I need to stop placing such damaging expectations on myself. I've been engineered and brainwashed in the later half of my education to pursue 'excellence' and not settle for anything less than that. No. No thanks. That life is for robots and exceptionally talented people. I am smart, but I am not exceptionally talented. Screw excellence. It's a dangerous, infectious word.
I've learnt, and am still learning, to be happy with where I am and where I want to be. It's an art. And I'm going to keep perfecting it. I'm going to preserve my spirit, my youth, my love for life. I'll say goodbye to society's ideals of success. Go back and sit on your decadent pile of cash.
If I ever start to love the kind of life I once pursued, it will be on my own terms. It will be because I realized that it could be my calling. It will not be for the sake of 'excellence'.
This doesn't mean I'm giving up. It just means I've grown an extra pair of eyes, a pair of more discerning eyes that knows what happiness and contentment looks like.