It's the last day of official lessons of my two years in JC! I can't decide if I'm happy that it's over or sad that I won't be having more of it. The past two years have been a mixture of dreary days where I simply hoped for the whole day that I could go home and never see school again, and (a larger portion) of happy days where I discovered new things about my classmates.
So I guess I miss school more now (that's why I'm even here in the first place).

But I've been through 12 years of education, and I don't know what exactly it is I treasure. Plainly put, I don't know what I want to dedicate my life to. I know I seek new things, possibly 'adventure'. Basically I'd like to travel. But I'd be giving up some things here at home if I did that.
This reminds me of what Mrs Toh said that day-- when you lose something, you gain something else. (then sbd piped in, i think it was yaonian: when you gain something, you lose something else too). But what is it I'd like to have, at the expense of the happiness I already enjoy now? I see my friends and family everyday and I learn new things about them as time passes. Happiness here is very tangible. If I were to go overseas, happiness would be harder to find; it would be wilder and very unexpected.

But I think I've learnt my lesson, which is that happiness can turn stale if it stays untouched and unexamined for too long. I've lived through that kind of happiness before, and it was very constraining, as I told cheryl today. I think being away from home might give me the chance to reassess the home I've lived in for 18 years, and I'll learn to appreciate it differently.

If I could live JC over again, I'd be more serious about KI lessons, especially group presentations. I didn't really like group presentations. I never knew whether I was going on the right path when I was addressing the class, so my presentations got more and muddled as I did more of them (actually I think I addressed the class twice in 2 years, and the last one was quite screwed up).

One thing is certain, which is that KI has been the most fun lesson I've had in JC. I might not have appreciated it enough some days, but it has constantly presented me with new insights about myself and everything else around me. Come to think of it, I think the teachers have the most credit for giving me such a good experience in KI. If I could, I'd do a 3rd year of JC that would be dedicated to KI.

I think I'm a lazy person by nature and it takes quite a significant amount of encouragement to make me budge. Now I know it, maybe I can change it.

I feel kind of sad now. I feel the same way I did when the only band concert I performed in ended, just that the feeling I have now has more finality in it. I guess it's comparable to how I felt after graduating from secondary school, just that I felt more liberated at the end of sec 4 than I do now. (in sec 4, it was "YES!!! I'm out of sec school! And I'm going to a new one!!" And what sadness was there to feel, when everyone was just going to the same school again?)

Thinking of sec school makes me miss my sec school class. I want a class reunion after A's.

After JC I also want a JC class reunion. I feel like I must keep in touch with my JC classmates, because they are all so nice and they have had quite a huge impact on my attitudes and perceptions.

I feel like this blog post is just a declaration of how much I love everyone. Hi, I love you. <3 :D

Okay, I should stop prancing around in my pink-tinted specs.