Last day of Term 3!

Before you read on, I'm sure you can anticipate the next sentence.

Bingo.

The sentence is,

"And I was feeling emo today."

Many many reasons, as always, many people are emo because of a multitude of factors.

Hormones... no one wants to 'friend' them... whatever...

Okay I shall cut to the point. If there's even one in the first place.

After school the first thing I wanted to do was to write on my blog. Then after that I thought for a while and I thought that I was just being emo again and so I ignored the impulse to write. Now I'm not so emo, I've come online.

I just hate it when people don't listen. They see you, but they stare right through you. Social niceties are just a mask. I could go on and on about this, but I think I shouldn't.

Maybe I should question whether I myself have put in effort to listen to other people, to take notice of them and their opinions. I doubt I have.

Since I haven't done the same to them, maybe I shouldn't have such high expectations, and I should stop complaining. I should just do my part and maybe work another way so that I can be heard better.

I have also realised, in the short space of one evening, how mechanically I have been living my life. It's easy to lose ourselves in this clockwork that is school. I've been clinging on to the notion that all I'm working for is getting good grades, and that is all that is enough for my life, at least for now. Dreams? Aspirations? Let's just wait till I'm freer to think about them.

I hear people talking about things they are seriously interested in. They're really passionate. When they talk I can really see their faces shine. Not kidding. Or maybe it was the light and the oil on their faces. -.- Point being, they are really passionate. They find time to realize their interests outside of work/school.

And then I feel ashamed of myself because my life in JC so far has been so shallow. Homework, mug for tests, get test papers back, cycle repeats. I haven't actually paid attention to my interests (i'm not even sure they exist, actually). I cannot share with others what I'm interested in because i don't even know it myself.

Actually I am interested in what I learn. Maybe I've just been seeing them all wrong. I see what I learn, and I immediately think, okay, that's going to come up for the exams. I've always thought in terms of what has practical value. That one, extra, don't need to read. I've forgotten the larger picture, I've forgotten to link them back to real life and to myself and everyone else. I lose sight of why I study.

Given that it's promos in 4 weeks though, it's seriously time to be more practical. But I mustn't forget, after promos has passed, what I'm really interested in.

I think school is awesome for those who are really passionate about their field of study.

Was very quiet in school during the afternoon and in the evening too. I think my expression was permanently like ._. and I don't know why, I was just stuck like that and I wasn't even thinking of anything that could make me ._.

Mum asked me why I was so quiet today. I said I don't know, and she didn't believe me, but I really didn't know so I said that again and blamed it on 'mood swings'.

Read Life! today and I saw a commentary about a Chinese drama serial called 大女当嫁. It apparently tries to convey the message that romance is a luxury. I think this is such a common and understandable notion nowadays. But Google doesn't seem to realize it, I typed in "romance as a luxury" and it gave me things like "Luxury Romance Hotels" and "keeping the romance with a luxury wedding" etc. So many people place so much importance on their work nowadays. Sometimes they feel like shifting their life's focus onto something else, but their work demands that they commit full-time. So they do. And they end up not having time to find their life partner.

An example is that teacher, who had a message dedicated to him on teacher's day, about how he spent so much time on his students he didn't have time to look for his life partner.

Another example is a colleague of my mum. She's really quite pretty (i saw her last time) and quite nice too but she says she doesn't have time to date.

Another example is ___, but I don't have the guts to say his name here. If he's so busy now, what about next time when he graduates?

I can see why birth rates are falling now.

I'm not complaining, I'm not going to say I will save the day or anything.

I think what I really want to say is that my perceptions of romance have changed. When I was young and innocent I thought romance practically floated on the streets of Singapore, at HDB void decks and shopping malls. Maybe I watched too much TV, maybe I was too mesmerized by couples holding hands and doing goodness-knows-whats in the corners of MRT stations. I thought anyone could get a boyfriend/girlfriend easily and if by the age of 21, he/she didn't have a bf/gf, he/she could very possibly be gay.

All these have changed now. I now think it's very understandable if somebody gets a first bf/gf at age 40.

Actually I think that romance was never a luxury, save maybe for the wonderful 1960s and 70s (i think those were quite nice days right?). Before that everyone was made to go for matchmaking sessions. And if their mothers thought the other party looked like she was good at housework/looked like he was rich and scholarly then the couple would unite under a dubious thing called marriage. No time for romance. Chop chop. It's like that now too.

I can't believe I dedicated almost half a post to talking about romance.

Please don't think that I'm personally involved in it though. B|

Because I'm not.

And I like it this way.

B)