We're droplets of water on a windowpane.
The windowpane of a moving car.
The wind pushes us and we madly flow into each others' embrace.
A sweet embrace.
Drops bunch together. It's a lovely union of friends.
A gust of wind slams into us
We separate, inexplicably.
No warnings
No goodbyes
We can't turn back (or we don't want to turn back)
And we move on.
Leaving bits of ourselves behind on a water trail.
The car stops. We take the moment to breathe.
A young girl in the car snaps a picture through the rain-splattered window.
The drops on the window dapple the streets outside.
The girl smiles.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
What creates a dull ache in a person's heart: unexplained refusal.
If one must refuse, the kindest thing to do would be to explain.
Fuck it, guys, I'm really upset right now. Where did all the love and peace in the world go to? I can only find it within myself. And at home. Anything outside is a void. And the void doesn't care, the void is stone.
I could totally descend into a whirlpool of emotions now and goodness knows when I'll be able to pull my head out. I can barely keep my head above the surface right now. But I tell myself that the fact that the Void does not appreciate what I love only reaffirms the magnitude of my beliefs and my passions.
I do not care what the Void does.
I will bestow my passions freely and lovingly, but only where it is appreciated.
I am who I am. And I do not need anyone to reaffirm that. Not a single person.
If one must refuse, the kindest thing to do would be to explain.
Fuck it, guys, I'm really upset right now. Where did all the love and peace in the world go to? I can only find it within myself. And at home. Anything outside is a void. And the void doesn't care, the void is stone.
I could totally descend into a whirlpool of emotions now and goodness knows when I'll be able to pull my head out. I can barely keep my head above the surface right now. But I tell myself that the fact that the Void does not appreciate what I love only reaffirms the magnitude of my beliefs and my passions.
I do not care what the Void does.
I will bestow my passions freely and lovingly, but only where it is appreciated.
I am who I am. And I do not need anyone to reaffirm that. Not a single person.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Show me that you're human, you won't break
Like a thief in the light, you can't hide, you can't hide from your shadow
It's the only thing you own
And you don't need to pretend that perfection is your friend
'cause we're all broken
We all end alone
Show me that you're human, you won't break
Oh love your flaws and live for your mistakes
Beauty's on the surface wearing thin
Come closer show the marks upon your skin
Show me that you're human
You're a spark without flame
I'm a desert in the rain,
You're a mountain and I'm a stepping stone
So walk away from your pride
It's a demon in disguise
And it won't help you calm the swelling tide
~Human by Gabrielle Aplin
So lovely, I'm at peace now
I believe in kindness, peace, and selective blindness.
Wounds become scar tissue. Scar tissue that cannot be showed to the world because the world will think you're an emotional weakling. So you cover it up with skin and clothes. You take it in your stride and move on with your life.
Dreams are hindered more by doubt than by failure. So don't let these scars increase your doubt. Don't think that you're a lesser person because of the way people treat you. Things that people do around you sometimes have no explanation at all. Humans are human. To be human is sometimes to be selfish, and insensitive, and reclusive, and sometimes they ignore you. Silences speak the loudest. But I have to accept their flaws, because the only alternative is for me to become a hermit. I sound kinda emotional but I have reasons which are a little too sensitive to be placed here. But it's nothing serious. As somebody in Pooh said, the smallest things take up the most room in my heart. So that explains my reaction. This was supposed to be an upbeat post but I've ended up typing out everything that's been bothering me for days. So this is how it feels when something close to your heart doesn't work out the way you want it to. And this something is actually quite a small part of my life that it's quite laughable how much it's impacting me. Maybe it's a sign that I'm being a little too sensitive. Maybe it's also a sign how I've been given almost everything I've wanted in my life, so now when I don't get something that means so much to me, it hits me hard.
So the bottom line is that I need to move on with my life as I said several sentences ago. I want to believe in freedom, and autonomy, and kindness, and I should let others have it as much as I want to have it myself. And that comes with sacrifices like this.
Wounds become scar tissue. Scar tissue that cannot be showed to the world because the world will think you're an emotional weakling. So you cover it up with skin and clothes. You take it in your stride and move on with your life.
Dreams are hindered more by doubt than by failure. So don't let these scars increase your doubt. Don't think that you're a lesser person because of the way people treat you. Things that people do around you sometimes have no explanation at all. Humans are human. To be human is sometimes to be selfish, and insensitive, and reclusive, and sometimes they ignore you. Silences speak the loudest. But I have to accept their flaws, because the only alternative is for me to become a hermit. I sound kinda emotional but I have reasons which are a little too sensitive to be placed here. But it's nothing serious. As somebody in Pooh said, the smallest things take up the most room in my heart. So that explains my reaction. This was supposed to be an upbeat post but I've ended up typing out everything that's been bothering me for days. So this is how it feels when something close to your heart doesn't work out the way you want it to. And this something is actually quite a small part of my life that it's quite laughable how much it's impacting me. Maybe it's a sign that I'm being a little too sensitive. Maybe it's also a sign how I've been given almost everything I've wanted in my life, so now when I don't get something that means so much to me, it hits me hard.
So the bottom line is that I need to move on with my life as I said several sentences ago. I want to believe in freedom, and autonomy, and kindness, and I should let others have it as much as I want to have it myself. And that comes with sacrifices like this.
Now here I go again, I see, the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
I can relate to those words.
Very much.
On an unrelated note I really hate it when people try to control me. Tell me what I can do, what I can't do.
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me
Who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
I can relate to those words.
Very much.
On an unrelated note I really hate it when people try to control me. Tell me what I can do, what I can't do.
Friday, January 24, 2014
was surfing tumblr and found a post by some random tumblr-er out there that i REALLY LOVE
"In my life, I’ve explained what I am based on grades and friends and clubs and sports. I found my adjectives in my hundreds of books.
But I’m ready to change my self and this setting. I want to decide who I am. I want to base it on the words of the world."
all's well now that i managed to secure a group swap so i'm not so busy. anyway this wasn't the point!
i love 3 day weeks. workload is still heavy but i get to the weekend really fast and can even extend it. ;)
just wanted to say that we shouldn't let anything define us, because we define ourselves. and don't compare yourself to anyone else.
it's really tiring to be so serious all the time,
and i'm tired now
so goodnight
:D
who's behind that suit and tie
who dwells among the plastered walls and stainless steel railings
who is it behind that anxious face
can i find you there?
WOW i'm trying to study finance but i keep zoning out to this beautiful voice
i love 3 day weeks. workload is still heavy but i get to the weekend really fast and can even extend it. ;)
just wanted to say that we shouldn't let anything define us, because we define ourselves. and don't compare yourself to anyone else.
it's really tiring to be so serious all the time,
and i'm tired now
so goodnight
:D
who's behind that suit and tie
who dwells among the plastered walls and stainless steel railings
who is it behind that anxious face
can i find you there?
WOW i'm trying to study finance but i keep zoning out to this beautiful voice
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Life looks bad when you get too serious about it.
Just chill, give a confident look and say, it's all under control.
(mysmufeels.tumblr.com)
brain went into hyperdrive when i found out i have a concert in week 5 and 2 law presentations in week 6, which can't be rescheduled. Oh and great I just found out there's an essay test on week 6 as well.
but well, i guess it's just a matter of getting used to it and adapting your perspective...
Just chill, give a confident look and say, it's all under control.
(mysmufeels.tumblr.com)
brain went into hyperdrive when i found out i have a concert in week 5 and 2 law presentations in week 6, which can't be rescheduled. Oh and great I just found out there's an essay test on week 6 as well.
but well, i guess it's just a matter of getting used to it and adapting your perspective...
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sunday, January 19, 2014
There's more selfishness in this world than I thought there was about a week ago.
I am disappointed. I thought I couldn't get any more cynical but now it seems my cynicism knows no limits.
But so? Who gives a hoot about this girl's feelings? I'm just a parasitic student learning the ways of the world. People will go on doing their own revision, having their lunches, planning their overseas trips. The world moves on. And so shall I, but with greater awareness. And zero self-pity.
"Did you hear that?" She whispered.
"What?"
She paused to let him listen. After a few seconds, his eyes narrowed in curiosity.
"Yes. What's that?"
They both heard it. The slow fall of a rock bouncing down a cliff. The sounds were sparse, punctuated with long silences. But it sounded very far off. Only they could hear it. The rest of the world didn't have good ears like they had. Mum told them they were born with it.
"That is the sound of humanity crumbling." She lowered her head.
I am disappointed. I thought I couldn't get any more cynical but now it seems my cynicism knows no limits.
But so? Who gives a hoot about this girl's feelings? I'm just a parasitic student learning the ways of the world. People will go on doing their own revision, having their lunches, planning their overseas trips. The world moves on. And so shall I, but with greater awareness. And zero self-pity.
"Did you hear that?" She whispered.
"What?"
She paused to let him listen. After a few seconds, his eyes narrowed in curiosity.
"Yes. What's that?"
They both heard it. The slow fall of a rock bouncing down a cliff. The sounds were sparse, punctuated with long silences. But it sounded very far off. Only they could hear it. The rest of the world didn't have good ears like they had. Mum told them they were born with it.
"That is the sound of humanity crumbling." She lowered her head.
Friday, January 17, 2014
Life is so much bigger than I am. I could try much harder if I had a larger capacity but I'm limited by the amount of human energy I have. It's strange but I've never felt limited by my humanness before.
I'm talking about how I could actually give more for samba, and how I could actually do more for law.
(and notice my choice of words! samba is a collective effort that I can actually give to, but law is something to do because it's self-serving)
But no, yesterday I was already falling asleep on the mrt...
Well, it's nothing much, I'll just go on by with life enjoying myself.
I'm talking about how I could actually give more for samba, and how I could actually do more for law.
(and notice my choice of words! samba is a collective effort that I can actually give to, but law is something to do because it's self-serving)
But no, yesterday I was already falling asleep on the mrt...
Well, it's nothing much, I'll just go on by with life enjoying myself.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
你们之间的感情有多深?
全世界里可能只有你在想这个问题.
没有其他人在乎这问题的答案.
因为分了又散，散了又分.
问了这种问题, 只会引来众人的嘲笑.
"你到底长大了吗? 还问这种无聊的问题干嘛."
Trying to study and be efficient, as the Singaporean mantra goes ("efficiency!!"), but I have too much feels in my head and I needed to write them out. (without sounding like a bawling spoilt brat, which explains the cryptic nature of my post)
Maybe it's because of all these thoughts I had, but I think the individual is probably the most insignificant thing in the world. Who on earth gives a hoot about what the person next to them thinks? Well, no one, at least not in the place where I live. Everyone only cares about either themselves or the larger situation/greater good. But in a bizarre way, the individual is also the most precious. Because it contains everything in your world. Yes, it contains love. It contains hatred. It contains your philosophies. Without it there would be no spiritual and emotional life. The individual is almost sacred. And ironically, I do believe very much in love, even though it is the very anti-thesis of the individual, whose status I seem to elevate above other things. What I really mean is, there is always a part of you that remains hidden from even the people closest to you. Which part it is could be different, because you are a different person around different people. No one, and no one at all, understands you in the entirety. And even though at times you yearn so much for that understanding, it slips you by. Because it is impossible. A personality is the proverbial elephant being touched and felt by blind men, and these blind men are your loved ones and friends. But at the same time, you are also a blind man trying to figure out who your loved one is-- yes, no matter how long you have known that person, or lived with that person even. So there's no need to feel too special about your individuality.
This philosophy is something different from what I used to believe in. (I guess I believed in total, pure understanding; a perfect confluence of personalities.) I can't say I'm not hurt by it. But hey, when change shows up at your doorstep, it's here to stay. It's here to stay in my mind. It's here in me.
It's me.
And it would do no good to dwell too much on this. It's weird how many words I can type about a simple matter. Just accept it and move on, do the world some good, spread some love around. Make the world a more beautiful place.
omfg my readings.
全世界里可能只有你在想这个问题.
没有其他人在乎这问题的答案.
因为分了又散，散了又分.
问了这种问题, 只会引来众人的嘲笑.
"你到底长大了吗? 还问这种无聊的问题干嘛."
Trying to study and be efficient, as the Singaporean mantra goes ("efficiency!!"), but I have too much feels in my head and I needed to write them out. (without sounding like a bawling spoilt brat, which explains the cryptic nature of my post)
Maybe it's because of all these thoughts I had, but I think the individual is probably the most insignificant thing in the world. Who on earth gives a hoot about what the person next to them thinks? Well, no one, at least not in the place where I live. Everyone only cares about either themselves or the larger situation/greater good. But in a bizarre way, the individual is also the most precious. Because it contains everything in your world. Yes, it contains love. It contains hatred. It contains your philosophies. Without it there would be no spiritual and emotional life. The individual is almost sacred. And ironically, I do believe very much in love, even though it is the very anti-thesis of the individual, whose status I seem to elevate above other things. What I really mean is, there is always a part of you that remains hidden from even the people closest to you. Which part it is could be different, because you are a different person around different people. No one, and no one at all, understands you in the entirety. And even though at times you yearn so much for that understanding, it slips you by. Because it is impossible. A personality is the proverbial elephant being touched and felt by blind men, and these blind men are your loved ones and friends. But at the same time, you are also a blind man trying to figure out who your loved one is-- yes, no matter how long you have known that person, or lived with that person even. So there's no need to feel too special about your individuality.
This philosophy is something different from what I used to believe in. (I guess I believed in total, pure understanding; a perfect confluence of personalities.) I can't say I'm not hurt by it. But hey, when change shows up at your doorstep, it's here to stay. It's here to stay in my mind. It's here in me.
It's me.
And it would do no good to dwell too much on this. It's weird how many words I can type about a simple matter. Just accept it and move on, do the world some good, spread some love around. Make the world a more beautiful place.
omfg my readings.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Monday, January 13, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Thursday, January 9, 2014
School sucks. The people suck. The people are superficial and self-centred. And those who aren't -- those who are fine-- don't seem to want to stay in school any longer than necessary. The work is really difficult. I'm sleep deprived after doing readings but there's still so much to understand.
But I did tell myself that emo-ing excessively isn't going to work.
CRIES.
OKAY I JUST NEED REST.
But I did tell myself that emo-ing excessively isn't going to work.
CRIES.
OKAY I JUST NEED REST.
Monday, January 6, 2014
gah people are making me pissed and i'm smiling to them on the outside. i hate behaving like that. friggin' law school. just make your own decisions, can't you, and if you wanna ask me for advice, you don't say weird things like oh we picked the same, so much competition! and i'm not at the good end of the competition either, my gpa sucks, blah. hope my internship choices are not being copied wholesale. urgh. also, do i look like i'm all-knowing? pfft. i'm flattered if people discuss their choices and doubts with me and ask me questions, but don't take it for granted. rarh. not helping you anymore.
okay if you're reading this, you are not who i'm talking about. don't worry. you don't need to burden yourself with the angsty me.
i need to see the lighter sides of human nature. i've had enough of the insecure, manipulative side.
and i need to stop wasting time angsting.
goodbye.
okay if you're reading this, you are not who i'm talking about. don't worry. you don't need to burden yourself with the angsty me.
i need to see the lighter sides of human nature. i've had enough of the insecure, manipulative side.
and i need to stop wasting time angsting.
goodbye.
My new year resolution is stated a few posts below... ('in lieu of school... etcetc')
Anyway right now I will push it a little and I will sound emotional and angsty about my academic performance.
Because I have to chide myself. I just saw the grade distribution. I've always known that I'm somewhere in the 20th percentile, but I've never acknowledged it to myself or anyone... and I'll say it now. \sobs\ I am somewhere in the 20th percentile.
So I better pull up my socks.
Or things will start getting baaaaaaaaad.
And I'm saying this seriously without all the existential wifflewaffle that I used to love to engage in.
It's not that I'm hopeless; I actually do well in certain types of modules... These modules tend to be the fluffier ones... The more freestyle, open-ended ones... Okay, I shall stop comforting myself, stop licking my wounds. The truth remains. I need to change for the better.
And I need to stop thinking about things I can't change. Just-- move on, get a life, improve.
Anyway right now I will push it a little and I will sound emotional and angsty about my academic performance.
Because I have to chide myself. I just saw the grade distribution. I've always known that I'm somewhere in the 20th percentile, but I've never acknowledged it to myself or anyone... and I'll say it now. \sobs\ I am somewhere in the 20th percentile.
So I better pull up my socks.
Or things will start getting baaaaaaaaad.
And I'm saying this seriously without all the existential wifflewaffle that I used to love to engage in.
It's not that I'm hopeless; I actually do well in certain types of modules... These modules tend to be the fluffier ones... The more freestyle, open-ended ones... Okay, I shall stop comforting myself, stop licking my wounds. The truth remains. I need to change for the better.
And I need to stop thinking about things I can't change. Just-- move on, get a life, improve.
Friday, January 3, 2014
Saw an article called Mentally Strong People: the 13 things they avoid on my newsfeed.
Nubbad. Please read it i.e. click on it. It just seems to resonate with almost everything the world is trying to tell me.
^_^
Nubbad. Please read it i.e. click on it. It just seems to resonate with almost everything the world is trying to tell me.
^_^
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)