You can play an instrument for 4 years and still not be able to play the chromatic scale in tune. So give bands all round the world more credit for being able to sound melodious. They really put in their sweat and blood into playing the songs they perform; they don't just come together and play the song like that. Watch more classical music performances! :)
Okay, Monday is Friendship Day. ^_^
I'll treasure my time in school. I'll whine all I want but after that I'll remember that ultimately, I want to spend my last year in a proper school in the best way I can.
I want to add in a "I luurrve you all and everyone else! Wootz!" but it's really unlike me. But there, you get the point. :)
Hokkien might sound coarse and beng. But it has its sentimental side. Just watch Ai and you'll know. The songs are really nice, and they speak volumes.
So. Don't be too quick to judge working adults and housewives who make it a point to watch Ai everyday. People like my mum, me, my bro, and my aunts! Hahah. We're all putting our literature skills into practice.
I shall prove my point. Listen to this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15hb8iICbeg&feature=related Okay it's not Hokkien but...! Okay I think I'm really praising the old Chinese songs. And old-fashioned dramas too.
And here's a bit of the song:
把悲伤留给自己by 陈升
能不能让我陪着你走
既然你说留不住你
回去的路有些黑暗
担心让你一个人走
我想是因为我不够温柔
不能分担你的忧愁
如果这样说不出口
就把遗憾放在心中
把我的悲伤留给自己你的美丽让你带走
从此以后我再没有快乐起来的理由
我想我可以忍住悲伤可不可以你也会想起我
Band was quite satisfying today. It's easier and also better for your morale to follow someone when playing. (duh)
And the one of the main things I learnt after joining band. Instruments are really hard to get in tune. You can play an instrument for 4 years and still not be able to play the chromatic scale in tune. So give bands all round the world more credit for being able to sound melodious. They really put in their sweat and blood into playing the songs they perform; they don't just come together and play the song like that. Watch more classical music performances! :)
Okay, Monday is Friendship Day. ^_^
I'll treasure my time in school. I'll whine all I want but after that I'll remember that ultimately, I want to spend my last year in a proper school in the best way I can.
I want to add in a "I luurrve you all and everyone else! Wootz!" but it's really unlike me. But there, you get the point. :)
Friday, February 11, 2011
Wow, today was quite awesome :D It felt quite like a 2nd orientation. Juniors seem to get high more easily than our batch (?) and the campfire light-up was really pretty.
And I can't really describe how I felt when I saw everyone bouncing along to all the orientation songs... felt warmed, nostalgic, ... so much so that after that I took part in sodache of my own accord! It's like when you take part in it as a j1 you don't really think much of it, last time I even thought it was a little silly. But this year I really felt like a part of the orientation! (even though only a handful of classmates/friends around) Gonna come back next year. :)
And two very different people told me tonight at orientation that if they could go back to j1 they would have done things differently, made different decisions. I can identify with that.
I'm not going to forget today in a hurry!
Today I was quite cui at band, cui-er than usual,hehs. I never seem to be able to tell when the conductor needs the euphoniums to play. And the notes couldn't come out right today. And our junior didn't come so of course euphos didn't sound too good today. And I was kind of looking forward to going to campfire that's why ^_^
And I can't really describe how I felt when I saw everyone bouncing along to all the orientation songs... felt warmed, nostalgic, ... so much so that after that I took part in sodache of my own accord! It's like when you take part in it as a j1 you don't really think much of it, last time I even thought it was a little silly. But this year I really felt like a part of the orientation! (even though only a handful of classmates/friends around) Gonna come back next year. :)
And two very different people told me tonight at orientation that if they could go back to j1 they would have done things differently, made different decisions. I can identify with that.
I'm not going to forget today in a hurry!
Today I was quite cui at band, cui-er than usual,hehs. I never seem to be able to tell when the conductor needs the euphoniums to play. And the notes couldn't come out right today. And our junior didn't come so of course euphos didn't sound too good today. And I was kind of looking forward to going to campfire that's why ^_^
Thursday, February 10, 2011
BLAHxinfinity today was such a sleepy/boring day that I wanted to hide my head in a hole. I think leess saw me about to fall asleep with my eyes half-closed.
And I went to check my scores, not very good. Was trying to comfort myself and make myself content, which is what I regularly used to do. I think I still do it now. But apparently it's not good to be content! There's some truth in that. Trying to make peace with yourself is not always good because you end up accepting all the bad things about yourself and the world. And you become disillusioned: oh my, am I really that horrible? Let's just stay with that, because I AM that horrible. Oh my, is the world really so hopeless? That's the way it is. I can't change that, it's just a dark and dreary place. It's just running away from your faults and everything else that's bad.
I'm not really upset about the scores actually. It's just a trigger for all these thoughts.
Slightly unsettled and at a loss now. It's not like I'm facing a post-teen crisis. This is not a major problem. It's just that I know there's work to be done, but I don't know where to start. Especially KI. And everything else basically!
Sometimes I think I'm a person with such horrible habits and I comfort myself and think, that's the way I am. If I force myself to change I'd sacrifice my happiness. But seriously, is all this pampering the way to go? I don't know. Maybe I should implement drastic measures. That I would make myself follow.
I should stop listening to other people and implement my own standards and come up with a lifestyle. I should stop my impromptu planning everyday.
This might sound grand but don't expect to see any drastic changes in me.
I also feel somewhat at a loss, although that's in the bigger scheme of things. I don't know where I want to go after JC. I wouldn't mind staying here, but if there's another choice out there, out of Singapore, why not? Although I suppose the place you study at doesn't really matter, as long as you've got the determination you could succeed anywhere. If I go overseas, I'm sure it will be a life-changing experience because I would be fending for myself in a foreign place, probably alone. Settling all the bills, the laundry, meals, accommodation, visiting a doctor by myself, getting winter clothing, etc. And when I think of all these I always picture myself getting swindled somehow or the other. By different people.
If I stay here, I would definitely have an easier life.
I haven't come to a conclusion, of course. I think I will once I've settled on a course. What? Social Science? Biology? I can't picture my future self working in a lab though.
But the thing about being young is, it's not about what you can't see. It's about...possibilities.
I could be annoyed or frustrated about all this decision-making now, but I think when I'm all grown-up I'll look back on these times with fondness. Imagine being young, with all the world laid out in front of you, and everywhere you could go! Imagine being old, having some paths well-trodden, and some paths left abandoned in your memory.
Basically, even if you don't have a dream, it's still quite a nice feeling to be able to wonder, to imagine. In this sense I feel I'm fortunate. If I grew up in a poorer country, I would probably not have the luxury of pondering over my education like this. For this I'm grateful.
Setting your own standards takes a lot of believing in yourself, and knowing what you really want to dedicate your life to. I could believe in myself more. I could search harder for that thing I would really be passionate about. It takes time. But I'm worried it takes too much time, and imagine if I'm 50 years old and I'm still trying to decide.
Is it just myself the problem lies with, or is it because I'm limiting my dreams to the few that society deems elite?
Gotta keep afloat everyday. Some days are simply delightful, some are downright tiring. I perk up best when I talk to people.
!@#$ just spent like 1 hour typing all this and surfing the Net and not doing any work.
And I went to check my scores, not very good. Was trying to comfort myself and make myself content, which is what I regularly used to do. I think I still do it now. But apparently it's not good to be content! There's some truth in that. Trying to make peace with yourself is not always good because you end up accepting all the bad things about yourself and the world. And you become disillusioned: oh my, am I really that horrible? Let's just stay with that, because I AM that horrible. Oh my, is the world really so hopeless? That's the way it is. I can't change that, it's just a dark and dreary place. It's just running away from your faults and everything else that's bad.
I'm not really upset about the scores actually. It's just a trigger for all these thoughts.
Slightly unsettled and at a loss now. It's not like I'm facing a post-teen crisis. This is not a major problem. It's just that I know there's work to be done, but I don't know where to start. Especially KI. And everything else basically!
Sometimes I think I'm a person with such horrible habits and I comfort myself and think, that's the way I am. If I force myself to change I'd sacrifice my happiness. But seriously, is all this pampering the way to go? I don't know. Maybe I should implement drastic measures. That I would make myself follow.
I should stop listening to other people and implement my own standards and come up with a lifestyle. I should stop my impromptu planning everyday.
This might sound grand but don't expect to see any drastic changes in me.
I also feel somewhat at a loss, although that's in the bigger scheme of things. I don't know where I want to go after JC. I wouldn't mind staying here, but if there's another choice out there, out of Singapore, why not? Although I suppose the place you study at doesn't really matter, as long as you've got the determination you could succeed anywhere. If I go overseas, I'm sure it will be a life-changing experience because I would be fending for myself in a foreign place, probably alone. Settling all the bills, the laundry, meals, accommodation, visiting a doctor by myself, getting winter clothing, etc. And when I think of all these I always picture myself getting swindled somehow or the other. By different people.
If I stay here, I would definitely have an easier life.
I haven't come to a conclusion, of course. I think I will once I've settled on a course. What? Social Science? Biology? I can't picture my future self working in a lab though.
But the thing about being young is, it's not about what you can't see. It's about...possibilities.
I could be annoyed or frustrated about all this decision-making now, but I think when I'm all grown-up I'll look back on these times with fondness. Imagine being young, with all the world laid out in front of you, and everywhere you could go! Imagine being old, having some paths well-trodden, and some paths left abandoned in your memory.
Basically, even if you don't have a dream, it's still quite a nice feeling to be able to wonder, to imagine. In this sense I feel I'm fortunate. If I grew up in a poorer country, I would probably not have the luxury of pondering over my education like this. For this I'm grateful.
Setting your own standards takes a lot of believing in yourself, and knowing what you really want to dedicate your life to. I could believe in myself more. I could search harder for that thing I would really be passionate about. It takes time. But I'm worried it takes too much time, and imagine if I'm 50 years old and I'm still trying to decide.
Is it just myself the problem lies with, or is it because I'm limiting my dreams to the few that society deems elite?
Gotta keep afloat everyday. Some days are simply delightful, some are downright tiring. I perk up best when I talk to people.
!@#$ just spent like 1 hour typing all this and surfing the Net and not doing any work.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoQ2yiS1lsY&NR=1 Wonderful! :)
Today was quite a fun but weird day. Fun and weird first, then weird. Okay. Feels odd now, having a holiday all of a sudden, and going to visit relatives I haven't seen in a year. I kind of miss lessons. Omg.
If I were not in band, I would go join choir. I wish I could sing like a soprano!
Today was quite a fun but weird day. Fun and weird first, then weird. Okay. Feels odd now, having a holiday all of a sudden, and going to visit relatives I haven't seen in a year. I kind of miss lessons. Omg.
If I were not in band, I would go join choir. I wish I could sing like a soprano!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I actually have a plan of work somewhere but I'm letting myself off today, since it's the eve of cny eve. o:
What if I'm losing my past? And all I have is the present? What if...?
Well but I suppose the past must always be lost. You can't recreate it again. You might replay it in your mind but all you will recollect is a haze of images and emotions you once had.
The past might be found in the future, if you return to it every once in a while in the present.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4QQI8Uv1m8 Nice song, I can't say I identify with the lyrics now, although I might have at certain points in time last time.
But I think the lyrics show how life continues even though it has set you back.
What if I'm losing my past? And all I have is the present? What if...?
Well but I suppose the past must always be lost. You can't recreate it again. You might replay it in your mind but all you will recollect is a haze of images and emotions you once had.
The past might be found in the future, if you return to it every once in a while in the present.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4QQI8Uv1m8 Nice song, I can't say I identify with the lyrics now, although I might have at certain points in time last time.
But I think the lyrics show how life continues even though it has set you back.
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