I have something new to fangirl about: Bu bu jing xin! I think what got me fangirling was the scene with the couple :3 And knowing that they won't be together in the end made me quite sad.
Okay the best way to get teens to fangirl your drama is to throw in a sad romance.

I was bumming around at home, and all of a sudden I recalled something that I talked about last time. It was about religion and I realized that what I said was borderline offensive (damage reduced since I was talking about my own religion, so no one could really point the finger at me and accuse me of slander).
And since it could have been rude, I felt a bit scared. For just that moment, I sort of felt like I was in the panopticon (you can click on that)-- I thought there could be a heavenly being checking on what I say everyday.
I'm sure you've had this feeling before, when your mum scolded you for being naughty and ended her lecture by saying that Santa would not visit you ever again.
After pondering over that memory, I came to the conclusion that I must have been so bored that my brain had to throw out a random memory to occupy my thoughts.

My brother just asked me if I've ever wanted to do anything in life but just kept putting it off. It's a tough question and my first reaction was to gape at him but I did have some answers in the end.
1. Learn how to play the guitar
2. Travel ("Where?" "China... And Turkey.")
Uni exchange trips are great too!
3. Volunteer (regular CIP plus OCIP)
4. Be more immersed in the arts and social sciences (I guess this will be during uni)
Now that I'm at it, I have one more!
5. Exercise more (play badminton, go for Hip Hop, etc.)

The grass on the other side is always greener. My mum and brother seem very envious of the lifestyle I have now, which is slacking every day.

This is going to be a post about how I realized that I'm probably still quite a spoilt child. And I think I will sound like a 10-year-old kid. So... if you've always thought I was a mature person (it's an image I've always tried to portray), you were wrong...
I asked my mum if I could go to a sleepover, which was actually organized very last minute at about 9 pm. She stopped me from going and I spent the next few minutes sulking about it. Reasons for not letting me go: it was too late, I would be travelling alone, and I just saw the same bunch of people in the afternoon, so travelling at night just to meet them again was a stupid idea to her.
But it was a sleepover with newly-made friends! So I was very sore about not going. And the idea of my friends having fun without me was heart-wrenching. (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.) After sulking and pondering for a while I decided to yield to authority and motherly concern, and stay at home.
What really makes me guilty is how I was sulking right in front of my mum (because I was recording some songs from Youtube for her, and so she was sitting next to me), and how I realized she started sulking with me too. Another thing that makes me guilty is that I haven't been spending much time with her.
Moral of the story:
... Live in moderation; I don't need to spend so much time with friends.
And plan your activities in advance to prevent disappointment!

As a side note: I really treat this blog as a place for emotional diarrhea-- when I feel upset, confused, angry, and so on, I will write uncomfortable truths here. So reading this blog is like understanding a totally different person from who I am in social settings. It might be odd.

Sigh feeling bored is one thing, but feeling bored and restless is a totally different level of torture. Everyone is busy!

My mum says I haven't understood the value of money, because when I get my angbaos I don't count the money inside them. My angbaos are still sitting in my bag, unwrapped. But I'm still very glad when I receive the angbaos (I'm just too lazy to open them.) Angbaos are the only reason I don't view visiting as a chore, because when I visit relatives there is absolutely nothing to do, except for the occasional conversations with older relatives. The younger ones just play among themselves and the teenagers (me included) are too shy/awkward to say anything to each other. Something is wrong with my distant nephew because no matter how big my smile is or how gentle my "hello!" is, he stares at me with huge fearful eyes. I know I don't just look scary because he looks at other relatives like that too. My distant niece is almost two years old and she is adorable, because she can be carried by almost anyone and she smiles at almost anyone. I carried her once, but the second time I tried to do that, she squirmed around in my lap and I had to return her to her mum. 

I was eating at this shop when this song started playing, and my friends all agreed it was a nice song. I couldn't hear the lyrics but somehow the tune made me feel sad. It made me feel like I had lost something dear. It's a bit odd because I rarely feel sad when I have company.

And after reading the lyrics I can't agree more that it's a sad song. I'm going to find more of his songs to listen to!
That day somebody was giving the guys lots of advice about NS, and one of them was to not stand out. "For example, you don't want to have Lee C.B. as the name on your uniform. So choose your name tag carefully." It was very interesting to listen to even though it didn't concern me at all. To me, it makes NS sound like a great adventure and now I half want to be a guy too. But I am not, and I don't have to serve the army, so the next big adventure for me is university. Honestly, I can't wait to make new friends.

Meanwhile, I'm waiting for people to reply to me about my job applications. I haven't decided on anything else, such as which university I'm going to or what course I'll take. But I think it is best for things to stay this way. I think I'll get disappointed less easily if I don't have anything set in a plan.

This brings me to how I've been trying to think of my passion. If you had asked me this question while I was still studying, I might have said Biology or something related to KI. But now that I'm out of school I think my life's passion is just to be able to talk to my friends and make new ones too. Studying seems like a hobby now; it's just something that can fill up the rest of your time so you won't get too bored.

By the way, it's ridiculous to have your fate (at least in university) summed up in a few grades. After listening to stories of good students getting, well, non-A grades in their O levels and A levels, you feel that exams aren't that accurate and that it has loopholes that have existed ever since they were invented. So why are university admissions based so much on our A level results T.T

That somebody also said, "After being confined for 2 weeks, even the auntie mopping the floor looks good." Of course, you know who he was referring to!