The switch from holiday mode to school mode is drastic and can be scary. That's exactly how I felt yesterday, a bit too tired, a bit too overwhelmed by the readings, a bit too un-confident about life. Actually there isn't a huge amount of readings to read, it's probably my time management-- it is mentally exhausting to try to rush through pages of readings only the day before every lesson, for 4 days in a row.
So I set a common goal with a friend to finish our week 3 readings by this weekend (if not all, maybe 80%). It can be a daunting goal but I just need to give myself more time and more trust.
I was thinking on the train today that the most poisonous thing in a person's mind is lack of trust in one's own abilities.
Okay maybe not. There are other things a 100 times worse that could poison a person's mind.
I went for a percussion workshop yesterday (here's their website: http://www.sambamasala.com/) and it was really cool playing all the instruments! And standing in the crowd and playing your own rhythm. :) I want to join them but am a bit hesitant because I don't know if I have enough hours in a week. But on the other hand it's an excellent stress reliever-- I was feeling rather down initially but after the workshop I felt that life is fine and dandy.
And I just finished an ocip interview. One of the interviewers really looks like my cousin; their faces are 99% alike. He just doesn't have my cousin's height. Cool. Is there anyone out there who looks 99% like me? I think it will be strange talking to somebody like that though.
Now is the time to put my finish-week-3-readings goal into action! No wait, first to clear week 2 backlog (just one article left).

My BGS prof said, go out and play! We'll only start getting serious around week 4. Go climb mountains, ride bicycles or whatever they ask you to do. But sadly that's not the case for other modules. I want to try out other things like CCA but I'm worried I might not have enough time. E.g. this percussion group has 3 sessions a week, each time being 3 hours.
But I guess I control my own time and I can make time for whatever I love to do?
If only I had a time bank D:
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Today I feel like a worm and I don't feel like doing anything other than studying or sleeping... When last night I was feeling so hyped up about everything.

Now the biggest question I want answered is, what makes people tick? 

Some people walk into the arena with the winning mentality, i.e. I will do well and I will do it my own way. 

Some are game for any challenges thrown their way and nothing makes them flinch.

But me? I guess people make me tick, i.e. I like working with people.

First day of school today! Rather drained from it. -___- I feel like taking the day off tomorrow already but I have a class tomorrow. Thankfully it's at 3.30 pm so I can sleep more. Or not! I have to do some readings for that class.
Today made me discover that I'm a really lazy and laidback person. Hopefully that will change soon. I'm thinking of the time when a senior advised us how to enjoy university-- she said we should be ourselves. But if I truly be myself I'll just lepak all day. Haha.
On the other hand I can get be a really kanchiong person too, depending on the atmosphere around me.
Creative thinking module was fun because a) the prof was engaging and b) he showed us the gangnam style video. But I was sleepy and didn't say a word in class; I only laughed at the video.
Enough waffling, I should read my notes!
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Today's now the 2nd day of school (decided to just chuck this in the same post). Felt really nervous before my lesson, somehow... I think it was because of the scary things I heard about this prof. But the lesson turned out alright because the prof was actually friendly! Albeit slightly anal because he was questioning people like what Socrates did to people in his time. The prof actually let us read a funny excerpt about Socrates and chickens before he got started.
And there's always something unnerving about going for your first class, alone... everything feels so foreign, and that feeling just added on to my restlessness.
But not anymore! I think tomorrow, the 3rd day, will be a better day because I'm getting the hang of the place.
Now to go read the 30+ pages for tomorrow's lesson. D:

Spent 3 days in Sentosa with family :) It was fun! We went to USS, took the Galactica (red), and I think it was one of the scariest rides of my life. My uncle suggested I try the blue Galactica but I couldn't summon the courage to try it. My legs were already wobbly after I took the red one.

Then went for bash. Personally, I think it was quite a fiasco because there were only 5 people there out of 9 from our og. Most of the time there was just 3 of us sitting there and feeling bored while the other 2 went off to find their friends. Had to shout to make ourselves heard too, which I was good at but which my friends were not good at so most of the time I was asking them to repeat themselves most of the time. Or maybe it was my terrible hearing. But overall it was quite fun watching 2 of our og mates getting crowned law king and queen. ;) What a lovely coincidence that they both came from our og. After the pageant 3 of us continued sitting to see if people would start dancing, but no one did except for about 3 other people waving their arms lazily about on the dance floor with cocktails in their hands... So we left. In conclusion, it was a very peaceful clubbing experience for me.

I don't know if I'm being unfriendly but I am consciously avoiding a what's app convo, because I feel like I've lost touch with those people. Heck, I was never truly close to them anyway. Over time I've drifted apart from them. They are closer because they've known each other for a longer time. How do you quit a w/a conversation without being rude? Meh, I'll just let it buzz.

What do you do when you see someone getting slowly eaten away by the daily grind of work? When the person turns so bitter that every word he says drips with negativity? It's really hard to reach out to people like that because they are so trapped in their own world of darkness, that they can't see any light in whatever consolation you provide. Sometimes I feel so angry at people like that, because their very presence puts out the happiness in any setting and hurts their loved ones. A person like that is just a black hole that destroys everything near it. It's the worst kind of person anyone can possibly can be. Other times I feel a tad useless and guilty because I haven't actually tried to reach out to and counsel these people. It's a huge challenge just to approach these people because you have to pick your way through all their angst and try not to let yourself or that person get hurt by it. And blogging about it doesn't change anything either. #genuinelypissed.

A really calming song:

I think I should take stock of what I want in my university life. This question of "what do I want in life?" always intimidates me, so whenever somebody asks me this question (which is not very often) I evade the question or shrug it off. It's easier if I break it down into "what do I want in university life?"
I think I have a vague idea of what I want in university.

CCA: I'd like to join choir/acapella, if there are no auditions or maybe if they hold group auditions. I might not be good at singing but I like it... And I have a feeling SMU has choirs/acapella groups that aren't that competitive? If not, I'll join a dance CCA that has not auditions either. Or else, I'll join a slack sports CCA that lets me play for fun. Or if not, I'll join gourmet club?

CIP: I'll put on hold the idea of doing OCIP just because I haven't done OCIP. That's just doing something for the sake of being able to tell people I've done it. I think I'm more interested in pro bono? For now.

Travel: I want to travel (maybe with friends)! It could be for a school exchange programme or it could be for fun. I just want get out there and explore the world without 'grown-ups' for once.

Something I realized about myself: My adrenaline shoots up really high whenever I have to introduce myself to a bunch of new people. Especially if they are sitting in a ring. I can actually feel my heart beating faster and some crackling goes on in my brain. The same thing happened when I was introducing myself to the cip people at nus, and also when I was introducing myself to my (smu) law og during our first dinner.
It doesn't happen when I introduce myself to just one or two new faces.
I think it's the thrill of introducing myself to a dozen new people at once.