If you're feeling a little emotionally inarticulate today, like I am, but badly in need of some therapy to soothe you of the day's...turmoil... here's a nice classical music piece for you. I think it's rather famous... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bVRTtcWmXI (the Chaconne by Bach; whatever a chaconne is...)

A chaconne (French pronunciation: [ʃaˈkɔn]; Italian: ciaccona) is a type of musical composition popular in the baroque era when it was much used as a vehicle for variation on a repeated short harmonic progression, often involving a fairly short repetitive bass-line (ground bass) which offered a compositional outline for variation, decoration, figuration and melodic invention. In this it closely resembles the Passacaglia.

There you go, some reading-up to distract you.

That day I encountered a few amusing/noteworthy/weird events, and that very night all these events culminated into one of the weirdest dreams I've had in all time.

Sometimes it feels overwhelming, but I think I've been through work avalanches before so I feel less anxious about it than I would have if I were...a few years younger.

Anyway, something happened during Econs lesson on Friday that was quite touching. The teacher let us listen to this song called 悟 by 刘德华. Contrary to what the title might suggest it wasn't about making us feel guilty about getting horrible horrible marks (like mine certainly were). It was to comfort us. She told us life wasn't all about grades, and we should not lose ourselves in this mindless, timeless struggle to get good grades, or to beat everyone in grades. All we have to remember is to always try our best and not let ourselves down, if not we'll live a life of regrets thereafter, and possibly let down a whole lot of other people too. So yes, follow your own standards, be true to yourself, and stop conforming to society's notion of brilliance-- As, A stars, full marks and whatever can follow beyond that.

"为何君视而不见 规矩定方圆  悟性 悟觉 悟空 心甘情愿 " 

悟空-- realizing how very empty you are inside.

I don't think I did my best for blocks though.

I'm also really anxious about syf, description will end here. But the point of this paragraph is that I'm grateful about what leng said that dya, about wanting to give newbies a chance to go for syf so that we can experience it for ourselves. (the excitement, the trauma, etc.) There are auditions. I really hope I pass it, or that they are lenient, merciful, whatever. High school band got gold, and we are supposed to be better.

1st draft of IS due 31st April (then cheryl pointed out to me that there was no such date lol). So I guess it's due 1st May. Omgwtfbbqasdf 3 days before SYF, how to finish?

I know I'm supposed to not blog, to just work every minute of the day... like what some people seem to be doing, it seems to me. But I need to clear my mind of these emotions so I can concentrate on my work. Because my brain is small, and cannot contain so many things.

Well I suppose anything is possible and I can finish all my work at superhuman speed together with blogging. And I don't think I even have as much work as some people, since I have no h3.

I feel like I was too afraid of being alone, too afraid of being...independent.

I'm pleased because I've started reading Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro.

May my fats turn into muscles, and may all my muscles have lots of ATP tomorrow.

I've been hearing the word 'sian' a lot, especially today. Apparently everyone is feeling the same.

Anger Management

For once in a long while, I felt exceedingly peeved today.

But it was probably because I immediately went to imagine the worst scenario possible which promptly made me feel a huge bubble of rage rising up in me.

On hindsight I think I was over-reacting and it was actually quite reasonable. But I still feel angry when I think about it.

Anyway after I felt all this anger I felt extremely tired. I just wanted to pack up and leave, sit somewhere alone.

But then I realized that there was absolutely no point because no one was going to realize. And I didn't want anybody to realize either. So yeah I cheered up a bit.

And I'll stop being so self-centred.

And there's no point talking about it here. Plus I'll end up sounding like a spoilt brat who hasn't grown up. Because immature is what I can be sometimes, seriously.

Whateverz. Gonna bathe and let all anger wash down the drain. Then off to do work. Because life moves on even when you're angry.

So why be angry?

Just believe that you will try your best when the day comes. And if it doesn't work out, pick up from there, plan up other things, other paths you can take. It doesn't help to hole up in a corner emo-ing.

Sighs.

Quite a horrible situation with someone like who's too mentally tired to do anything about it.

Fact is I just don't have a plan and I'm just spending time flapping around the house.

Today I will

1) Finish binomial

2) Write the testimonials

3) Try to do some KI.

Right I just wasted the evening away. 8(

Drama-mama.

Oh the agony!

Of having countless more days in school.

Of realizing immediately after that my carefree(?) school days are coming to an end.

Of realizing immediately after again that I'm just wasting more time typing this.

Oh goodbye.

I feel like punching somebody. No one in particular.

Finally sat myself down (at 10.40 pm) and now I'm attempting to start my IS.

Really grateful that I have comments (sometimes they don't give comments) and I think going by the comments my proposal was that close to being rejected but nvm that's not the point. In fact there is no point to this post now I'm just feeling this bit frustrated (not due to KI) so I need to vent the frustration by expending energy tapping on this keyboard.

Quite happy because I went to buy peanut-butter-flavoured M&Ms out of pure whim just now, and they really taste good OH YEAH OMNOMNOM. Haha hy good recommendation! :D please tell me more about any other candy you eat. :)

In other comments! SYF is a month away! The last SYF I had was choir in primary school. O: Quite fun practising. (but even more fun listening to the mp3 recording and listening out for my own part, or picking out other less-heard parts like maybe a little trumpet here and a little bassoon there and a clanging of chimes amidst all the racket the brasses are making).

Okay can you tell this is just therapeutic typing I'm not really blogging. Mixed in with some procrastination because I, well, I'm attempting to start KI. Although I swore to myself and crossed my heart quite a few times today that I would write something out by tonight.

And just now I went for the SSO casual concert. Got into the concert hall just in time before the doors closed. Was promptly greeted by a huge crashing bang on the bass drum on the stage because the music started as we made our way to the seats.

Sometime yesterday I sort of realized more clearly that one day I'm going to not be a student anymore very soon, and I'm going to have to manage everything myself, food, lodging, money, jobs, etc.

Okay whatever KI time bye bye. I do wish I had more time to spend with you guys.

Live my own life: living by my standards, my decisions; there are no limits to what my choices can be. And as long as I continue to make rational, well thought-out choices, there can never be a mistake that's too grave to make right again.

Yes, on a less cryptic note, a rational choice for this very moment would be to get down and dirty in KI.

Really like this song by the way. It's the tune, the voice, probably not the lyrics since the music video is already so painful to my eyes: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADmCFmYLns4

Wonderful day today; it's one of the rarer days when I see people laughing a lot and when I laugh too. :)

My brother's coming back from India tomorrow! Yay.

Somehow last night/today some kind of fog was lifted from my mind and I wondered at all the angst I felt the past few days. I mean, I don't need to keep wondering about the Perfect Plan of my Life and debate with myself where I should go after this. It just brings a lot of unnecessary...emo-ing. And sometime, a few months ago, might be last year, I do remember telling myself that I love school and I really want to enjoy the last proper school year that I have. And spending it in throes of dark emotion is just not what I want.

The issue is not so much of where I would belong in future, but whether I will be at peace with myself in the choices I make. And the latter is easier to attain. For example, I will only do things which I like. Or things which give me a reasonable (not too much) amount of money to spend on things like... iPhones etc. Material stuff. Of course a balance between the two is ideal but if I really have to choose I'll choose the 1st over the 2nd.

Sigh really quite tired. I have muscle aches in an area I never knew had muscles? Like right above my kneecap. How did I get so unfit within the space of one year? Zzz.

Some things are better left unsaid, and it's not just secrets and gossip, but also more practical things like short-term goals, because if I say them out, then I'll just forget about them. If I let it hover around in my mind I will feel more compelled to achieve it.

I've got a wish. I wish to have a day and a night to spend all by myself, with no one around me, not anyone I know, not any strangers. Preferably in a place like a treehouse. Without the laptop, without my phone. And I'll spend the time wondering first about all the things I don't have time to wonder about now. Then I'll do my IS (so I'll need all my research to be in the treehouse). For the rest of the time... I'll read storybooks. And the treehouse must be well-stocked with food too.

Okay goodnight I'm going to sleep and have dreams about my ideal treehouse.