Joe Hisaishi music is so lovely! I feel like I've returned to my childhood even though I didn't watch the Ghibli movies in my childhood. Reminds me of lovely things past which should be present in life in larger quantities.

(I'm going back on Sunday)
I'm afraid of going back... because I feel like when I go back my new-found freedoms will be taken away from me... I'm not speaking politically-wise, that's a whole new level altogether.
But I always tell myself that freedom is a state of mind-- if you truly want something, no one can take it away from you unless you let them, in which case it is your fault.
So yeah. I think I just need to be able to trust myself to secure my freedoms. I think I ceded too much of it in the past few years.
I'll be starting my internships... then starting school. Which is pretty exciting but in a different way. In HK, it's exciting in a "I'm going off to find myself!" way. Back in SG, it will be exciting in a normal way.
I don't ever want to forget that there's a huge, huge world out there for me to discover; that there are so many funny/weird/screwedup/existential/adventurous/yolo people for me to know; that I can travel by myself to visit my new exchange friends in US/Canada (hopefully we all don't forget each other pleeease); or that I can travel by myself to Europe (hopefully with other friends, anyone actually).
My floormate has a hugeass atlas on her wall, with flags on the countries/cities she has visited, and the words above the atlas read: the world is a book, and if you stay in one place, you only read a page~ It's so lovely to have a map like that.
I'm gonna miss all my friends here and how devil-may-care yet smart they are. Sure they aren't perfect, sure we aren't very close friends, sure i don't think we can ever become very close friends, but we can all have a good time together.
Last time, my definition of friendship was very narrow; I think now it's much broader, and I think I like this change. 

You know, basically, at the minimum, I just don't wanna be that nerd in school who has lost her common sense from too much studying. I find that SMU had that effect on me. It's just so busy sometimes that it eats up parts of you.
I think I did find parts of myself in my 5 months in HK. I feel more whole, and whole is how I wanna stay.

Maybe you find it hard to understand who I am and what I'm really thinking. Sometimes I find it difficult to understand people too, in social situations. My advice is don't try too hard to understand. Just know that when I'm with you people, all I want is to have a good time with you guys. 8)

There are days when I can power on without end-- assignments, friend meetings, chatting non-stop, presentations, buying things, etc.
Then there are days like today where I just have to sit down and pretend I don't exist... Except for listening to songs I love.
There's a song where the lyrics describe my mood today, 100%. I actually thought about all the issues embedded in the lyrics today. ^_^ It's a great feeling knowing that there might be somebody out there who shares all the same ideas as you do, and has the charisma to put it all in a song.
It's called Big Bad World by Kodaline. There's a part which goes: we go out on our own, it's a big bad world outside; carrying our dreams and all that they mean, trying to make it all worthwhile.
I don't see these lyrics as meaning that everyone and everything out there is bad or evil, i.e. I don't see the individual and society as antagonizing each other. I think the lyrics mean that each person is really just on his/her own, and there is this world outside which is really just a big wilderness. Sure, one that is regulated by law and organized by infrastructure, but still a chaotic one. And there is always this gap between the individual and the society; sometimes the gap is bridged, and sometimes the gap widens, but the gap is always there.

And there's another part which is also one of my favourite parts, which goes: shit, maybe there is no god in the big white clouds up there; maybe live long, or maybe die young, or maybe live every day like it’s your last day under the sun.
I've had conversations about religion with close friends before, and most of the time I don't really know what to say except the basic stuff that everyone knows. But I think it is important.

And another part goes: maybe say yes or maybe say no; maybe I’m just too shy to admit that it is time to go. This totally reminds me of indecisive outings where everyone goes 'oh i don't know'. And I'm thinking to myself that I really wanna go home but I don't wanna dampen the mood.

There's a popular song out there that I don't really like, but don't really dislike either, but I remember the lyrics. It goes: are we human, or are we dancers.

I'd like to change it up and sing: are we human, or are we dreamers~~~
cos everyone loves to dream, it's part of being human, even if we do it without anyone watching or caring.

Me editing my groupmate's work with poor grammar
(totally copied this image from sgag)

I get the general sense that most girls feel that they are not good enough for most things they do. And most girls look for external validation. And most girls don't like to say no, because they might lose that external validation.
That must change.
We're all good enough, most probably even more than that.

Even when the going gets tough, or it feels like it's impossible to do something-- just know that somewhere, you have it in you to do it, and you just have to set your mind to it. And you'll be proud of yourself for trying even though it doesn't really succeed, or the haters hate you for it, because by trying, you'd have learnt something in the process. If you don't want to set your mind to it, because maybe it's not your style, or just not worth it, then don't.

Maybe I'm talking mostly about myself, and I could be extrapolating too much. But what I'm saying probably applies to other girls, too, because I read part of this book by a lady called Sheryl Sandberg about the same issues. (Well, I didn't finish the book because I got bored of it. No offence.)

You have to believe in yourself-- because you know yourself best. And no one else is obliged to believe in you.

I'm probably saying all this because of some observations I've made here that have made me impatient with the way things were going, or that have made me pause to think. And also, from a more personal angle, I'm trying really hard to do well here and I feel like what I've learnt in the process is more valuable, and more useful than some grade that I'll receive at the end of the semester, even though maybe the grade is useful in telling me how many smart people there are out there. And I really believe in what I'm learning, I think it's useful in some way, whether it's just for general knowledge or for the work I might be doing in future. And man, I'm tired and I want some encouragement from myself. And I'll get going again soon.

Add this to the list of things I wanna remember from my stay in Hong Kong.

Feeling a little sad... not really sad but just feeling a tinge of sadness.
Maybe it's because it's the exam period...
But more concretely, I think I miss home.
And I'm also a bit sad that I only have about 17 days left in Hong Kong and I won't see my new exchange friends in the foreseeable future probably? Except maybe one who has said she wants to visit Singapore/Malaysia, which is coolios! It feels like the process of life is so fleeting.
And when will be the next time I go overseas again? For more than a short holiday. Maybe not for further studies (a masters??), but for work? Or for an extended holiday like those you see in movies? Lolsss. Like in Eat Pray Love or whatever.
Well, only memories are permanent. That's something. :DDDDDDDDDDDDD

Update! Update! What's going on so far... Well it's just me doing my exams (take-home style). Take-home exams make so much sense. Not like you get to slack and not like it's easier. But oh gosh I get to look at my notes for however long I want and do it in the comfort of wherever-I-please.
Feel like I'll miss my HK friends. I'll also miss the carefree youthful vibe that all my new friends here have. It's just... wow. Before exchange, I was a dry leaf on the ground... now I'm a fresh mint leaf.
Puke-worthy analogy aside...
These are some things that I wanna carry around with me. There are just some memories and lessons you want to keep in your heart forever...