The shooting incident in Isla Vista has really creeped me out! Maybe because I was reading about it at night and at night, everything just seems more scary, right. Now in the light of day it feels a bit more palatable to talk about although it's just as nasty.

What made me so creeped out was how the killer's 'problems' are actually insecurities faced by so many people around us-- the inability to get a girlfriend (or boyfriend). And this incident has taught me that there is a certain line between insecurity and insanity. I would never want to go near that line and I hope no one else does either. Love yourself, guys, don't beat yourselves up over society's expectations. Very often, I think society's expectations are actually non-existent-- they are actually our own stereotypes in disguise. The stronger these stereotypes are, the more dangerous. Get rid of them.

Listening to an upbeat song by Richie Jen and I'm sure you've heard it before. And omg, the lyrics speak of the singer's inability to get a girlfriend (!). Good thing that he channelled his frustration into a cute song rather than letting it fester in the depths of his mind. But scary issues aside, I think the song is really cute and it makes me smile whenever I listen to it. It takes a rather admirable personality to sing lyrics like: "其实我很可爱". :3

时光匆匆匆匆溜走也也也不回头
美女变成老太婆
哎哟那那那个时候我我我我也也已经是个糟老头

Omg so cute this song. Heard it in my childhood. Why didn't I fangirl this guy before??


Grow up.

There's a paralyzing fear that I'm stepping into adulthood. I don't want to do anything except sit at home and read storybooks and listen to music.
But viewed from another perspective, it could be a liberating and adventurous time. I could do crazy empowering things.
I prefer the latter.

Anyway, I went for 2Cellos' concert. And they were charming, and cute, and funny, and passionate, and spontaneous.
The very ideals I'm pursuing.

Here's a rubbishy post about the holidays.
Today I snapped out of my brief holiday-reverie, and I was reminded of all the responsibilities (and rights, but there are more responsibilities than rights, methinks) that come with being 21 years old. And now I groan and wish to myself, can the holidays never end? Can I be allowed to live in such ignorant bliss forever? Ignorant bliss must be what the afterlife is like, if there is even one. However, I do not have any wish to visit the afterlife, even if it sounds pleasant. Can life then be kinder? ("No, I can't be kinder," Life squeaks back.) Can I be a hermit then? -- but how would I survive as a hermit?
My heart is getting so heavy.
But maybe thinking like that is too hedonistic? Depends on which life philosophy you subscribe to, Kantian philosophy or hedonism, as this <ARTICLE> alludes to. I don't know which one I believe in, but I guess I can't go wrong with a healthy mix of both.
Maybe hedonism is rather flawed, although it's an admirable theory, because life has never been kind to any living organism since the Big Bang. So hedonism will do no good to anyone 'cos we'll all just crumble and die wrapped up in our blankets of down. There needs to be a basic sense of responsibility, although people have different notions of 'basic'. And also despite all that mankind has done so far to reach this advanced state of living we have now, there are still many wrongs to be righted.
Even though our parents' era seems so innocent and 'golden' to us, I doubt it actually was. I guess they all faced the same problems we do now, and maybe additional problems of a different type (given the different world politics playing out, etc.)
Okay back to my hedonistic holidays before they run out.

Everything is what it is and what will happen will happen. No point guessing because life is unexpected.
Lol that's the life motto of the protagonist in the book I'm reading-- the hundred year old man who jumped out of the window and disappeared. It's quite funny although reading it for hours on end made me feel like my brain shrivelled a little. Don't get me wrong, it's just ridiculously funny. And I haven't finished it yet.

I'm surprised. There's a poll for the demand for exchange vacancies in the various universities and there have been people who've expressed interest in going for the LAW exchanges. And it's not just a few, there's people up for Switzerland, India (?), Hong Kong... Omg who are they. A bit sad cos the numbers may mean competition, although it's not really a cause for worry because the numbers aren't that high. I was actually seriously considering Switzerland (for its beautiful mountains) and Hong Kong (for its Canto and dim sum and familiarity).
Maybe I should revise my options and pick the ones with no takers yet, and are not expensive. (e.g. UK). UK is actually expensive but I could choose the cheapest university and also try to scrimp while I'm on exchange (e.g. do my own cooking/eat grass...joking). And UK has friends. Hong Kong is still an option. Switzerland... not really because St Gallen (the one I wanted) has 2 takers for 2 vacancies.

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well have not lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." 
- JK Rowling

Timely reminder...
And I read the article about why Singaporean youths are unhappy and realized that a lot of it applies to me and also I have to remember that I'm not entitled to anything 

Until one has breathed properly, one wouldn't know how much one has endured near-suffocation.

Goodness, the makeup printer is so cool. (click here if you haven't seen) She's my hero (one of them at least).

It's the holidays now. I feel like I'm in the eye of a hurricane, watching all this creative destruction unfold around me. You know, people have described the development of our society as creative destruction, because we are all doomed people but we come up with very creative ways of living that doomed life. Meanwhile, nothing much is happening on my end, which is quite pleasant although I feel rather bored. But I mustn't think like that all the time (and I actually don't; it's probably because I'm left to my own thoughts on another ordinary night) because it's pointless and it's damaging to my morale.

I've said this before, but today I feel like I'm a lucky girl. So many people out there have sad pasts and unspeakable circumstances that they hide from the prying eyes of society. Well, I do have my share of sad stories to tell (everyone does), but it seems narrow-minded for me to attach too much weight to them. It's sad that there are people suffering among us. And it's also sad that even while I am aware of the existence of these unspeakable circumstances, I feel like I mustn't trust people who beg or busk or ask for donations on the streets.

Signed up for zumba. It's fairly amusing and I felt quite good after one session (you know, exercise produces endorphins and all). Only downside is I feel awkward because I don't know anyone there. But oh well my main aim is having that 1 hour of exercise, not making friends.

Nu huo jie tou is good. It makes me tear at ordinary but touching moments. :') It's very real. (also note: deprived kid who doesn't have cable TV is talking right now) It makes me want to go out there and help people, and it makes me want to tell everyone out there that they have their rights and they mustn't let themselves be bullied by others. And this is something I do not learn in law school, where people go in and feel like they've walked into a warped version of the Hunger Games. But as I said earlier, using the example of begging/busking on the streets,  it is not always easy to tell right from wrong, and even as you embark on this Herculean task, you may find that there is no right or wrong. Still, just because it's difficult, doesn't mean you give up on it. Watching the drama reminds me that I could be where I am for a bigger purpose in future. I mustn't give up. This sounds rather idealistic, and even I have a little difficulty believing that I just typed that. But it gives me hope that there is meaning in what I'm doing, and hope is better than no hope.

Eeyer so sweet. Restoring my faith in the world one song at a time, and maybe yours too. :) (watch the video)


Sian max, thinking about certain things. I need to find ways to make my life more interesting, not just during holidays but also during term time.

I can really identify with what the author says about lost opportunities: click here!

"Where are you going? There are some things you will never do. It doesn’t matter. There is no rush. Be the best prisoner you can be."

Wow, prisoner. Yes, I feel trapped and I feel like a prisoner in a way. But I find that if I try to focus and find value in the things I do everyday, like the author says, this feeling of being trapped recedes into the background. 

I don't know where you're going, and I don't know why
Listen to your heart
~Roxette

Cliche, but carpe diem.

Mission: try baking stuff in air fryer!
Don't forget, don't get lazy, I must try... When I'm free. Probably Monday.
MUAHAHAHA
#operationFAT #justkidding

Aghhh I'm melting into a puddle after watching 怒火街头. :3 The logic of the last episode was rather questionable but the values it stood for were really awesome and touching. AND I love how my favourite actor shows emotions on his face really well. I mean, just a slight shift in his expression can tug at my heartstrings. :') I love him so much, he's so expressive. :D Actually Myolie Wu's really good too, I can read emotions in her eyes as well. :D THAT'S what I call good acting.
SIGH

Takeaways:
1. I don't care about raising my GPA anymore. I will just care enough about my studies to make sure I'm doing something useful at school, i.e. learning something. It sounds very high-minded, and maybe I'm saying this because I'm melting into a puddle right now, and it will be very easy to forget this, but I'll do my best to remind myself when the next semester starts, for the sake of my sanity and my happiness.
It could be really hard for some people to understand where I'm coming from because it may just sound like I'm licking my own wounds. But I observe, in almost everyone around me, the struggle between accepting one's GPA and finding self-worth. It's a painful process. I don't think I'm saying it just to comfort myself for my shitty performance at school. I'm saying it also because... I think it is a good thing to believe in. It helps me delve beyond appearances. All students work extremely hard, some probably harder than others, but there's no denying that everyone tries hard to learn. But more than once, students have been unsure why they have received a certain grade-- yes, we know our mistakes, but we don't know what mistakes others have made and why they have scored higher or lower. There is also no time for us to find out all the mistakes that have been made. I'm not saying anything against anyone but it's just a hard truth that everyone is bell-curved. So it's important to go beyond appearances and seek the educational value within.
Sure, the world doesn't and will never agree with me, and I'll be laughed at if I parade my views, because my prospects will depend on whether I make it past a certain cut-off mark to secure an interview/secure a job. But at least with this thought, I know what I'm doing with myself.

2. I thought about my failed interview at the other school and I really wonder if the correct answer to that question was really a better answer. In fact for a long time I've been thinking about that question and I wonder what message they were trying to convey to me. I don't think I gave them the wrong answer. Values matter more than what we would eventually learn at school.

3. School is less important than I think it is. I mean, I still need it to get the all-important degree, and I need to pull up my socks so I can scrape by 2 more sucky years, but I shouldn't cry over it, or be jealous over it, which I have done quite often. I know it's unlikely that I'll stick to this 100% in future but let this be another reminder. Mum ever told me that it's not worth it to cry over school, and I accepted her advice even while knowing that I'm not always strong enough to follow it. And I will never exactly know whether I have a) tried my best but failed anyway, or b) slacked off/been stupid and got my just desserts. But well, some questions have no answer and it's also very important for me to keep moving ahead and stop mulling over pointless questions, which is another bad habit of mine.

4. I love holidays cos I can stay up late to watch HK dramas and blog about random crap.

5. Kevin Cheng is haawwt. :D Even if he is 24 years older than I am. (hey, that's exactly 2 zodiac cycles)

lovely song wheee

1. Patience
2. Being a good person
Believing in these things will eventually turn out better than cutting corners and warping my principles to try to achieve.. what, better grades? For whom?
Only I can walk my own path.