I'm stalking seniors' blogs on ql's directions and it just makes me feel boring and, in some small part of my mind, inferior.

There they are, talented and passionate (and going through the ups and downs of university life abroad, but this is beside the point), and here I am... I don't think I actually have any passion in the deeper sense of the word; I'm just a rolling stone gathering random bits of moss and fluff. (This is making me imagine myself rolling downhill, which is amusing, but it also feels like something bad) And if I had any talents, I don't think I've discovered them/ I don't have any/ Am I just being very critical of myself?

I just can't find any defining characteristic of myself that can be qualified, that I can be proud of. (I mean qualified, as in... e.g. "I was in a CCA for 6 years"/"I love research to bits"/"I love acting and I've acted lots"). Then again, am I just trying to fit myself somewhere? Am I different in that I don't belong to these descriptions, or am I just crappy, to put it harshly?

I feel like this is a perverse thought, but it almost feels like I don't have any right pursuing my dream to go overseas for university education. To put it really bluntly, if I'm a boring old rock with moss, I'll be a boring old rock with random moss wherever I go. It's like what I read somewhere last time-- you can't run away from yourself.

But realistically speaking, I could go anywhere. If I really try. Those seniors, I think they really tried. Anyone can go anywhere if they really try.
I know whatever I typed above will infuriate some of you or at least make you feel indignant. That's how I'll feel if I read this from somewhere else. But I think criticizing my self-worth today helped me find some direction, it does not reflect what school is like.

Maybe it's just that every one of the (few) seniors I've come across and is studying in some good university seems confident about themselves.
But I don't deny there's a lot of struggle underneath.
I just typed a crappy post at a crappy hour. I'm going to sleep.