I find it increasingly peaceful to be by myself. Which is good I guess. It could get boring sometimes but I still like it. And I've been seeing a few shares on facebook about how being alone is good. Speak of coincidences. Oscar Wilde once said that it's very healthy to be alone and we should learn how to be ourselves and not be defined by other people.
I see what people mean when they talk about personal space, and working relationships, and like-dislike mash-ups of feelings.
And I find that being by myself just puts everything back in perspective.
And I dislike acquisitive behaviour. It's seems quite... self-centred.
Need I talk about my backlog again? It's just crazy. It's off the charts. And I'm still trying to have a normal life while clearing it.

Here's an old song of John Mayer's. Never realized before how charming his songs were.

That spark of determination.
Please don't leave me.
It's the spark that says, it's crazy, but I'm going to dive headlong into it since there's no avoiding it anyway.
Why am I so awake? This is bad, I've got to be up in 5 hours.

Sometimes all it takes is a belief.
I just need to believe that I can do it.
That belief was really strong in Year 1, I don't know why it's been weakening this semester.
What really sustained my belief last year was...I don't know.
What I thought last year was that... I could conquer anything and I could do anything with this attitude of mine.
Wow, okay, so it helps to look at the past.
I know I'm getting more jaded -- and I'm still a lot less jaded than most adults I think-- but what I need to do is to keep this jadedness separate from my attitude.
I know I'm seeing things differently now... what used to look like Disneyland just looks like... well, reality now.
And I know that my country was once apparently described as Disneyland.
I know I sound a bit neurotic here but these are really some of my deepest thoughts... so that's why.
Yeah, and all I need is a belief... A belief that I can still conquer whatever I set out to conquer in year 1.
'Cos life is about moving forward and not retreating. Retreating just defeats the whole point of life itself.
And when you feel currents moving against you, you just have to double the strength of that belief and push on with a mighty YELL.

I'm just this close to becoming a UK citizen, honestly.



Just that well, I'm based here and all my family and friends are here, so, I'm still here. And I'm a student and I'm not extraordinarily rich and can't move house across the seas and mountains just like that.

Okay today is a day of Great Enlightenment in Property Law, Company Law and All The Great Questions in My Life.
Today is an important day.
Bye.

It's so easy to feel contempt for the people around me but it's also equally easy to feel affection for them.
It's not easy when my experience with emotions was one-dimensional for the first 15 or so years of my life, and now they are acquiring new dimensions and I've got to get used to them.
Right so... I'm here cos I'm not sure where to get started. With my work I mean.
I've learnt how personal space is sacred. You need to preserve a part of yourself that you can express fully without backlashes from other people's equally dynamic and volatile emotions.
So I'm really enjoying my solitude right now, with me and my music. Oh, and of course my readings.
Came back and decided to continue reading The Rape of Nanking... and I regretted it. It makes for rather tense and emotional reading. And the feelings last.
:(
I might have scared somebody because my friend and I were discussing WWII history and I was explaining my rather emotionally-tainted stance, when a bored classmate drifted over and asked me to repeat what I was saying... So I bluntly repeated my opinions and her face was like "eeyer... why am I talking to marsha." Alright... sorry... no... I'm not dangerous... I don't bite...

I feel like there's so many waves crashing inside me
But I still feel calm
I know that the waves are meant to be there.

It would be really nice if I could be sitting at the beach now with my laptop.
Then I'd do my work by the beach and hear all the waves crashing.
But in reality that wouldn't work cos I know I'd be distracted by all the shadows lurking around in the trees around me.

We were never meant to stand on firm, flat ground. The earth is round, for goodness' sake! Whatever we do, we are always balancing ourselves on this huge ball that is Earth. Our whole life is a balancing act.