"We got drunk and played on the cello together. It was out of tune (sniggers), but there was so much chemistry."
I want to get drunk too then! :3

I can smell freedom...mmmphs.

I'm still in love with 2cellos *_* I'm starry-eyed when I listen to their songs, even more so when I watch them perform live (on youtube)!

Anyway, there're 2 papers left and I know I'm treading on very, very thin ice because I'm slacking so much. After bio paper 3 it felt like the end already and I can't do work like I used to. 

Come back to earth!!!
Sometimes while trying to make decisions for the future, I think about the decisions I made last time. Sometimes, doing that feels like a burden, because I'll start wondering whether I made the right move. So I've taken to forgetting many things that happened in the past. Which is why I'm not usually the one who says "Do you remember, in secondary school, we....?", things like that. Sometimes the past is a burden, which is disturbing because I remember reading somewhere that "a person is but a collection of memories and experiences". Does that mean I've got a more diminished identity? D:
Anyway, I'll smooth this question over and go back to 'living life like a dream': why think so much?

If only we could take multi-tasking to a whole new level... we'd have multiple lives at once... maybe two lives. I'd be able to swap between the current me and that other me, and this way I'd be able to to do many things at once.
One of me will do all the serious money-earning. The other me will go traipsing off into Europe and Africa and India and China, learning how to dance, learning how to play the cello (yes, this is what I really wanted to say), doing crazy things like writing and publishing books and busking on the streets of Vienna.
This is a little distressing, it's like saying that my future will either be this or that, and I'll never be able to satisfy my work requirements and indulge my artistic side at once.
Now that will be odd, because my money-earning self would be jealous of my artistic self, and my artistic self would scorn at my money-earning self, and then I'll hate myself.
Life is odd. Being alone turns me into an odd person with thoughts I never thought I'd have. You are free to laugh at me (I would laugh at myself now, but I think it's odd to laugh aloud when I'm alone.)
I was inspired by a quote a few days ago (that quote is on the green bar above this post now), and I think that will be my life motto. I shall never constrain myself, I shall never be afraid of taking risks (I must have thought through them thoroughly beforehand) and I shall live life like a dream.
Of course, it's hard to imagine how life could be like a dream, since everything is so starkly real now. But it's more of the attitude towards life that matters.
I hope it doesn't make you think I'm shallow, if I said that this quote was said by Stjepan Hauser during an interview. xD
There is a tiny, tiny organism crawling on my keyboard, it's on the key that says 7 (and no, I haven't squashed it), and it can't be any bigger than the tip of your pencil. O: I wonder what it is...
It's gone!!!

I've never felt more like a lump of dough...Unless you count one of the days last week when I was feeling like that too. You know it when your mum says something and you hear it as something totally different, just because your brain isn't working and it isn't connected to your ears. You know it when you pull out something to revise, and then the next thing you do is collapse face down on the table.
Last night I gave a long hard thought about people I've heard of who struggle with the little amount of time they have. I'm not talking about ultra-busy executives; I'm talking about terminally ill people. We've heard stories of them. And then I felt rather ashamed of myself, because I was whiling hours away at the tv and at the computer, complaining to myself about studying, and doing nothing for the people around me. I told myself to spend my time productively the next day, but I don't know how, actually. Today I just spent time reading and surfing the net and watching tv.
But, anyway, I'm so in love with their music:

If I ever want a song for some major event of my life, I'll pick this song.
Today I finally played on my piano, after many months of not touching it at all. There're 3 stuck keys and I played over them anyway, while playing the songs I used to play. It was comforting, but it was a little alarming to discover how fast my sense of rhythm had eroded. I have half a mind to learn new songs for the piano after a levels...
Sometimes I scorn at myself for dreaming up big idealistic plans but not carrying them out in the end. It's either time to find out how lazy I've gotten, or time to find out what I really care for.

^credits to poey for finding it (OMGLOL)
I realized that I ended one of my posts a little too acidly when I described my life as a lie... but life sometimes feels exactly like that when you're studying all alone in your room, with nothing but four walls and your notes and soft toys around you. Sometimes when it's prolonged you even wish your soft toys could talk. :)
Anyway, there are two papers left, and today feels a little like the end of A's already. While studying yesterday the awesome song Smooth Criminals by 2Cellos was playing in my head (guess I was trying to rush through my revision that's why I had such an exciting song in my head). And then at night I fell asleep thinking of what has been planned for the holidays, and what has not been planned and is still quivering excitedly in a corner of my schedule. I probably fell asleep smiling. :))
I should stop daydreaming and get serious about revising for those last two papers, honestly, to save whatever I can of my marks. 8)
After I slack for a while.
Thought of the day:
Most of our exams (actually all of them, no?) train us to analyze and critique, but they don't encourage us to invent things to make life better/cooler and they don't encourage us to imagine beyond what we can see. I have no idea what I mean by inventing and imagining, but that just proves my point.
I suppose it's all up to us to find out what they are.

^ so admirable, concentrating like that. I should concentrate too (later). :3
[that is Luka Sulic of 2Cellos. you should really watch their music video of Smooth Criminal. I really would watch a concert of theirs (or any other players like them)]

I totally understand how this cat is feeling

Because there's no one online to talk to me :(( (everyone mugging for bio paper 3 already??) and it's quite lame to sms a random person and ask 'hey what you doingz', haha.
And I also understand because there seems nothing standing between me and a levels. Everyday is revision time! I can foresee that for the next 4 days I'll not step out of the house (except to get food?)
Right after chem today I was thinking about all my mistakes (again). Then I realized that by doing so I was probably shaving precious years off my life because thinking about them just made me sad again. It was cyclical: sad--"crap I could have gotten those marks..."/happy-- "I tried my best"/ and this repeats. So I decided to stop.
Then I watched the 6.30 pm news. There's this Chinese guy who said he beat his children every 3 days (am I right? I tend to tune out a little while listening to the news). It's like Amy Chua and her children. And he says all his children are in Beida now. The worst bit is that he thinks his children are successful now because he punished them. No, the worst bit is he wrote a book on punishment. I can't make sense of this. His children might be smart and hardworking now, but they are probably scarred in some way. Punishment might seem to work but this doesn't mean it's the best way to bring up a child.
This is slightly depressing.
Anyway, on an interesting note, my brother told me yesterday that I've been leading a sheltered life ever since I was born. We were arguing over something (forgot what), and he said this like it was the end of the story and he was right, I was wrong, haha. It's not like I didn't know I'm sheltered, but it was quite a nudge to my consciousness (can't think of a better phrase) to have someone say that to me. I totally agree, but agreeing makes me feel like my entire life is a lie. ._.
Okay, I shall stop crapping to you and I'll go back to my lie of a life.

Often the choice that makes you happiest is the best choice, and after you make it you wonder why you even agonized over it in the first place. Anyway, today after an exam I spent most of lunch and the bus journey brooding about mistakes, as I always do-- I'm a miserable worm most of the time, when I'm alone. Then I came to the obvious (it seems really obvious now) conclusion that what matters most is how I felt I did, and not the grades that I'll get next March. Practically speaking, that result slip is going to determine much of my immediate future, but at least making this choice has made me see things differently-- next March is not so much a day to be dreaded now, it's just a transition into another phase of life that is university.

I was on the bus today and I was standing on the steps, because it was so full. It reminded me of the times when we played the how-many-people-can-you-fit-on-this-mat game, because everyone around me didn't seem to care how many bodies they pressed into, they were just busy looking for a spot to stand on. It was a pretty depressing situation to walk into, because I had odd thoughts about how overcrowded the world was and how every other person is just another midget on a huge planet in a huger universe. And despite this we still worry about the silliest things.

Okay here's a pretty song. I can't hear some of the words she's singing, but since I can't hear what a lot of American singers sing too, I guess it's just my hearing that's got a problem.

:3 Enjoy.

Also I went on facebook and there were two people fangirling about The Hunger Games movie. Went to read the plot outline and watch the trailer and now I think I'll add that to my to-do list after A's. Also, my horoscope says the silliest things, but I still read it everyday, because it's in the Life newspaper, which I read everyday anyway.

Needs to get back on earth right now but it was quite amazing watching videos of glee and x factor-- watching specific people :D It makes me see life beyond books.

Which is why I need to get back down!
I rarely have a proper conversation with my brother- here's what happened just now:
"Gege, do you like cats or dogs better?"
"Fried chicken."
Brothers. One of a kind.

And I'm touched/humbled by people who try to reach out to others, just to make their day or wish them well, despite knowing that their responses could be treated lightly or simply ignored. 

It is times like this when I feel most at unease with myself, and then after a flurry of adrenaline I realize I'm so childish and I'm surprised that I've never noticed this childishness before.
We're all living our days with adrenaline now. Sounds exciting, man, but then it's serious business.

It's 6 days to the start of the Apocalypse!!
And I spent some time after breakfast lying on sofas and hugging my soft toy bunny.

I never thought I'd like a song like that, I generally don't like Chinese songs sung by young girls since they are usually too cute for me. But this is hard not to like. :3 Oh well, a welcome break after fretting about Apocalyses. (How cool, they both start with A)