Happy teachers' day.

The celebration at hc was quite nice, I think the bands should perform more often! Teachers' performance was...amusing.

Then went around giving out gifts, staffroom was jammed hoho.

Went back to NY, saw some teachers.

Ate lunch.

Spent time with thirteeners :)

Stayed at island creamery/mac's for a few hours solving situational puzzles by elsa. They creeped me out a bit but I soon got out of the chills.

Brain stalled after solving so many puzzles.

Went home!

Mug time for 5 weeks. Mum and bro have been reminding me of the need to get off the computer and stop slacking.

Bye bye.

:)

Friday comes! It came like an arrow. At least it didn't pierce me. Uh whatever i donno what i'm saying.

Anyway, today's CT session was quite an interesting one,relatively. A senior got invited back, and given his really unique name I recognized him as my bro's ex-classmate/friend. Okay, comments on his talk.

On the whole it was like a load of tosh. It's because many motivational talks are like tosh. But I did take away quite a few things from it:

1) He talked about helping friends out.

It really made me reflect on the spot how I regard my friends, and how I think I'm helping them but maybe in actuality my 'help' might just words and no action. Made me think about old friends and new friends.

2) He talked about portfolios.

He said that having a long portfolio wasn't the key, the key was the quality of our experiences. Like 1 entry on our CV is enough if we really learnt a lot from it.

3) He talked about studying!

Oh my. Okay, studying= taking baby steps, revising bit by bit, and finally you emerge a winner and pwn.

He says that we should all go for consultations frequently because teachers teach better one-on-one. And I really agree because I've finally gone for KI consultation and it was really quite effective.

Wow I'm really sleepy now and my brain is like half-melted ice-cream, floppy and squishy and mashable and ......

Just came home from band dinner, thought I should go cos it's the last practice until promos. Went there, ate a hot fudge sundae, squished it around, stirred the fudge, stared around at potential new juniors and batchmates, and thought to myself how nice it would be if i could spend the night at Mac's cos I didn't feel like moving. Only time I was really talking was when I was telling my neighbour how amused I was at the tuba guy from high school. LOLZ. I think I was a bit loud cos a few people around looked at me and started staring at tuba guy too. HAHAHZ.

I'm eating my real dinner in front of computer nowz.

I think I get more reclusive with age.

Last time in social situations I was all bright-eyed and waiting for chances to chirp (i mean chat) with new people, really eager to make new friends. Now I'm not like that. I'm not saying I don't like making new friends now, I'm just more... inactive...inert...

But I derive more satisfaction/happiness just talking to 1 or 2 people, even if they are not my close friends, but just friends, or acquaintances.

Today Teacher looked rather unhappy. Was a tad scared. I'm scared of unhappy strangers. Anyway. That was because Teacher was worried.

Sigh things are getting so intense it's 5 weeks to promos.

Okay I will have a good night's sleep.

原来，老师也有emo的一面！在学校奋斗成绩的时候，痛苦的不只是学生。其实，老师也为我们非常担心。之前并没有领悟到这个事实。只是日日夜夜想着自己要做什么功课，要和朋友做些什么，或者要吃什么。今天，终于领悟到了！

哎，这就是教育的过程！

--------------

Anyway, I still love school.

　

Sigh...

For the past few days I was feeling fine. I felt like I was in control of everything. I was perpetually in a good mood.

Today, all this disappeared, and it was already like that in the morning.

Feeling tired, flabbergasted, stressed. I just want to run to Antarctica and hibernate there till next year...

I don't know why I'm feeling like that today. It's like what Jess said. But I think I'll feel better after babbling about on this post.

Everything's moving so fast. Everyone, everything is a blur. Zoom. It's Wednesday. Wasn't it Sunday yesterday? I always feel surprised when somebody tells me the date nowadays. And there are many things to do. Which is why I'm not supposed to be here, because all this is just a waste of time that could be productive. Whateverr..

I miss CCA. Surprisingly. I've never been able to miss CCA. It's the first time in my life that I feel myself missing CCA. I think it's because a) music is fun and b) it adds diversity to my week in school.

People around me are feeling stressed/emo. They don't say it, but I see it. It's written all over their faces.

"I'm stressed. I need to vent my feelings out, but I don't know how" is what their eyes say.

or "I'm tired"

or "I need to be somewhere else now"

or "I don't know what I'm doing"

or "I'm not doing enough"

And I cannot do anything, because I don't know what problems they have run into that day, and it would be weird if I shove myself into their faces and say "Cheer up. Now. Or I eat you."

My mum was making me worried yesterday by saying I look like an auntie rather than a 17 year-old. She was saying all that to make me sleep earlier as I found out afterwards. She says sleeping at 1 am everyday will take the youth out of my eyes and make me lose hair and give me lots of pimples. And soon strangers will call me Da Jie or auntie rather than Xiao Mei. -.-

Opportunities are so rare and few. I've finally understood what this means. I once thought that being in relatively good schools almost all my life should mean that opportunities knock on my door everyday. How wrong I was.

Was doing homework just now with Mum.

Me: Mummy, I don't want to grow uppppppppppppp~~

Mum: Growing up's good what, can get married!

Me: (o_O?!) Huh. I just want to stay a student all my life!

Mum: Yah, actually being a student is very good because you have no worries.

Yup true. Given the fact that so many students are so emo nowadays, I dread what "worries" there are outside school, waiting for us to grow up so they can plant themselves into our minds.

Saw an email from my SL to confirm if we're going for band trip. Immediately thought about OCIP (!) so I went to SMB and lo and behold the results were out! Skipped a breath and wondered if I'd be selected. My intuition told me no. Anyway I clicked on the results and my intuition proved right.

First feeling was disappointment, second thought was 'yay can go for band trip'!

Why I didn't get in:

1. Interview performance not good enough

2. Teachers thought I should just go for band

Cos the teachers kept asking me if I'd be able to commit to both band and OCIP since both were in Dec...

----

I got slapped with 4 demerit points for not going to school! Cos of HFMD! You all should check your discipline records too.

I don't think you all might have seen this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NGSl3CldFY&feature=related

If you're feeling tired or depressed, this will cheer you up! :)

Usually I'll have passed out on the bed by now given that it's a Friday night but I feel quite energetic today. ^_^ Anyway I'm now slacking and waiting for my hair to dry.

Band was fun today. Somehow I felt less stressed than other times, maybe because the conductor was nice and making mistakes didn't make me feel like the room was going to implode with me in it...... And wow my junior who quit Guides last time is in band and playing the euphonium too! How cool is that.

Anyway I had fun talking to those two eupho juniors, one on my left and one on my right. Not BFF kind of talk, but just neighbour-talk! You get what I mean.

It's odd calling them juniors because they are all way pro-er than me! >_>

Leng was being his (usual?) hyper self, spewing hair jokes and pinching his tummy (which is really not quite there). ^^ And there was this senior hcband guy who came back. He used to play the French Horn. Pling that's your grandsenior or greatgrandsenior. Anyway the best part is that he showed us a magic trick. Quite cool...

Yay I like band. It's not because I feel at home with everyone in there... in fact I only speak to a few people there... some in my section, and all the newbies... ya. But it's fun because I just like making music.

(Even though some notes I play can be classified as fart sounds x) )

And fun because there are sections! It's easier to make friends when we split into sections.

We play Pigalle today (potential SYF piece) and it's really quite an... exhilarating piece... and I sit right in front of the timpani (some drum) so there's a thing behind me going BOOM almost all the time and it feels like there's hordes of elephants behind me.

So yep, it was a good decision to join band.

Might not be in exco, but that doesn't really matter anymore.

Stuff about leadership have long escaped me... I don't feel like I can fit Leadership anywhere into my life or my mind anymore. Everything that I've heard or hear about it now just sounds really fake. Whatever. Anyway, point being, band is fun.

I would like to go to Genting! PleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePlease i hope that the genting trip can be shifted back 2 days so I can go with the band!!!

PleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePlease i hope that the genting trip can be shifted back 2 days so I can go with the band!!!

PleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePleasePlease i hope that the genting trip can be shifted back 2 days so I can go with the band!!!

Cos they clash.

That is if I get into OCIP lah. >_>

------

So I was feeling quite doubtful of myself yesterday. But maybe the best answer to doubt would be to look to the future and imagine it as one which is full of promise.

Doubt

I achieved something and it surpassed my expectations. I felt happy. But then I looked back on all the help I received that I wasn't supposed to get. Many other people didn't get help at all.

Then I look back at the achievement and I don't feel so great anymore.

I hope that I can surpass my expectations next time, only with the help that I am supposed to receive.

Mmmmph.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMUvVBrbd6o

How awesome! That's super high for a euphonium!

Shall aim to expand my playing range on the euphonium.

Oh and it's not just his playing range. It's also all the coordination...

Felt very tired today, especially during KI which was spent talking about Justified True Belief, which is quite a tedious and abstract topic, so most of the time I was just listening to Mr Tan, copying notes with eyes half-closed and mouth hanging open. Felt tired the whole day lah, I think I should stop sleeping at 1 am everyday... Yesterday was terrible, I didn't do anything much and my computer decided that it couldn't sleep at 1 am everyday also so it decided to lag and lag and lag. Anyway today I've made a half a pledge to concentrate on my work as best as I can. I will slack until 8.15 pm!

I feel quite silly.

Emotions are so volatile. One day you could be having a laughing fit with some people, and the next day when you meet them both of you behave like strangers.

Was watching ai4 with my mum just now, it's really quite funny, it's like whenever somebody moves there's a different sound effect. It's like watching different characters in a video game. Taiwan dramas are super funny.

Oh my, I'm swimming in a sea of emo-ness, and I'm not the one who's emo~~

Hahah.

Why huh. I bet it's the hormones and mood swings and homework.

It's an emo night, for 2 people, and maybe more.....

zzz whatever OMG MY LIT REVIEW

so sweet. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O1KsGtMZ9HI

lit review goal: mian3 qiang3 finish it tmrw!

Oh mannn I am depressed all the band people went to sign up for cambodia which doesn't clash with genting trip but I signed up for vietnam which clashes with the trip! But I didn't know about the dates when I signed up for vietnam! ZZZ! And I'm the only one!

Aiyaaaaa very sad now I don't know which one I prefer I WANT TO GO FOR BOTH!

vietnam 21 to 30 nov, genting 29 nov to 2 dec. Maybe I can fly from vietnam to genting alone.

Honestly, a part of myself says I should stop thinking about other stuff/ blogging and get on with PW and Vectors, but I don't care even though I might regret this, very soon. Whatever......

School, school, school. Work, worry, emo, work, happiness, emo again, work, work, worry, work, sleep. And the cycle repeats.
I'm not complaining about work. Everyone does work. Without work I cannot have any dreams of the future. So work is essential.

But what's missing from the cycle? Family time. I find it odd because my PW is about encouraging family bonding and here I am writing about it. Wow PW has integrated itself into my thoughts. Whatever......

It's a non-stop cycle, which leaves us with almost no time for sincere, heart-to-heart communication with our family. I almost feel like I'm living in a hostel.

I see my Mum the most often. For me and my mum, we're generally fine. She doesn't act her age. That's a compliment. ;)

But sometimes I feel like I've shoved her down the priority list, and maybe neglected her feelings-- come on, everyone wants feel appreciated, and sometimes I fail to give that appreciation. But she's understanding, she doesn't say anything.

My brother is a weird character. This isn't an insult and it's half a compliment. Like all older brothers he likes to bully little sisters no matter how grown-up they are, like when they are 17 years old. Apparently bullying is a form of stress relief and a form of affection. Right. That's the side of him I see the most.

The rest is hidden behind a veil, and that veil is his blog, which is really quite nice to read at times, but is also very cryptic.

Maybe that's why it's nice-- the reason why literature is nice is because it's ambiguous.

What would family life be like if we lived in the Stone Age? When things didn't move so fast, and we weren't so busy?

Okay that question is damn weird I can imagine my mum reading this post and saying SIAO! But hah i didn't give her my blog link.

But you get my meaning right. I think we'd all look inwards more and have many more happy times with our families.

-----

I spent my day being restless while doing maths and generally getting quite annoyed with vectors and then I came here to do PW. Why's my day so short. zzz.

This weekend POOFed, I didn't do anything useful at all.

-----

Then again, band farewell was on Saturday, it was quite fun. Although I wasn't really part of the action (action=camwhoring) I could feel that bittersweet atmosphere and there was a general feeling of content in the air, the kind of contentment you get by knowing that all has not ended and there is still this entity called HCBand that we can all pledge our allegiance to no matter where each of us has gone.

Right I sound like I'm the one graduating. Because I was usually sitting and looking about me I had a lot of time (and some fun) observing seniors around the room. The hyper ones were playing with mikes and singing to songs; the quiet ones were sitting together, in pairs or threes, and talking softly and earnestly, the rest were running around with cameras and taking lots of pictures.

Apparently my grandsenior of the Euphonium also learnt the Euphonium only in JC1, so my senior said that since he/she could learn it in time for SYF (?), we could too, oh yeah.

-----

Given that the first section of the post was really quite emo-ish, I think I should remind myself that all is not lost, because I actually inserted a "happiness" in the middle of the Cycle of School, and I also said I "almost" feel like I'm living in a hostel, so yes, my house still feels like a home.

-----

KAY BYE MY BRAIN SCREAMS ENOUGH BECAUSE IT WANTS TO EAT VECTORS AND THEN GO TO SLEEP.

Oh my reached home so so late today, at 11.30 pm. Filming farewell video in school after band, getting spooked myself at the shadows all around us and the theme of our video... which is murder by veggies... -.-

So mum waited up till 11.30 pm for me... :X sorry mum...

And for dinner we ate instant noodles. There weren't forks or chopsticks. So we tore plastic wrappers and used them is spoons/levers/shovels and ate the noodles. ^^ Now I'm hungry.

The seniors better appreciate all that we've done for farewell!

I'm starting to see different people in different lights but it doesn't mean anything much it just means I'm spending alot of time with these friends and I'm starting to probably know them more.

Okay I'm going to be lame and take a personality test.

I'm an ISFP! last time i was isfp then i changed to infp and here i am again

Full ISFP Profile (info, people, careers...)
Extraverted Introverted 37% 63% Sensing Intuition 53% 47% Thinking Feeling 32% 68% Judging Perceiving 37% 63%

Intrapersonal

85%

Musical

75%

Verbal/Linguistic

70%

Naturalist

60%

Interpersonal

45%

Bodily/Kinesthetic

45%

Logical/Mathematical

40%

Visual/Spatial

30%

kk goodnight zzz

All this comparing is unnecessary. It only causes more dissatisfaction with yourself and makes you disillusioned. Most of the time, we shouldn’t use others as a benchmark but yourself as a benchmark. If we don’t believe in ourselves as a benchmark then it means that we’ve lost our way in the pursuit of achievement, and we’re just following the people around us blindly, without knowing where we are going to end up. In a ditch? We might never know.

Always re-examine your own goals, reflect on yourself.

People around us are always comparing. But we must learn to pick out the music from the noise pollution. Shut them out!

It's almost 12 mn tomorrow got bio spaaaaaa bye bye

If I neglect someone else's dream when I was a part of it in the first place, am I being very irresponsible?

Feeling a bit guilty now...

D:

Since I'm here, I'll give a brief account of today! We filmed our section's farewell video today. At Chinese Garden. Hahah. We were acting and some people thought it was interesting and started watching us. Then maybe they realized we weren't that good after all and they left.

Anyway, it was quite fun ^^

Bought a penguin and a giraffe :D stuffed toys.

Freaking out about PW >(

By the way, this is cool. And it kind of fits my mood >)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3GY8Wl65ag&playnext=1&videos=ag9-upYJvc8&feature=grec_index

It's something from glee.

Okay I'm so sleepy I discussed band farewell video from 10.30 till now and the rest from 8 pm till now. -.-

Feeling sleepy but kind of happy today :D

Owl City music is helping to fuel my happiness too haha x)

Anyway, after yog rehearsal today (while everyone was celebrating national day in the hall) I had chem spa makeup and then we went for SECTION JTS!

At the start I was wondering privately to myself about how stoned the senior(s) were (they were sitting with us and not their batchmates, maybe that's why)... then I decided that I didn't know how to initiate conversation so I concentrated on my food instead. But Pam was being all hyper beside me xD so everything got much better and then somehow after some eating and talking we all started to laugh and giggle yay ...

Today was one of those waste-time but happy-ish days :) yayzzz

cos we didn't do anything except stuff ourselves with sushi and walk around high-class shopping centres in our sch uniform -.-

I miss school! And it's friday already! 8|

I'm marvelling at how nice the people in my section are

(lower brass section) ... nice--> really friendly, always willing to teach (esp teaching noobs like me), really hyper (esp pam yah).

I want to contribute something too... by helping all my friends. :) in anything.

I really miss school! Never thought I'd say this, but after staying home for 5 days (and I still have 2 more days to go) I feel like I want to hug everyone when I go to school (FIGURATIVELY).

"Breathe, and I'll carry you away into the velvet sky, and we'll stir the stars around and watch them fall away"~~

-- Owl City: On the Wing

I feel so bubblegummy today. Whooops.