I like studying constitutional law. I think it makes me feel like a better person, because we consider different points of view. It makes me revisit my assumptions about people and society. It makes me feel more open-minded. I guess even though I've done just 2 courses on it, it will be one of my lifelong quests to read about it...somehow. Through the news maybe. Hope I don't forget!

I like being on exchange. It makes me feel like I'm free and independent. And it makes me want to see more places and more people. While nothing can beat the familiarity and similarity I feel when I'm in Singapore/among Singaporeans, seeing other things makes me appreciate home more. It also gives me new perspectives on how home could be improved (in a legal kind of way, not talking about engineering, or landscaping, or whatever). I feel like it would be nice if I go out to work for a few years, save some money, and maybe do a course in politics or philosophy or... jurisprudence? Ha. Ha! Because I like reading about those topics. I'm just not very sure I'd like to do the actual work, or whether I'm any good at those topics. Doing my research paper made me realize I'm not a patient person when it comes to unsolvable moral questions.

I also realize that I've been a very judgmental and narrow-minded person-- secretly. I don't always say it. And I can't remember what else I wanted to say but that's the main point. And also-- I don't want to be that judgmental person anymore. Because being judgmental made me afraid of being judged.

And I just want to say something about that Amos Yee: Yes, he may have made some good points, I'm not too sure on that though. But his abusive language and the calculated timing of his video make his video really morally repugnant. What else was his video supposed to achieve besides making us all annoyed? Much as I support freedom of speech, so that our society may continue to develop into a mature democracy, I don't think I support that kind of freedom of speech. If he really wants to make Singapore a better place, he better do it in a non-offensive manner. By that, I mean well-crafted arguments, supported by credible data, and no swear words. Simply can't emphasize this enough. Otherwise, his audience will only focus on his delivery and not his content. I still don't know what he was trying to achieve by posting that video. Other than criticism.
And when I said that he may have made some good points, truth is, I don't really know what his points were because I got too distracted by his incessant swearing. I only say that he 'may have made some good points' because some people (whom I respect) say that he 'may have made some good points so maybe there's a possibility that there was a good point buried underneath all that swearing.

"我们要决定自己的命运!"
-- LKY, sometime in history, during an election rally

These are words I have known for much of my young life, but I felt the meaning was different when I heard LKY say it (in an old video somewhere). Under those circumstances, just after the separation from Malaysia, and during the Vietnam War, it must have felt scary to be in Singapore. And add to that the memory of the Japanese Occupation, and the departure of the British. Hearing those words must have been powerful. If I had been living in those times, and if by chance I had the money, I might well have migrated. I don't know. What I mean is that it probably took great courage and tenacity to eke out a living in Singapore at that time, much less engage in politics in the fledgling nation.

Fast forward to my generation. When I learnt my languages, I thought of "我们要决定自己的命运!" differently. I thought maybe it meant I should have the freedom to drop out of school. Maybe to pursue some alternative life path, to be a hipster musician, or some unidentified cool job. Maybe to have the freedom to travel anywhere I please. I think I was quite pampered and immature.

Now that I've learnt my history properly, and gained some common sense, I think I appreciate these words more. And I want to remember them forever, because they reflect a much truer reality than the reality I knew when I was more ignorant.

There's no place I'd rather be than in Singapore. No one else I'd rather be than Singaporean. Cheers to a great man!

#rememberingLKY

I guess one of my missions is how to lead a principled life... and stay true to myself. I've had some subtle external influences inspiring me on how cool it is to stay true to myself. It's all too easy to stray from one's principles. I find that I'm surrounded by temptations and distractions. And being someone who has a short attention span and is, well, rather easily tempted, I find that staying true to myself is all the more important.
The TVB drama I'm watching now has this really upright ex-cop (acted by Kevin Cheng). So he's one of my influences in staying true to my principles. Like he was really determined to prove his innocence before he went back to being a cop. Even though he loved being a cop.
But of course the slamdunk influence on me is Mr LKY: I was reading this article about how he challenged the US CIA. And I quote Mr LKY: "The Americans should know the character of the men they are dealing with in Singapore and not get themselves further dragged into calumny. They are not dealing with Ngo Dinh Diem or Syngman Rhee. You do not buy and sell this Government." 
That last sentence... is so dope. And at that time he was in a really difficult position, just after the failed merger with M'sia. So despite immense difficulties, he stuck to his principles. That's like reaching nirvana to me.

I'm doing this paper for my Fraud/Corruption/Computer Crime class, and the prof suggested that exchange students like me do something related to our home countries. And I thought really hard about what I could write about in Singapore, and I couldn't think of any good topic. At first I was mildly pissed, but then I realized it was a good thing. That SG is one of the safest places in the world, so much so that I can't even think of a good topic for my paper. 
And I remember telling my exchange friend here that 'sg is safe and boring'. Well I feel a bit ashamed for saying that because on second thought, I'd rather it be safe and boring than... dangerous and exciting.
Anyway, grateful to be a Singaporean, and grateful to be part of a country that was helmed by Mr LKY. May his spirit live on in all of us and future generations to come.

Feeling so pensive today (i actually typed 'pensieve' and wondered for a while...). Listening to a remix of Wait (M83) by Kygo, which is awesome and dreamy and really stimulates those pensive cells in my brain.
Can't really put my thoughts into coherent words. I'm thinking about how true to myself I have been throughout my life. Have I been squeezing myself into facades? Yes I have, but not all the time. When were those times I was living life behind a facade? When were those times I was truly myself? When is it okay to be 'behind a facade'?
Have I been afraid to live? And probably the answer is yes. But why should I be afraid to live when I'm even more afraid of death and of the unspeakable loss?
Such heavy topics.
And I should stop thinking of them. Although they are genuine questions, it is always better for me to project my thoughts outwards and start. living. life. itself.
Like all hard questions in life, you can think and think about them while an infinity of sunrises and sunsets pass, and you will still have no definite answer. Maybe then, what really matters is that I keep those questions in my mind's pocket; questions are more useful than answers. Maybe a beautiful life is one that collects questions, rather than answers.

Omfg this is such a gloriously cute song! *heart melts* and it's an old song. Maybe what they say about old songs, that old songs are much better, is true.
Okay need to focus on work now marsha!



Wonderful World by Sam Cooke

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me, too
What a wonderful world this would be

Don't know much about geography
Don't know much trigonometry
Don't know much about algebra
Don't know what a slide rule is for

But I do know one and one is two
And if this one could be with you
What a wonderful world this would be

Now, I don't claim to be an A student
But I'm trying to be
For maybe by being an A student, baby
I can win your love for me

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me, too
What a wonderful world this would be

La ta ta ta ta ta ta (History)
Hmm-mm-mm (Biology)
La ta ta ta ta ta ta (Science book)
Hmm-mm-mm (French I took)

Yeah, but I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me, too
What a wonderful world this would be

I just scrolled through google maps, and travelled virtually from Hong Kong, to Singapore, then up to Vietnam, and then to Yunnan, and back east to Zhuhai, and north, north, to Mongolia, and then Russia, and then west, west, to Bhutan, to Iran, to Afghanistan, to Europe.
(I was brainstorming places to visit. In China.)
All the while keeping in mind Singapore's puny size. While scrolling through Russia I imagined the miles and miles of wilderness and scarce residences, and wondered what could be happening on that part of Earth right now.
I can't imagine how a tiny island could actually become a nation, and raise so many people, and hold so many memories for me. Multiply this million-fold and that is Planet Earth for you. I suddenly feel like a frog in the well, like a country bumpkin. I just feel like one of the stars in the universe. So insignificant.
And my banking law assignment is so insignificant as well.

Just joking.

I feel like I want to travel the world. And even if I do, I won't be able to finish taking in all the wonderful sights and sounds this world has to offer. It's just infinite.

All the troubles I had last time back in Singapore, so vacant, so meaningless. I just am. A human being. An Earthling.
8)

Trying to describe one of the most delicious feelings you can have as a human being:
1) It's like being on a rollercoaster
2) It's like you're standing on tiptoe, at the edge of a precipice, ready to take flight
3) It's like you could fall in love anytime

Not that I am in love, but this feeling-- I could get drunk on it. And yet not totally drunk-- just happiness, and maybe mildly-drugged excitement.
I get it when I'm listening to one of my favourite songs. Or on a ride in the amusement park.
Just wanted to write this down so that next time, when I'm too busy, or sad, or whatever, I will remember that I ever had such a beautiful feeling, more than once.
I started feeling this feeling when I came to Hong Kong. Exchange does wonders. 8) Well, I think I actually felt the same feeling when I performed for Samba sometime last year.

So this is one of the dreamy songs that give me the feeling I just described above. :)