Shall get a post in first before I scan my computer for viruses again... I still can't open the messages in my hotmail.

I had a rather apathetic and uncomfortable afternoon today. The two words sort of contradict but that describes quite accurately how I felt. Not going to elaborate...

There was also a photoshoot and I was skulking around the edges of the really tightly-knitted block of people, trying to find a way to get myself within the range of the camera... And a JC girl pulled me in and exclaimed that I should just pick a spot now and "don't be shy!". That kind of startled me. I actually feel like being shy is in our school's blood. Then when we graduate we get out of it. Because...

Exams are now over but there's another smaller wave heading towards us, which is of course Chinese O' Levels. But this one actually feels more deadly than the enormous one we just endured because it's scheduled to be right in the middle of nowhere, and it's so easy to overlook it and think that it is just another test.

Eek.

Must study Chinese!

The biggest challenge now is to persuade my brain that it's not the holidays yet and that it should get cracking on Chinese ASAP.

Meanwhile I'm trying to read as much as possible because I haven't touched a book for the past month or so.

And I'm rediscovering the joys of listening to my iPod, while studying. Is that a good thing?

Yes it is.

...

Oh yes. That day I was listening to We're all in this together and all the lower secondary memories flooded back...

8))

Okay, what do I say.

It's the start of post-eoy freedom and I'm fangirling watching youtube videos of Joseph Gordon-Levitt :) He looked so cute as a teen! (He got himself a beard at some point in time :/ )

What can I say about myself, man.

And Carla Bruni sang that French song in 500 days of summer.

It's odd how I got more kick out of surfing the net during the exam period but not as much now...

Although I can say that I do feel slightly more relaxed/ relieved now.

Not much of a difference, after 4 years of such emotional turmoil...

:D

Enjoy your freedom!

Even though I've been complaining and ranting about how exams are degrading and bad for learning, they'll still come back and try to bite our heads off.

And do I really look emo when I stone...?

Since I'm here, I shall say that I'm currently for the last paper! Probably didn't need to say this already.

And I'm in a second wave of fangirling-- Lifehouse <3> :D

Have come out of the melancholy reverie! Yeah. Hahah.

Nothing much has happened today, of course, except that I decided to come out of the melancholy reverie.

And I ate pizza bread and cake for breakfast and I helped do some housework and I read some papers and mags around the house and I ate Bixie's cereal for lunch and I studied physics and I dozed off and I went for a power shower and I studied physics again.

(I think my blog deserves more worthy content.

But never mind, it can be a rant blog for now. Until I get better... ideas.)

8))

I love reading other people's blogs.

Opens up new perspectives, provides an alternative side to my otherwise extremely protected and narrow life.

Seriously, school doesn't offer anything other than knowledge. That sounds ironic. But when I read (blogs) about social workers and all that, about disasters in other countries (lots of them this month), I feel like I'm very sheltered, pampered, or any other synonym of these words you can think of.

This quote might bring my point across better:

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.--- Albert Einstein.

I can imagine people reading this and laughing at this quote. If you say so, quit school and go sweep the roads, lah!

But I'm not going to explain myself on this note further.

Shall just leave this hanging, because I haven't actually thought much about this. In fact, this post probably won't make a lot of sense to most of you.

:D

I really do admire the people who have ambitions, no matter what they are.

Cause childhood/teenage dreams/ambitions usually turn out to be something which you want to do for the good of other people, right...?

Yeahhh.

Don't think I actually had a childhood dream.

.

.

.

Actually, what I REALLY SHOULD BE DOING NOW IS STUDYING PHYSICS.

Shall overcome garfield-like inertia now and move to physics.

The Girl in the White Uniform

I am the unnoticed, the unnoticeable girl,
The girl who always stands next to you during assembly,
The girl who was the colour of the white-washed wall, the sound of
everyday chatter,

The girl who might have exchanged a few forced words with you.
I am the girl trying to find her place in class,
Too hurried and worried to see and smell and touch:
The girl who is patient too long and obeys too much
And wishes too softly and seldom.

I am the girl they call the nation's future.

I am the easily led, the spoon-fed,
The tool for another person's success,
The safe-and-sound,
Stone-for-a-statue, pebble-round.

There you go, adapted from A.S.J. Tessimond's poem in PDD.

Not trying to be a budding poet or whatever academically-related, I just thought it would be fun putting in 'girl' instead of 'man'.

Deleted a chunk of the poem instead of editing it, because I couldn't think of better replacements.

I hope I didn't just insult the whole of the literary world by mutilating another person's poem...

And I'm ... not... insinuating anything at anyone.

Just for light reading...

And because physics is...

still on its way to my head.

Am wholeheartedly studying biology now, yes!

I think I lead a very... sedentary lifestyle. I don't do anything that doesn't come my way-- I don't take any initiative to make my life anything more than school. I don't go exercising (unless it's PE time), I don't go out unless it's necessary. I don't have other activities besides school. I don't talk to people unless they're within my immediate lifestyle. Once events are over, the people linked with that place and task are over too. Out of sight, out of mind. Zap.

(Although this certainly won't happen with my class. And it's more than just the fact that we're going to the same JC.)

I call it being inert. Others might call it deprived. I don't have a lot of productive time for myself.

Unless you say that blogging and reading is productive. -.o

Well, in another way, maybe.

And while I blog, I'm waiting for MSN to sign me in, and it's been failing for the past few attempts. I bet a hermit leads a more engaging life.

I'm not sure if all this self-deprecation is worth reading. A person needs to wallow in such self-pity sometimes. Cos everyone has un-admirable sides of themselves. And blogger has no 'set to private' function. Maybe using LJ's better.

Speaking of LJ, my account's still up! And I shudder a little when I read my sec 1 and 2 posts... Because they were quite a telling image of myself a few years ago.

What was I doing on LJ? Reading posts about tennis.

Back to wallowing.

I think the most interesting thing that I do everyday is speaking with my friends.

That wasn't meant to be sarcastic, it's more of a gesture of appreciation.

And speaking of friends, I think what zing and chrissy said is true for me too. Up till a (certain) point in time, I've always been very privately critical of my friends, observing them, eliminating them whenever I felt let down.

Rather selfish and insecure of myself, I'll add.

Which is why reading old posts on LJ gave me slight creeps.

Maybe next time I'll read this blogger account of mine and shudder at how narrow my perspective on life was.

Meanwhile, I must take the chance to appreciate what I have, because I still have biology and maths to accompany me on this rather tiring journey of exams. -.-

(On the other hand, the conscience in me says that it would actually be wiser to encourage myself more positively, so that I'll be more motivated to study. Whatever.)

Hello Biology.

Feeling flat, emotionally I mean, because nobody's online...

And because I'm going to do more revision...

Although revision is a must for EOYs, don't think I need to elaborate on this...

Is everyone still sleeping or what... 'what' can probably be replaced by mugging...

Sighs...

Blogging helps to trigger the narcissism in me... (probably spelt that right...) and also boosts my self-pity...

Which is why I'm complaining like a headless chicken here...

Instead of spending my time more productively like a good motivated student...

kaybaibai.

Have mercy, ET!

Shall not bore you with ET and his deviously tricky papers...

The idea of having one of ET's kind as a chemistry teacher is kind of cute. As in, the Extra Terrestrial.

I want to brush up on my piano after the exams! Watching pianists at work on Youtube always makes me feel like that. Jon Schmidt is really good at the piano! :) oh man.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ap-qC6rY9mk&NR=1 Not Jon Schmidt I think, but still good :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FenE0fc5lg&feature=related this one is nicer, personally, because there's a human voice.

Pling is so sentimental.

But, that's good, because it lets un-sentimental people like me realize that life is sometimes sentimental after all.

Now that that's said, I like my class :)

I wonder, if it's not too late to wonder, if it's better to aim to score a high mark, or to score a decent MSG. High marks (like higher than A1) are for personal satisfaction, and getting a decent MSG is just being practical, or you can call it lazy.

Whatever.

Doesn't make sense to attach too many numbers to your expectations, I shall ignore marks and MSGs. For now. O:

Hello!

So I was a bundle of emo just now. (wanted to type emoness but was thinking that it looked too much like demoness). But felt better after bath. Always do.

It's nice to sit at home and do whatever you want.

Whatever, this post is so wuliao.

Will post more interesting stuff when mugging days are over.

Was thinking how cool it would be if humans evolved so that we would have a built-in fact store, like a thumbdrive. So we can just 'save' lessons and only plug it in when we have to...

zzz.

yay i smell food coming from my neighbour's house (again). yumyum.

I like Lord of the Rings songs :) Because there's such a large variety of them, with such a wonderful chorus. And sometimes when the flute plays the chorus, it actually makes you feel quite sad.

http://www.plistube.com/play.php?query=howard+shore if you want to. :)

I think it will be really nice to get a chance to work in the film industry. As a director, composer, wow... Then you get to make big hits like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and animations like Up! :D

Had a sudden wave of panic today on the bus. About what? Exams and marks, of course -.-

What if I failed Chinese, IH, LA, yadahyadah. Of course I managed to console myself in the end (with the help of a book-- Bachelors' Anonymous hahah)...

I guess exams are good in a way...

But they help to induce high levels of insecurity. D:

Unless you're a really confident person.

Maybe I'm just heaping my worries onto something else by saying this, oh wells.

Exams are not worth a post!

Feeling rather relaxed now. With the help of playing games with Cheryl and listening to LOTR music :) and food and Bachelor's Anonymous lalala.

What a nice feeling :)

I need to relieve my boredom first. I'm in school, and it's amusing that the school's internet filter didn't block blogger and facebook :) Not that there's much on facebook anyway, everyone's off mugging for EOYS.

I shall lower my expectations for LA D: Shall not elaborate...

The library mainly consists of scholars... To be specific I'm on the 3rd floor of the library.

Oh wells. Hmmsssszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

I'm about to do globalization notes...!

It feels kind of sad to be in school alone... I'm used to having a company of 3 or 4 around me when I study in school. Maybe it's just the aura of the library that's getting to me.
Oh wells, this is kind of pointless.
Bye bye!