OMGAAHHHHDDDDD 3 DAYS TO PROMOS.

past few days I was just aware of promos, the fear only just kicked in today. and the whole day today I was feeling so ~.~ I wasn't really in the mood to study.

there's no time to talk about moods now.

now it's time to respond to the fear.

zen,

tune in to brain,

study.

KI, Econs, Bio, Chem, Maths.

Wheeeeeee.

Koped. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlW5c4tInvY&feature=player_embedded#! Damn awesome! Ignore the hyperactive eyebrows though. ^^

Omg 8 days to promos. I've been having random :O! moments when I realize how little time there is left.

And oh my I don't understand series and sequences I'm gonna fail the test tomorrow. I think my brain is just not large enough to accommodate terms stretching to infinity, or something.

Don't feel very contemplative nao, and I don't think I'm even coherent.

I think the drive I have pales so much in comparison to what some others have.

Now I'm fuzzy-brained and ring-eyed but I haven't done anything much today. PW, a bit of chem, a bit of math.

Now, compared to some other people, they can achieve 10 times of that in one night. And they have other commitments.

And I feel so narrow-minded.

I will open my eyes bigger then.

:X

Poof. Goodnight.

Am here to do PW and I couldn't resist coming here.

May it Be (from Lord of the Rings, sung by Enya)

May it be an evening star
Shines down upon you
May it be when darkness falls
Your heart will be true
You walk a lonely road
Oh, how far you are from home

Darkness has come
Believe and you will find your way
Darkness has fallen
A promise lives within you now

May it be the shadows call
Will fly away
May it be your journey on
To light the day
When the night is overcome
You may rise to find the sun

Darkness has come
Believe and you will find your way
Darkness has fallen
A promise lives within you now

A promise lives within you now

Naise lyrics. Darkness is already here and will be at it's max in 2 weeks, but we will all strive on like good students, like we've always done even in secondary school, and pass this wonderfully!

:D

MugMugMugMugMugMugMugMugMugMugMugMugcosMuggingismylifeandMuggingismylifeandthere'sno other wayaroundthat

Just now my mum asked me to rate my work attitude on a scale of 1 to 10. o_O? I think she's worried. Heh. Probably sighed/groaned too much while doing math.

My math revision has come to a standstill. Yikes.

PW. Bye.

Why do I feel like it's a normal school day T.T

It's not cause it's 16 days to Promos.

Contemplated going for band dinner today, since I had no dinner at home. Then decided against it. I wonder if I'm shutting myself out. Then I decide that I'd spend a more fruitful time by myself/at home.

The present as a gift to the future.

And being a turtle.

And I realize that if I leave my thoughts behind and really talk to people sincerely they will do the same too.

Yesterday we went to NUH to meet the doctor in charge of our project. Ex Hwa Chongian. His mannerism and speech was clinical and quite humourous.

Hoho.

And then the research fellow came across as strict and motherly.

I didn't talk a lot, in fact probably not at all, there were 7 of us there.

I feel like most doctors are partly resigned to their fate of being always at the beck and call of their patients, and the other part is they always seem to enjoy thinking about Life itself. Because they (okay I've only met 2 like that....but yah...) always complain (casually/good-humouredly) about

a. Long hours

b. Low pay (for non-consultants I guess)

c. Odd patients (who "tell you that their backside is itchy at 2 am in the morning" LOL)

But in the end they always give you the impression that they are genuinely cheerful about life itself, albeit with a pinch of resignation/weariness, although that's harmless. My previous family doctor really enjoyed talking to us whenever we went to visit him.

Of course there are always the black sheep in every profession, and in the medical profession, having black sheep is just... catastrophic.

----

Anyway, I don't usually quote my brother, because he's so wacko (oops don't take it too negatively bro :D ), but there are always exceptions.

So the most important thing is to fulfill that niche first, and enjoy yourself, without worrying too much about the reward. Ultimately, there are other means of fulfillment out there, which may be harder to achieve than even these wealth and fame stuff.

Given that I'm still in JC I doubt I have the luxury of contemplating for myself what the "other means of fulfilment" are. But for now I think I should enjoy my life. I don't mean like I enjoy studying for promos, but I should enjoy my JC life. It's just 2 years, the last two years of schooling, because "university" doesn't quite fit with "schooling". It's the last 2 years I have spending everyday with people I know and can trust.

And given that today's the supposed deadline for our PW, I don't have time to spend here anymore ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh btw this is awesome

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCSe66pWNmc&feature=related

YIRUMA :D South Korean pianist.

Should be great for mugging. Soothing your nerves while attacking Maths. Yepzxzzxzxzzxzxzzx

不自量力

I overestimated myself a few months ago when I signed up for o levels. Higher chinese.

Last time I signed up because I actually thought it would be manageable to get an A, without a teacher to coach me. -.-

Now over-achiever-mania has caught up with me and I have to deal with all this excess baggage.

Sigh I went to read the website about withdrawing from the exams and they said withdrawal letters must reach them by 30 June -.-

Seriously contemplated ponning.

But Cheryl reminded me about checking when the o levels actually are. It's on 10 nov. So maybe can just 拼了.

Excess baggage!!

I have learnt my lesson.

凡是不能不自量力！

I'll just deal with O's LATER.

And chuck it into the fridge to rot first.

Last day of Term 3!

Before you read on, I'm sure you can anticipate the next sentence.

Bingo.

The sentence is,

"And I was feeling emo today."

Many many reasons, as always, many people are emo because of a multitude of factors.

Hormones... no one wants to 'friend' them... whatever...

Okay I shall cut to the point. If there's even one in the first place.

After school the first thing I wanted to do was to write on my blog. Then after that I thought for a while and I thought that I was just being emo again and so I ignored the impulse to write. Now I'm not so emo, I've come online.

I just hate it when people don't listen. They see you, but they stare right through you. Social niceties are just a mask. I could go on and on about this, but I think I shouldn't.

Maybe I should question whether I myself have put in effort to listen to other people, to take notice of them and their opinions. I doubt I have.

Since I haven't done the same to them, maybe I shouldn't have such high expectations, and I should stop complaining. I should just do my part and maybe work another way so that I can be heard better.

I have also realised, in the short space of one evening, how mechanically I have been living my life. It's easy to lose ourselves in this clockwork that is school. I've been clinging on to the notion that all I'm working for is getting good grades, and that is all that is enough for my life, at least for now. Dreams? Aspirations? Let's just wait till I'm freer to think about them.

I hear people talking about things they are seriously interested in. They're really passionate. When they talk I can really see their faces shine. Not kidding. Or maybe it was the light and the oil on their faces. -.- Point being, they are really passionate. They find time to realize their interests outside of work/school.

And then I feel ashamed of myself because my life in JC so far has been so shallow. Homework, mug for tests, get test papers back, cycle repeats. I haven't actually paid attention to my interests (i'm not even sure they exist, actually). I cannot share with others what I'm interested in because i don't even know it myself.

Actually I am interested in what I learn. Maybe I've just been seeing them all wrong. I see what I learn, and I immediately think, okay, that's going to come up for the exams. I've always thought in terms of what has practical value. That one, extra, don't need to read. I've forgotten the larger picture, I've forgotten to link them back to real life and to myself and everyone else. I lose sight of why I study.

Given that it's promos in 4 weeks though, it's seriously time to be more practical. But I mustn't forget, after promos has passed, what I'm really interested in.

I think school is awesome for those who are really passionate about their field of study.

Was very quiet in school during the afternoon and in the evening too. I think my expression was permanently like ._. and I don't know why, I was just stuck like that and I wasn't even thinking of anything that could make me ._.

Mum asked me why I was so quiet today. I said I don't know, and she didn't believe me, but I really didn't know so I said that again and blamed it on 'mood swings'.

Read Life! today and I saw a commentary about a Chinese drama serial called 大女当嫁. It apparently tries to convey the message that romance is a luxury. I think this is such a common and understandable notion nowadays. But Google doesn't seem to realize it, I typed in "romance as a luxury" and it gave me things like "Luxury Romance Hotels" and "keeping the romance with a luxury wedding" etc. So many people place so much importance on their work nowadays. Sometimes they feel like shifting their life's focus onto something else, but their work demands that they commit full-time. So they do. And they end up not having time to find their life partner.

An example is that teacher, who had a message dedicated to him on teacher's day, about how he spent so much time on his students he didn't have time to look for his life partner.

Another example is a colleague of my mum. She's really quite pretty (i saw her last time) and quite nice too but she says she doesn't have time to date.

Another example is ___, but I don't have the guts to say his name here. If he's so busy now, what about next time when he graduates?

I can see why birth rates are falling now.

I'm not complaining, I'm not going to say I will save the day or anything.

I think what I really want to say is that my perceptions of romance have changed. When I was young and innocent I thought romance practically floated on the streets of Singapore, at HDB void decks and shopping malls. Maybe I watched too much TV, maybe I was too mesmerized by couples holding hands and doing goodness-knows-whats in the corners of MRT stations. I thought anyone could get a boyfriend/girlfriend easily and if by the age of 21, he/she didn't have a bf/gf, he/she could very possibly be gay.

All these have changed now. I now think it's very understandable if somebody gets a first bf/gf at age 40.

Actually I think that romance was never a luxury, save maybe for the wonderful 1960s and 70s (i think those were quite nice days right?). Before that everyone was made to go for matchmaking sessions. And if their mothers thought the other party looked like she was good at housework/looked like he was rich and scholarly then the couple would unite under a dubious thing called marriage. No time for romance. Chop chop. It's like that now too.

I can't believe I dedicated almost half a post to talking about romance.

Please don't think that I'm personally involved in it though. B|

Because I'm not.

And I like it this way.

B)