Feeling a bit sian now, so it's time for reflecting on 2011! Actually reflecting is a bit useless since my reflections will change everyday. But still, here goes. Maybe I'll have 12 talking points since it's going to be 2012. It's going to be boring, please skip it, it's for personal entertainment. Unless you are bored now, then maybe you deserve more boring stuff to read, so you can read on if you want.

1) I realized that I have two rather extreme personalities: right now I guess my personality is the opposite of how I was feeling yesterday and two days ago, which was when I was feeling very sociable.

2) My brother is cute. Really. I've only recently started to take a good look at him and I realized that he's cute. But he just whacked me. I guess you have to take the bad with the good.

3) I feel that good education is a double-edged sword: I know it's a huge privilege to be able to study like that in Singapore. But this highly-polished education has developed some characteristics that I don't really admire in myself. 

But oh well, let's all love ourselves and stop disliking ourselves.

4) I dislike prolonged social activity (not more than 3 consecutive days). So if I don't treat you as well as I usually do, doesn't mean I don't like you. It means I'm tired.

5) I'd like to have stars on my ceiling, like in Hogwarts. Then I can stargaze in my HDB flat. This is called maximizing space, which is hot stuff in Singapore.

6) I'm afraid of obligations.

7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12) I am young.

This hamster looks like it has an attitude.

If something absurd is going on, you are likely to be correct if you attribute it to crowd mentality.

I think I suffer from mild schizophrenia. I don't switch personalities by the minute, hour or day, but by the year/month. I think I have two different personalities.
Because today I got home, and started planning what I'd do to play the rest of the day away. Where did this playful me come from? Just months ago I was such a serious person.
I read something on tumblr. It went something like, "You can never be as young as you were a second ago." That really got me sitting up. So, to pay tribute to this sentence:

Weather update: My stomach is growling.

So today I went for NUH attachment Day One. I'm sure right now there's a question in your head: why? Since I've flatly refused to apply for medicine. I guess the only benefit of me helping out there at zero cost is that it messes with my mind. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because when your mind has been too ordered for a long time (i.e. while preparing for A levels), it can be good to mess it up a little. (Actually, Day One wasn't really "helping out". I really just slacked there. I hope this slacking doesn't last...)
---
I realize that maybe throughout my 12 years of education I've grown to love my grades more than I do myself. It is a chilling thought. But it feels good to know that I can do more to treat myself better now.

I felt like I had a lot of things to blog about, but I think blogging will reduce my amount of talking, which is unhealthy. So, zip!

My brother showed me this article: http://www.todayonline.com/Voices/EDC111226-0000019/Disparity-in-tertiary-education-facilities#.TvfagqyflYU.facebook
Read it yourself.
And then... I will share my thoughts!

When I first read it I generally agreed with the writer, but I felt there was something wrong with his article although I couldn't pinpoint it immediately.
After a while I read it again (as well as the comments) and found out why I didn't sit so comfortably with the author's argument. I realized that I was guilty of elitism! Firstly, I didn't realize that it was wrong to say that "the best and brightest students" are not found in ITE. Of course, "best" and "brightest" are subjective terms and are unfair when used carelessly like in his article. It is not fair to compare who is the best when the type of education received is totally different. If you throw me in ITE I don't think I'd do very well; for one thing, I'm clumsy and blur and I rarely do technical work.
But you can't really blame me for not spotting the error immediately, right? All my life I've grown up in a tight, small social circle and I rarely mix with people not from my school (because frankly the only place I've gone to is school. Except for that one time I was at NUH and we met some students from polytechnic. That's all.)
And it is hard to spot the mistake when the author uses meritocracy to support his argument. Sure, Singapore swears by meritocracy. But it is dangerous when meritocracy is measured with a singular scale, with ITE at the bottom, followed by polytechnics, followed by JCs. Who should really be at the top of this scale? Should it really be measured by educational background? So, it's unfair and narrow-minded to label JC students as the "best and brightest". It is easy to make this mistake since we are JC students ourselves.
Yup, there's my response. On a rather related note, elitism is part of what fuelled the mindless massacre of Jews during World War II. This is how dangerous elitism can be. We shouldn't let it fester in our minds! I mention this because I visited the concentration camp at Auschwitz during my holiday. :)
In the next post maybe, I'll talk more about my trip...

Currently sitting on a chair in a hotel room in Prague, Czech! It's really thanks to my aunts and uncle that I can even holiday here. East europe is beautiful beyond words; all I can do is stare and revolve 360 degrees wherever I go and take lots and lots of photos. :) Even their houses are pretty! ( that was in Berlin) I think of Singaporean architecture and shake my head. The tour guide is a very interesting character. He reminds me of Aunty Lucy. (he just doesn't flick his head every second.) I finally found wifi today and hooked myself onto the Singaporean network on Facebook and suddenly felt closer home. :')

Bye Singapore! I'm flying to eastern Europe. Back on 23rd. Prom was great, I wouldnt mind going for a thousand more proms :)

I've finally decided that I'll just apply to one US university. Compromising between my laziness and my obligations to teachers. 

Still, it's no mean feat. 

"Describe a character in fiction, a historical figure, or a creative work (as in art, music, science, etc.) that has had an influence on you, and explain that influence." (maybe I'll fangirl about 2cellos)

And the other one: "Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study."

Boring essays aside...

Sometimes it is heartwarming to know that there are so many people that care for you. Sometimes it's also frustrating to know that there are so many people who are concerned about you. The attention and the resultant lack of privacy can be suffocating. I ever wondered how it would be like if I were one of many siblings fighting for attention from their elder relatives. At least I'd have more freedom.

But what is privacy and freedom? The lines that define these two are so malleable. I could replace the seeming "lack of privacy" and "lack of freedom" with obligations, with my responsibility to treat people who care for me as nicely as I can. 

It's just like how "cool" is such a meaningless word. I use it when referring to things that I like, that's all. But no one can define what "cool" means. (Try wikipedia)

It's all a matter of preference.

Sometimes there is a question at the tip of my tongue that I want to ask my mum, but then something stops me and a voice in my head says, "Don't ask that, I've grown up". It's happening more often. I wish it had started happening earlier.
Okay, actually, I'm here because I'm procrastinating. I don't know how to make a particular decision! I know I've been very attracted by the idea of studying overseas for a long time, but every other day I change my mind and change it back again! Don't read on if you don't want to hear me weigh the pros and cons of going overseas. Go on to Facebook or Youtube or whatever dubious websites you might visit.

This is a very sweet song :3


I don't want to go overseas because
1) I don't want to spend my holidays writing common app essays (there's 3 to write in all). I know I'm lazy.
2) Do I really love travelling alone so much that I'll give up seeing my family and friends in Singapore for prolonged periods?
3) Do I really want to get a scholarship and spend my youth in a company that (to be honest) I don't really care for? The only thing I care for in a scholarship is the money. I haven't found a company that I really want to work in yet. And it's really too early to tell what kind of company I'd identify with, I haven't even worked in a part-time job yet.
4) I haven't mixed enough with Singaporeans.

I want to go overseas because
1) Singapore is 581.5 square kilometres big. If I go to Europe, I'll have the whole of Europe to myself, at discounted rates! (since airfares would be cheaper). Or if I go to USA.
This is a very important reason.
2) I've taken the SATs (and paid for them, ouch)
3) I've already told some teachers that I want to apply. Will they kill me if I change my mind?
4) I haven't mixed with people from overseas before.

The reasons I give for "I don't want to go overseas" actually sound more compelling. Will I regret my decision months later?
Or maybe I'll just swear to myself to never look back and move on. After all, every decision I make will have an opportunity cost.
Life is a dream. Somehow, in dreams, I don't find myself reflecting. I just get entangled in the ridiculousness of the dream.
Speaking of dreams, I dreamt last night that I didn't finish my Bio paper 3 T.T then I woke up and realized that it's all over. And a few nights ago I dreamt that I've only sat for prelims and there's one entire round of exams to go. T.T
At times like this, I can't stand myself. Urgh!

I had so many Grand Plans while studying... Learning a 3rd language was one of them! Now all my time is spent shopping for a prom dress, and when I get home I just want to be a potato and rest my legs. Hahah. I must seem very fortunate to be able to talk like that at all, and I think it is a good thing.
For now, there is a new object to conquer, and that is my iphone4s! :))
I need to spend the rest of my holidays (i.e. after December) wisely.
I was out at Plaza Singapura today and saw a Sesame Street performance, with Elmo, Ernie, Bert and Cookie Monster dancing. It was a very pretty sight. Surprisingly, I started to feel a little sad about times gone by, times in my childhood, when mum read me stories before bed, when I asked questions about picture books, when I babbled nonsensical stuff and my mum entertained all my babble in her own babble-speak.

Here's a great voice and meaningful lyrics! I love it when he hits those high notes.

Anyway, yesterday was a hectic day that I wouldn't want to repeat. But it ended off very nicely at band concert which I watched with huiying. I think ever since I learnt the euphonium I've been very partial towards music played in the tenor range-- a melody played on the euphonium or cello always sounds the best to me. So do tenor and alto voices :)
And I watched the taiwan movie with qianlin. I can't type Chinese here and Hanyupinyin is ugly but I'm sure you know what it's called! It was extremely sick and at times I thought it was either funny or downright disgusting, and somewhere in the middle I thought it was getting boring, and I was getting irritated at how the female lead cries in a very odd childish manner. But the sick bits were balanced very well with warm and fuzzy moments, so overall it was an unusual and touching movie. It was one of the more imperfect movies I've watched-- the female lead doesn't cry prettily, the male lead is disgusting, the other male characters are disgusting, but overall they came together to make a very realistic movie. Because life is disgusting. Ha ha ha. Okay, joking, but you know what I mean, life isn't perfect, if you view it from afar.
And I met joey two times yesterday hehe.

Our lives are all apparently plugged somewhere. most of us at least. To our phones, to our computers, etc. Today I was crossing the road, and out of the 7 people crossing the road, I counted at least 5 using their phones while walking across the road! It's dangerous and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if one day the government fines us for using phones while crossing the road. Quite a joke, actually, but it wouldn't surprise me.
Right now I'm plugged into my computer listening to ...

Cheryl co-sponsored this album :D I'm so happy I can ogle at them more now. :)