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Thursday, August 18, 2016

There's a difference between backing out because you found the going tough and did not have the stomach to go through it, and backing out because you don't find any meaning in it. It's a fine line but I think it makes a world of difference.

So there's no link at all but I still remember this Sing China contestant. He's from a minority race in China and he told the judges that he wanted to find his "true self" in this competition. He said he felt lost in a big city, where everyone was buffeted around by temptations and desires. (my translation makes it sound very cheesy but it sounds much better in Chinese). I like what he said... A lot of times I find myself wanting something. And then I pause: do I want it because (for e.g.) everyone is doing it? Or am I just being escapist? ...Or do I want it because it really has some meaning to me? Words to live by.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Is the difference between adolescence and maturity a matter of learning how to keep your emotions and expectations in check? Realising that while you may hold some strong, time-tested opinions of your own, the vast world beyond may not share the same beliefs? Let's leave aside the vast world, not even friends and family necessarily share the same opinions. Rhetorical, so I've already answered the questions with a yes.
There are two sources of inspiration for this. The first is Brexit-- so many people riding on high horses, so many unwilling to consider views other than their own. The liberal lefts are relentlessly insulting, deriding and shaming those who voted for leave. Meanwhile the conservative rights (some) are childishly bullying immigrants in public. It's very easy, when reading posts on social media, to fix your mindset and pledge unyielding allegiance to one side. For young Singaporeans like me, it is often difficult to resist the lure of the liberal left. Because SG itself is pretty liberal in some ways. But  we need to realise that the reality is bigger than that. I believe some people voted leave because they truly believed in it, and made a well-informed choice. Let's leave aside those who now claim ignorance. Come on, don't insult the intelligence of roughly 50% of the voters. So anyway, I feel that while the remain stance is valid, some of them are trumpeting their views in a very childish and obstinate manner. There are often many appropriate answers to the same question.

Another source is, well, myself. Self-explanatory.

If you cling obstinately to an opinion, you would find many negative things and you would view the world in a very disagreeable light. And you would be very disagreeable yourself. But the reality is much more than that. So why not acknowledge it and go get a life. Easier said than done. But doable.





Wednesday, May 4, 2016

I think my favourite U course is the Shakespeare course that I took in my penultimate semester. Ha, not a law course!
Anyway, there's a speech from Macbeth that I really like. It's on the surface a very dark and sad quote. But if you go deeper you notice there's a lot of guidance you can derive from it.

Macbeth:
"To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing."

Because Macbeth says this when he's lost everything except his own life, the speech is taken to signify his immense regret at the way he's lived his life. It's a realization that he's strayed so far away from his honour and his original ideals. So yes, please stick to your ideals, i.e. what makes you, you. 

And the "sound and fury that signifies nothing": I think it's trying to say that emotional temperance is the way to go. Extremes-- greed, depression, lust, ambition, etc. are all intense emotions but what belies them is actually a sort of hollowness. These emotions are built on false premises. 
Sometimes it's hard to find that sort of golden mean of your emotions, i.e. that state of mind that allows you to achieve that emotional temperance. Humans are humans, at many points they do experience those intense emotions. But I think that emotional temperance is a coming-of-age process. People may come of age at different stages of their life, but first there is the teenagehood to adulthood transition, i.e. the 20s. 
And Macbeth lost his temperance, because of his foolish ambition, so he ended up like he did. i.e. dead and depressed. He only realized at the end that he had built his life on false premises and it was all tumbling around him at that point.

So I think, life is to be lived moderately. It's not always rarh-rarh. It does not always progress in a straight line, it could eddy about in circles, it could bring you back to square 1. You don't have to overreach yourself to attain some highfalutin lofty goal. 

The meaning of life, if any, is not apparent to us. E.g. Steve Jobs, in a commencement speech I think, mentioned that his life didn't make sense when he was younger, but when he grew older he realized that all the dots were connected and they brought him to where he was that day. So it's only at a certain very mature age that you realize that hey, I can kinda spot some meaning in my life, if I look at it in a particular way. And that can only come with accumulation of life experience and the passing of time. And lots of alcohol. 

So when you're young, like I am, don't try to find any meaning in life. You'll go nuts. Just. Live. It. If I could draw an analogy, what I mean is, remember that teambuilding game where you're blindfolded and you have to go through an obstacle course, relying on nothing but your sense of touch and your team's instructions? Like, go left! crawl! step over this! I think life should be lived like that. The instructions, well, they come from your brain and heart. And the blindfold represents that hurdle between yourself and eventual comprehension. 

Feels like I've digressed. But yeah, my point is, don't stray from yourself, don't try to find meaning in your life, and enjoy the ride. 

Okay. Just saying all this because I've thought of this speech frequently enough to have to write about it now. It's a very beautiful speech. 

Signing off as--
a bored millennial who has time to bum around

Monday, May 2, 2016

I just watched a video starring Idris Elba. It's an advert. Anyway, he asks old people and middle-aged people, what do you wanna be when you grow up? And their responses are funny-- they burst out laughing or they stare at him goggle-eyed.
And he says, smugly, you realize you haven't stopped growing, right?
And they're like, ooooooooooooh yeah... Somebody explained that, when you get to a certain age, you think that if you haven't done something, it's unlikely that you'll be able to do it the rest of your life, because real life.

I like it. It's inspirational. In a way, it's very typical of the millennial generation who don't have typical material goals that their parents had. Millennials find it hard to grow up-- I read it in an article somewhere. Millennials don't believe in holding down a job for 40 years to support their family. Well, a few do have such a dream. But I don't. I can't bring myself to be committed to a career for the next decade, much less 40 years. Maybe not even 5 years. 2 years sounds like a more realistic goal for me.

1. I'm not desperately trying to start a family. Falling in love is the first step, and that already sounds like a fantasy to me. Anyway, I don't need a steady cash flow for that. I mean, falling in love... I just think it's hard to imagine another love that could be as unconditional as the family love I currently enjoy.
(Perhaps I'm being very idealistic. After all, a lot of people do have this notion of a transactional type of love, without even knowing it themselves. On the extreme end of the spectrum is the marriage of convenience, so a transactional love is something like that, but to a lesser degree.)

2. I'm all for building a life, for myself, that has meaning. We know that the Singaporean 5Cs dream became outdated a long time ago. (Or do we?) I'm fine as I am without them.
So if this career doesn't work out, I'd see it as an adventure for me to venture in another direction. Something that has less prestige is fine. How could you measure your life with prestige? I can't. It could be a job in a publishing house.
And if Idris Elba were to ask me that question, I think I'd say I want to experience much more of the world-- in terms of geography, in terms of human nature, in terms of culture. I don't know how I can achieve that. But it's good to keep it in mind as an indicator of sorts. It sounds very vague, idealistic, hipsterish, selfish, and vain, and more realistic people would be rolling their eyes if I told them this. Well go ahead, your eyes are yours to roll.
I mean it's to each his own. I personally observe that people with material wealth aren't necessarily happy. And yeah, money can't buy you happiness but you can't be happy without money, yeah I know that as well. But you don't have to be a millionaire to be happy right?

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Imagine somebody tells you something mind-shattering
And you realise that you've been living life wrong
#life
#breakoutofyourmind
#cantconcentrateonrevision

Monday, March 28, 2016

I'm totally against preaching my worldview. So I'm writing this to myself, as a mental note.
The trouble with doing things primarily for the money you earn or the prestige that comes with it is that your life becomes rather empty after a while. Say several years, a decade, or more, but it will feel empty eventually.
Everyone knows that the standard of living here can be high. (keywords: can be) Many feel the desire to earn more so that they come across as more successful, more reliable, etc. But to use that as the main justification for the way you live your life... it sounds convincing at first, but when you think about it again, you may start to feel a kind of hardness forming in your heart. That is the feeling you get from squeezing all your life's goals, childhood dreams, unfulfilled desires, into one narrow path called the career ladder.
If you've got a bread-and-butter job, count yourself lucky. Lead a simple life and don't pretend to be rich by hankering after great food, great holidays, and so on. Most of the older generation i.e. our parents and grandparents understood this.
Everyone sees life through different lenses. I've just presented life through my lens. Pick a lens that suits your worldview the most and be contented.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

We always have choices.
We just need to open our mind to it.
^_^

Sunday, March 13, 2016

The curation of the Suits' soundtracks is a masterpiece. I especially like Season 3's soundtracks, and some of Season 2's. Season 3's soundtracks really tugged at heartstrings and made me wanna melt into a puddle of feels. 
Enough gushing. Here's my current favourite.

The intro is vaguely reminiscent of an evil ritual, something that could be appropriate in a Macbeth movie. And then bam, it moves into a soulful classy guitar riff. It was playing for a pivotal Litt scene in Season 3. 

The song reminds me of how trying to do good in an apathetic and amoral environment can be futile. The (tragic) hero is trying to do some good but he's short-changed because he sacrifices some integral part of himself to the devil, or perhaps the outcome isn't as good as he wants to be because it's thwarted by somebody evil. 

And with that in mind, here's some thoughts on the elections halfway across the world.

I think apathy is gripping the nation. It is difficult to grasp Trump's stance on certain moral issues because he only says things to please. The fact that he's gaining so much momentum shows that a significant part of the electorate doesn't really care about what's right and wrong. One thing that is constant is that he wants to, vaguely, rebuild the economy and make America great again. It is a slim promise but he sells it well enough. It shows that some are willing to cling on to a promise of wealth regardless of the candidate's moral compass. 
Democracy works best if the electorate has a strong moral compass. Right now it is messed up. Too much absolutism, too little consideration for the broader values that they should want their presidency to stand for.

Mike Ross yells in Season 2, "There's such a thing as right and wrong!"
Those are golden words. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Some advice to young students today (but really, it is just advice for myself because I'm only writing it here)
But I also think it is very relevant to students today, because everyone's shouting about creativity and liberalization. Yet for some reason I don't really care if people read this. I have opinions but I don't really care about whether anyone appreciates it.



I love this song. So glad I discovered it.
It reminds me of the time I was a teenager, when all I loved to think of was how school was too regimented for my liking, and too boring. Sure it was intellectually stimulating, but in the end it was all the same because all you really had to do was to be book smart and exam smart. I remember very well all my angst about this, because I was too scared to drop out of school. Because I was the same as everyone else, I wanted to succeed and I didn't think I could succeed on my own without school, because I didn't think I could be a college dropout genius. It does take a tremendous amount of creativity to do that, and honestly I've never had much creativity. Haha. So I sensed we were all being squeezed into little boxes but I didn't know any way around it.

I must sound like an ungrateful Gen Y entitled kid but hold on.

I've emerged quite unscathed from schooling. Maybe I'm understating it: I've benefited from it. It may not be perfect but it is still probably the best way to educate masses of people. There is an age-old bond between society and order. Society can't thrive without order: just look back in history. So it is probably natural that we should learn this order from young. That said, I admire people who make the decision to home-school (just make sure you don't screw the kid up); it's very risky, but I think it can be very rewarding.

Just remember that what they teach in school isn't everything. It may be futile to force your individual, subjective, wildly different ideals on the schooling system, because what one student wants from the schooling system, isn't the same as what another student would want. Everyone (everyone who has the guts to think honestly and sincerely) will have different ideals. It's impractical to say, force schools to have mandatory meditation lessons, painting lessons, etc. So take non-schooling time to think about what you really want from life, what you really want to learn more about, who you really want to be. I think it's really important to know what you stand for.

I would also add that this individual quest would be, well, an individual one. You can't expect your teachers to give it to you, because everyone would think differently. If everyone thought the same, they'd just be sad little boxes that are all the same. So yes, I've realized that I should not have been blaming the system for anything. The real solution would be to look in the mirror and ask myself those same questions. And ask yourself if you agree with what you're learning in school.

One problem is, sometimes you feel too burnt out by the sheer amount of work to even care about these questions. I certainly felt like that. As for that the only solution would be to know your limits; push those limits, but always come back to yourself after that.





Sunday, March 6, 2016

omg suits season 5 episode 10 just broke my heart
i feel like all the characters are friends living inside my mind now

Okay I feel I need to write something more to explain my liking for this drama haha.
There are many great proverbs in the English language that we've come across, but the two that are most relevant today are a) truth is stranger than fiction and b) the best revenge is living well yourself.

(a)
I think most people can identify with all the characters at some point in the show. That's strange, isn't it, because the characters are fleshed out quite well already, so how could a person possibly identify with all of them? I think that humans are very complex in real life and they have many sides to their characters, and they have a lot of history that resides in their inner psyches. So truth is stranger than fiction, because at times we could be behaving like Louis, at times Harvey, at times whoever. And stranger things happen. I think this show teaches a lot.

(b)
Louis:
I have a love-hate relationship with him. But his character has really changed a lot over the seasons, for the better. I can identify with most of the times Louis was a bitch to Harvey/Mike/anyone else (except for season 1), because he is a very sensitive individual. Can't blame him for being emotional, or navel-gazing, or petty. He's just like that. And at least he lets his feelings out rather than let them fester into something worse inside his mind. It's very human to want revenge, or even if you can't have revenge, it's very human to want to get back at people in the tiniest and pettiest ways. But what redeems him in my eyes is that he has that basic ability to be honest about himself, to look at himself in the mirror and know himself for who he is, with a lot of help from his friends (he actually doesn't show this quality until quite late). So he has learnt the hard way, several times, that he can be petty and navel-gazing, and he tries to put it right. While it's human to want revenge, it is then basic humanity that makes us stop ourselves from exacting cruel revenge on people based on small provocations.

Harvey:
He's an unapologetic badass. And I can identify a Hamlet-complex in him (thanks to my Shakespeare class!). I've grasped, by contrasting him with Louis, that the best way to live your life is not be so petty like how Louis is. It usually only backfires on yourself. The best revenge is to live well, and Harvey does that extremely well. People come at Harvey from all corners, but he nips the problem in the bud and then brushes them off, and then continues living his badass life. Not bad! Even gets a little boring after a while, that's why season 5.
But he can be very insecure without the people he relies on the most, i.e. Donna and Mike. And I love it when he jumps to their defences when they're threatened. I love how he loves his father's records.

Jessica:
The Queen... what else is there to say? Love the scenes where she refuses to let people bully her-- she just quickly thinks of a way to let their bully plan backfire.

Donna:
Enormous amount of empathy... that's why she's so popular! And always a step ahead of other people's emotions. And selfless too.

-end of fangirling-



Friday, February 26, 2016

I've fallen in love with suits! The show! If you're wondering why, it's because the dialogue is so good! The soundtrack is awesome too.
Spoilers ahead. If you haven't watched season 4 episode 11.

But I have to call a time out for a while (at most a day). I'm quite overwhelmed by Louis' sudden transformation back to his old season 1 self. All this while I've been thinking that he isn't so bad after all but now that he snapped back to his old self I realise that he has two sides, and the nice side is only for people who are subconsciously or consciously withholding power from him. He probably doesn't know it himself but now that the puzzles have snapped into place it seems that all along the best description of him is vain, vindictive and single-minded.
Well, Harvey and Jessica may not be very likeable themselves. But they don't have two sides. So even if they are assholes you can see that they are assholes. They know that their friends can be assholes but in the end they understand why their friends did what they did, and their friendship remains. Louis is an asshole in disguise. His friends must be 100% loyal to him and cannot be assholes to him, and if they cross a line they can never go back. That's a perspective which can only come from a vain person. Although I concede that he has been treated quite meanly at times so it has only exacerbated this quality in him. Who knows, he may change for the better.
And what's more, Harvey has really grown positively as a character! He's starting to care for people and he's willing to make some sacrifices for them. He's still badass but not so cold-hearted anymore.
Rachel is a little irritating because she's so emotional but I get that girls are emotional including myself so I won't say anymore on this.
Donna is the heroine of the show. She's everyone's conscience. Enough said. Why's she still single?? I really ship Harvey/Donna. If they weren't in a law firm, which is impossible, they would be a perfect married couple. I think season 100 should end with them retiring and getting married. Ha.
Louis' snap transformation is bothering me and tonight I'll be thinking about him.
Even though most people are on season 5.

Suits is the first U.S. show that I've liked. The rest I've seen are too. Ew.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

So there's this list of micro-aggressions that relatives apparently say to one another during CNY. It probably started out as a joke (I didn't see the birth of the list though) but I think it quickly degenerated. While a few are downright rude, most are really just harmless remarks that don't deserve to be on the list. If they are to be classified as "micro-aggressions", then it would show that some people nowadays are too sensitive to be able to carry on casual conversations. If you're secure enough you'd be able to stand your ground firmly without feeling offended. In life, curve balls come your way all the time. Just deflect them. If the smallest of remarks count as a micro-aggression, I'd say it's time to live a secluded and peaceful life as a hermit.
Prestige anxiety is still well and alive in Singapore. People are still awfully concerned about their "face". We need to remove ourselves from this toxic mindset, and live our lives as we truly want them to be. And be able to tell anyone about it to their faces, whether they are mocking us or not. Or sometimes, deep down, they are in their own ways, simply trying to understand us. Let them try.

Saturday, January 9, 2016

I might be a little behind the times, but I'm going to rave about how much I love the Kylo Ren character in The Force Awakens! The key draw for me is how conflicted his character is. Everybody loves noob villains. Because they represent a very real human conflict between good and evil, and how the wrong choices lead us to do terrible things. And they also show how sometimes what's good and what's evil isn't so obvious.

My favourite Kylo Ren scenes:

1. When he first took off the mask
He sure took his time removing the mask, because it was a rather dramatic moment, so that gave me time to imagine what I would see beneath the mask. I was expecting somebody a little more rugged and experienced-looking, with some harsh wrinkles and perhaps an ugly scar down his eye, because that's what I imagined his face to be from how imposing and powerful he seemed, with his mask on. And also how unbalanced he was, wrecking equipment just to vent his rage. An unbalanced person probably would have some corresponding scars on his face, from creating so much damage , right? Or if not a scar, perhaps some manic eyes, like General Hux's eyes--wonderfully portrayed by Domhnall Gleeson I thought!
Instead when he took off his mask, I saw this pale-faced, wide-eyed guy who looked like he just became Kylo Ren a day ago. A whoa moment for me. Some part of me almost expected him to become a normal young guy again and rescue Rey.
So this disjunction between his character and looks really helps to portray his inner conflict between light and dark.

2. When his dad confronted him (duh!)
I was spoilered for this scene (-.-), so I was 100% certain Han Solo was going to die a horrible death. But when he spoke to his father (probably for the first time--and last-- in eons) about his inner pain and conflict just as the setting sun was putting its last rays through the windows, I could totally see so much pain and confusion in his eyes. My heart broke for this terrible villain, just for that split second though, because the next split second he did the unthinkable. Great acting there.
This scene also shows how very much alone he really is: standing on that narrow road in the abyss, being alone in his inner struggle.

3. When he fought with Rey
Actually I like this scene also because it shows that Rey is his equal when it comes to talent in the Force, and perhaps even much more with some training. I love this wave of girl power riding through cinema. And the industry knows girls love it.
This scene also shows a more human side of Kylo. There was a moment when he could easily have finished her off-- his lightsaber was pressing down on her lightsaber, and she was on the edge of a cliff. But! He stopped and offered to teach her. Though she refused after that, with a lot of sass in my opinion. Perhaps I'm getting carried away. But this scene shows how even villains would want a companion and could be human in the most unlikely of times. If she took up his offer he could finally feel less alone in his dark pursuit. Or perhaps he thought it was a waste of life, since Rey was a force-sensitive being? Brings me to the next point!

Which is, how are they related? Kylo acts as if he knows who she is, and this is quite a conceivable theory since he treats her quite nicely, in comparison to his treatment of other people. The 2 competing theories on the net are a) they are siblings; b) they are cousins. I personally think they are cousins (i.e. she is Luke's daughter). It does not make sense for Han and Leia to not know that they have a daughter. Or for Leia to go to all that trouble to hide a 2nd pregnancy from Han, in order to protect the identity of her child? Besides, my personal preference is for poor lonely Luke to have a child of his own. So he can train another Jedi anew, after he presumably failed in his earlier attempt to train Kylo Ren. But why he abandoned his daughter on some desert planet is still a mystery.

Friday, January 1, 2016

Finally watched Our Times!
There are so many things that don't make sense in the movie. The portrayals of the school management and LZX's classmates were so 2-dimensional that it made the whole movie less believable. I get that this is a fairytale but a good modern fairytale should still have more well-developed characters and plot. (example: 500 days of summer) And TMM is such a b**** because in the rain she held the umbrella over her beau but not LZX, and pointedly stared (smilingly) at LZX: called to mind Mean Girls type of behaviour LOL. But this doesn't make sense because HTY's love interest should certainly not have such a shallow character. And I think the relationship between OYFF and HTY should certainly have been explored more since they go way back and such a major event happened in the course of their friendship. So in summary, I think the movie should have been filmed not from LZX's limited point of view but from a neutral point of view so that everyone's feelings and thoughts could have been captured. Or perhaps it could have been filmed from OYFF's and HTY's point of view. That would also cover many more of the hidden layers in the movie. And that in turn would make the romance between HTY and LZX more impactful.

But that aside, it was a good fairytale. I loved:
1. the tape recording at the end
^ this is why HTY's point of view should have been covered so much more! it does not deserve cursory treatment only at the end of the movie.
2. the Taiwanese accent
3. the song

Verdict: 2.5/5 stars.
Not that it matters, because I'm not writing a movie review for the papers. Just to vent my feelings.