Dear Law:
You've broken my heart so many times but I'll still try to win you over with my hard work and whatever residual charm I have left (which I hope is not insubstantial).
And I'm making an effort to trim away my emotional baggage everyday.
I'm sustaining myself by looking at the world outside of you, which is really beautiful and holds many fantasies for me. The world that is you is lovely too, but in a dark and dangerous way (imagine sharp shards of ice glittering in the moonlight).
This is a painful (love) affair. It will surely continue for the next 3 years (studies + passing the bar), maybe more than 5 years if I find a job I love, one that holds meaning for me. Otherwise, I may plan to consciously uncouple from you, and wander into the world outside of you, the one that holds so many dreams for me (my first love that captivated me in my teens and in my early 20s).

With painful regards,
Me.

It's a vicious cycle. People judge you, they put you down, they give you bad grades. Then you feel bad about yourself and it shows in your face, in the way you walk, in the way you talk. And then that image you give off makes people want to put you down even more.
Dammit let's break this idiotic cycle.
Look calm, smile, look happy, and people will respect you for it. (even though there's a raging storm inside of you, but they don't know that, do they?) Effie Trinket style. That's why some people like Effie Trinket-- they like her for her tenacity on stage in times of stress.

I....
WANT YOU TO BURN MY BRIDGES DOWN.
BURN
BURN
BURN

"I'm not in this for the money." - interesting person whom I shall not reveal.
Yet, the justification I've used recently for my remaining here is 'for the money'. That sucks, I better change that mindset. But honestly, how far from the truth is that statement? Best thing I can do now is to remind myself that I have to build a life that I love.

Life is unfair. I never knew what this really meant until I entered university. I'm sure when I start working, my definition of 'unfair' will change again. But for now, life. is. unfair. I was complaining to my brother and he unsympathetically told me: life is unfair.
And I guess I'm just not used to it because prior to university, life for me was damn good.
Still, I guess like all other things, it boils down to whether my heart is big enough to accept all this unfairness, and whether I have enough drive and fight in me to try to conquer this damn unfairness.
And better still, I read a quote somewhere that goes along the lines of-- Don't take life too seriously, because when it's over you will feel like a fool.
And yes, I think I've been taking it too seriously (i.e. too personally.) Nope, for now it will be to sieve out my thoughts from my feelings, and to put my thoughts into some good action.
And realize that yes, my life is still pretty damn good in many ways.

Feeling a little upset about another Hollywood break up... And another block of my being crumbles away and rolls away into the sea.
Lolol.

Sigh. I need to find my drive. My determination.
OOMPH.

All these earthly concerns running on and on into a really long list. Occasionally I look up from my work and realize that there's an entire world around me. I click around on the Internet and find that there's an even bigger world out there. People crying, people dying, people suffering immensely. People being really strange. People being happy.
And then I look back at my work and try not to question the meaning of it.


will.i.am's song choice for one of the performances in The Voice. awesomeeezxz

Awesome. Never realized the tinkling sounds in her songs are actually from the harp.

Count your blessings.

And also, I am putting on weight. I need exercise.