Everytime I apply for an internship I feel extremely tired of typing the same pleasantries over and over again. I must have sent over 30 emails already.
Everytime I get a rejection letter ("sorry, no space", "sorry, we're full") I get slightly pissed. And vaguely worried. Like what, the competition for internships is so stiff? Or is it a nice way of telling me I suck?
(Also I need to explain that I need to fulfil 10 weeks of internship so I can graduate, which is why I'm even bothering to apply in the first place)
And then after that I think about it and realize that there isn't much of a rush because there'll be many more opportunities again next year May-July. And hopefully I will look more eligible because by then I would have completed 3 years of school and so I would be supposedly smarter. Or maybe I would look shittier because my GPA would be even lower than it is now. (wow, shittier is a word, it's not underlined in red?)
And then I think about all this shit again and say, 船到桥头自然直, IDGAF anymore. Even if nothing good comes out of this, I can tell myself that I did my best and no, I'm not gonna be jobless next time anyhow. Because I have lowered all expectations already, I don't need a lawyer job, I will settle for any job (with a comfortable pay) next time.
I know my dream is to make the world a better place, somehow, next time, and I'll figure that out next time if I can't figure it out right now. Sometimes the world is such a bitch.
Sometimes I think I put too much pressure on myself for no reason at all. I need to fix that.