//mind-numbing sundays//

Don't ask what others can do for you, ask what you can do for others.

Forgot who said this before. Anyway, I wholeheartedly agree. But sometimes I wish I could do something more useful for this world than study. I mean, I know that what I'm studying (and this applies to any other field of study actually) can be put to good use in the future, if I've got the right mindset and all. Right now I'm just stuck in this moment numbing my brain with technical concepts that I'm not sure will ever be useful. Studying, on its own, never helped anyone achieve anything useful. Especially when the nature of your course is that studying just takes up a lot of time. I feel like I just wanna graduate right now. 

Some people may say that making contributions to society/doing something useful might be jumping the gun, after all students should just stay students and enjoy life before they go out into the working world. There's some truth in that, which is why I let loose sometimes and try to go out with friends/family to take my mind off things. But at the back of my mind there's a niggling awareness that I'm still actually not a very useful member of society and that I don't know how to be useful while juggling mind-numbing schoolwork. Ask someone on the street what their micro-goal is in life at this moment, they would probably say something cool like, taking care of my kids, designing this product, increasing sales of that product, doing some research, etc. Ask me what my micro-goal in life is now, I'll just tell you that I wanna get through this semester which has exactly 1 deadline and 3 exams left for me. And several mind-numbing lectures in the process.

Okay, perhaps I'm learning something in the process. And learning should not come with a price. But today I don't feel like recognizing the benefits of learning in itself. Perhaps tomorrow I will awake a new person, as I usually do. Perhaps all this grumbling and grousing can be sidelined with the common refrain that "youngsters nowadays don't know how to work hard".

I think since young I've just never really liked school. This would be roughly my 16th year schooling. Well if I've gone through the past 15 years, then the 16th year should go by like a breeze. If only I'd stop wondering about whether there's any point to the stuff I'm reading.