I really wish I could step into a time machine and visit, for one week, a place with no handphones and no Internet. And I'll see how people managed to live life happily without their devices, and maybe I'll learn a thing or two about communicating with others. Sometimes I feel like if every bit of emotion I felt was put up on the Internet or some tech-y device, I'll become emptier myself. Okay, it's not like everything I think or feel is broadcasted, but sometimes I do feel worn out, and that's when I feel like retreating to some deserted hill and meditating on it. Maybe this is why some people in the older generation (or even younger??) refuse to buy handphones or set up (for example) a facebook account. But much as I believe in privacy, I still think we should be in sync with the times, so not owning a handphone might be a little extreme. We just need to maintain a balance and stop walking around with our noses buried in some screen.

@@

Still, technology has some clear benefits, and here's one of them :3

Finally done with IS! Woohoohoo!

I'm seriously awed by how nice my IS mentor is. Even cliched words are good to hear if they are sincere.

I just spent more than an hour on formatting. x.x

Now we're stuck in a limbo between prelims and A levels, and all I can think of is "live in the present", so I'm trying to savour every post-prelim/work-free day now and postpone revision for as long as I can! But there's homework... :X
Today I was struck by how exciting the future will be, because after a levels (and that is 3 months away) I'll be free to do anything I like, and it's not any thing, but any thingsss in the plural. I think it was the after-effect of the rather cosy hour spent in the art cubicle discussing stuff :D It feels good to be young, and I remarked this to my mum, who said it's good that I've realized it.
Are dreams priceless? Maybe they are, because having them lets you know that you are not a person who is afraid to venture out of a comfort zone, and that there's no limit to your dreams... So once dreamed, they should be worth pursuing even if you abandon them in the end...?
I've got a wisdom tooth growing out, hope it makes me wiser yay!

I can't play Dragon Nest because it cannot connect to some server in some part of the universe 8(
Just read a blog, and I realized you don't need perfect (or near-perfect) grammar to capture your readers' attention if the subject is really intriguing.
Anyway, I was thinking about how ironic it was that I wrote about not being able to get out to do anything because of being stuck with revision, because writing itself is not doing anything at all too. It's just an outlet...

I think Korean dramas are more successful than Singaporean ones because in Korean dramas, they actually focus on a few main characters, and the camera zooms into their (pretty) faces and shows all the angsty turmoil going through their minds, and then you think, 'how heartbreaking!' or 'what a terrible two-timer!' or 'don't choose him, you idiot!'.
Maybe characters in Singaporean dramas are too rational and they fall too nicely into stereotypes. On the other hand, characters in Korean dramas are more...irrational (what's a better word?) and you can't help but identify with them yourself.
Or maybe, we just like to have an insight into a different culture, that opens up so many doors in our imagination.

Nothing to do now, but I still have this :3

his voice itself is brilliant. and the icing on the cake is the cute expressions :3

I don't feel like moving off my chair, it's like there's cement on the chairrrrr.

A few days ago (I've lost count, it's like all my life I've been taking the prelims?!), I suddenly remembered how my happy J1 self 10 years ago told herself not to be apathetic.

:D

Let's renew the love! (for life)

Just because:

just because if you obsess about questions you'll never move forward.

I think a side-effect of the prelims I'm having is that I start to probe my inadequacies so much that I get irritated when I see people who display any sort of imperfection-- which I'm sure everyone does, including myself, since obviously nobody's perfect! 

Yet I still have no idea how to reconcile grades-chasing together with the ideals I have and the life I want. I mean, I must have studied decently enough in the past to even end up here, and I'm sure you know I'm not boasting because this is an achievement that many people have, and also "good schools" do not represent everything that is good. Anyway, so I must have fared decently, and a lot of people must have too, but what's the point of going on further if all I can do now is sit at home, cloistered away from everything happening elsewhere, and read my notes? Why can't I go out there to make a real change now? 

The only reason why, I think, is that all this learning is just some self-absorbing activity which only the narcissistic enjoy. To show to themselves that they are capable of solving complex problems and so they are Endowed, with a capital E.

Just joking, really. Don't take that paragraph seriously.

I guess school, specifically JC education, is really a privilege that I've unwittingly wandered into. I mean, I didn't really have a clear idea of what I was signing up for in secondary school, but on the other hand I was also quite sure that I didn't want to go anywhere else (or didn't know where else to go?) because that was the most obvious path to take. So, I don't hate it, but I do wonder at times what I'll be doing now if I were ... somewhere else.

The only conclusion I can come to right now is that what we're learning now is not mainly the content (you aren't going to ask your colleague next time if they know what aqueous bromine is useful for) but the thinking processes, and also the human-ish values you discover in this drawn-out, dismal struggle for perfection. 


A motivating quote from a mentor that possibly answers my question: To whom much is given, much is expected. 

On a shallower note, I'm feeling disillusioned after a week of papers and I wonder why there's such a huge gap between reality and my expectations. Are my expectations my dreams? Do dreams=expectations? I am confused. I don't think they are the same though, but while expectations are easily defined, it's really tough to be sure of what my dreams are.

On a practical note: To remind myself, I'm going to touch up my IS this WEEKENDDDDD!!!!!

And now a pretty song that will set fire to your resolve and make you study like you've never studied before:

there's really fire in her voice.

Maybe ideas, when put into words, lose their conviction, so I'll change my mind about writing an Angsty Post on Life, and how I feel that different people should take paths that spread in different directions. Paths diverge, paths converge, but paths should never be parallel. If I write any more I think I'll sound forced, and I'll betray the fact that I am in fact very lost about where I should go from here. But we Chinese always say that boats straighten when they reach the dock, so I'll just keep floating around in my sampan, alright?

Sometimes it's about knowing your limits and working hard to push them away. Cast them away to the distant galaxies!
Here's a cool treat:)


Okay my mum is coming to take over my throne at the computer bye bye!

I arrived here with plenty of things running through my head, but I thought that writing with no clear purpose in mind was rather silly and also a waste of time.

Anyway, I think Coldplay oozes style. Maybe 'oozes' is not the right word; I can't think of a stylish word now. I love Chris Martin's soaring tenor.

:X

I do feel many things now, but all these feelings seem to have dimmed for now in this exam rush.
I'm thinking of the times I've gone for campfires, and how heartwarming it felt to sit down in circles around the 5-metre high blazing fire. All the faces on the other side of the fire were blurred (smoke was rising, it was dark, the fire was sputtering), but I remember bright white teeth flashing: girls were laughing and smiling, and their laughter was infectious. I remember wondering if the Guiders sitting by the side were bored, but now I think it must have been a rather humbling experience for them, to sit among people who reminded them of their childhood and to see them scream and shout without a worry in the world.
It would be nice if I could organize a campfire with all the people who ever meant something to me. It doesn't matter whether they have stopped meaning anything to me. Let's face it-- I learnt a few years ago (I can't pinpoint the exact year) that people come and go and they mean different things to you as life proceeds. Let's say that these people are still precious to me because I keep in mind all the times we spoke together and shared  light moments together. Now we've separated, but my memories remain and they come back to me occasionally.
But let's face another fact: memories change and people might not remember the same things, and if they do, they recall it at different times. That's what causes estrangement.
So, paradise for me would be sitting down together with everyone who means and meant anything to me and having a huge party together around a campfire. But I'm not sure what I'd say to them. It would be nice if feelings were tangible and they could be contained in a pretty box, and when people open it they'd be able to see/smell/feel it for what it exactly is. I'd pull out a feeling like Dumbledore pulls out his thoughts with a wand and puts them in his Pensieve. And feelings would be tasted, like how the girl in The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake tastes her mother's emotions in her cooking.
Speaking of paradise, go listen to Paradise by Coldplay. 

Also, here's a talented singer.

Something to cheer you up!

And also to cheer myself up.

I left an entire question in my bio paper blank today. I didn't do it on purpose, and that's what makes it so bad. Cos I flipped a page and saw it was blank, so I thought I finished the booklet when actually there was still a question 6. 11 marks confirmed plus chop sayonara.

Here's an interesting post on objective truth and religion. It's not very detailed but it gets you thinking...

But there's no point moping... the only thing that is real now is action and all other activities would be very unnecessary... except for thinking of course.

I saw a status update on facebook one day. It went something like "I love (my teacher)! Today he said: Boys and girls, if you continue being so rational, you'll never find love!".

It was quite funny and catchy but I didn't figure out what it meant, until today, when I reflected a little and realized that it meant quite a great deal. If we keep rationalizing our actions we're never going to accept ourselves and the people around us.

Okay. Have I mentioned how cute I think Cameron Mitchell (the glee project) is? :))) He might not be the most handsome or charismatic singer around, but his voice is good and it's interesting to watch a singer start out without any training at all (he's self-taught). I hope he gets a recording deal, somehow!

Prelims in two days, bless my brains, and may time multiply itself!

Urgh. This is yucky. But wow, new blogger template! There are some people washing the outside of my house because they want to paint the walls, and I think they've draped this blue canvas sheet right outside my door. It makes me feel so much more like a prisoner. D: I think I haven't stepped out of the house for at least 3 days. Ouch!

I should get to work soon to make my getting up at 8 am worth it! D:

To-read list (I have a to-read list on Goodreads, but it's so long it's become useless...)
1) Julian Barnes: A Sense of an Ending
2) a book by Ann Patchett
3) a cool book about evolution probably by Stephen Jay Gould

Yesterday was farewell, and it wasn't until the end that I realized that I was bidding farewell to the people in my batch too. But I guess we'll still meet, this isn't really the end! You never know what's going to happen next.

I definitely haven't researched enough! The perils of making choices based on popular opinion. I should have adopted a more open mindset from the beginning.
I hope my choices now aren't too impulsive and they'll pull through. D: